These Halls

nFKjLkO “Aw mom! Do we really have to go to bed?” the small innocent voice of my daughter whined. Even at 5 years of age she loved to stay up late.

“Can you tell us just one more ghost story? Halloween is tomorrow!” older brother, age 10 chimed in. 

“Haven’t you two heard enough scary stories tonight?” I said in a playful, yet somewhat serious tone. “I don’t want you to have nightmares tonight.”

“But mom, we love your stories.” youngin’ from the middle, age 8 spoke up. “Your stories are the best stories in the whole entire world!” 

All three chimed in and said,”Pleeeeaaasssseeee???” Goodness gracious… it was hard for me to say no. I love my children to death, and I would do anything for them.

“Okay, how about I make a deal with you guys. Since tomorrow is Halloween, after you are done with trick or treating and carving pumpkins, how about we have a special scary story night?”

The eldest tilted his head and asked,”Special scary story night?” 

“Yes! I have one whopper of a story to share, and the best part is, it’s a TRUE story!”

All jaws dropped, followed with Ooos and Ahhs. “Really mom?? A TRUE story??” my littlest one asked.

“YUP! That’s right. It’s my scariest story yet. We can make popcorn, bake pumpkin seeds, eat trick or treat candy, and get set up in the living room! And… we can stay up as late.”

“Later than 8?” Middle child asked.

“Yes, later than 8 and later than 9.” As soon as I said that, they all started to giggle and jump up and down on the bed in me and my husband’s room. It looks like the staying up late part did the trick. I rarely ever let my kids stay up, nor do I let them sleep in unless if it’s on the weekends; even then its no later than 9 am.

“Ok, ok, alright guys. But, here’s the catch. If you go to bed asap, then we will make this a priority! Do we have a deal?” I stuck my hand out in a handshake gesture.

They hesitated at first, but then all three of them grabbed my hand at once and shook it as hard as their little arms could. “Deal!” 

“Group hug!!” All of us squished together in one big group hug. Dad comes waltzing in and taps the open bedroom door lightly. “Hey Daddy! Wanna join the group hug?” 

“Hey why not! Grrrrraaawwwrrrrrggggg!!” We plopped onto the bed and joined in on the hug. We were a very tight knit family, and my husband, John was a wonderful husband and an even better Dad. “Alright guys, you heard Mom, time for bed.”

“Okkkaaayyyy.” They all chimed in once again and ran back to their colorfully lit rooms. “Good night Mom! Good night Dad!” and just like that, lights were out, and they were out. 

“Ahh so I take it you could hear my latest proposition I made to them.” John crawled towards me, sat right next to me, kissed me, and put his arm around me. 

“Indeed I did.” I kissed his cheek as we cuddled with one another. “You weren’t going to tell the kids about THAT story, were you?” John’s serious tone concerned me just a bit.

“Yes, I was. I think it’s time that they knew.” I looked up at John, giving him an assuring look. I felt a knot developing in the pit of my stomach. 

“I’m not sure if it’s the best idea, but if it feels right to you honey, then go ahead and tell them.” John kissed me on the forehead. “How deep into detail are you going to go?”

“Not too much detail. Just the ‘juicy’ stuff I suppose. Like for example, how I got some of the scars on my face and hands.” I smiled. John laughed at this response. “I promise that it won’t go any farther than that.”

“Okay honey. I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with this.” 

“I am! What could possibly go wrong by telling the kids a good ghost story from the past?” As soon as I said that, the knot in my stomach continued to grow tighter. I felt a sense of regret and terror trickling up my spine. They need to know the truth eventually. I can save the more gruesome details for another time… yes, perhaps when they are older… tomorrow is going to be interesting.

cooltext249072193481591

 

Weekly Funnies- You Had One Job! Part 2

83868848

Yayyyyy more silly fails!!! Bring on the fails! Woot woot! Hell to the yeah! =D Alright, seriously enough of that mumbo jumbo. Lets get to it.

CeqXVAOWsAEFPyN

Ohhh so THIS is what dogs REALLY look like! phenomenal!

d500c9fc7262893e668795bc3bae3f73--flickering-lights-too-funny

I’ll take 10 fuckering lights please!

you-had-one-job-road-lines-fail-paint-epic-fail-1374931870

What is this fucketry? Did someone Teepee the road???

you-had-one-job-goth-on-bofa-one-close-enough-1190241

Someone takes things far too literally.

Q0AFV

I have been deceived… sad face. =(

you_had_one_job_but_failed_miserably_640_02

Oh my god its going to take me FOREVER to climb these stairs!

one-job-161

Uhhhh are you sure about that one?

you-had-one-job-mailman

God dangit Jeremy! You had one job!

one-job-0

Wait, what?

you had one job

What in the actual hell is this???? My OCD moniter is through the roof!

Alright, that’s enough fails for now. Ugh, I need to take a break from humanity…. a nice long break.

cooltext259688758949888


Heya, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you like You Had One Job Fails, there’s a lot more where that came from on You Had One Job or @_youhadonejob1 via Twitter!

u6mVd-Tk_400x400

Weekly funnies- You Had One Job!

thank_god_you_brought_an_umbrella

We all make mistakes right? Well… these featured mistakes take fails to the next level. The question you have to ask yourself is, “How the hell do people manage?” Well, lets take a look at some of their magnificent masterpieces.

fire_lane

If you add the letter ‘S’ to the mix it will become the ‘FRIES’ lane.

one-job-how-bang-mother

What in the world??? Who formatted this???

you_had_one_job40

Whoever done this is a purely evil person.

you-had-one-job46__605

Wrong species Bub.

4086c4dbb43e6ec9f678a89eb476b4b5--random-things-random-stuff

I’m not entirely sure how someone could mess this up.

funny-had-one-job-slow-drively

Now, how do I go about doing that?

if_you_only_have_one_job_to_do_do_it_right_640_01

It doesn’t seem like you’ll get very far with this right turn.

6b8cab48d5a87ba81d0e5af4ae55d4e5--you-had-one-job-memes-doorstop

Laziness level: expert. It still does the trick, right?

89889293-352-k901129

I think someone needs to take some geography classes.

Bizarre_sign_-_elevator_is_out_of_service

Don’t tell me what to do! Gosh!

9425b44444e2db0a90af0f265be40752

One letter can make such a big difference.

Alrighty ladies, germs, and everything inbetween, I hope you all got a kick from some pretty gnarly fails. I sure did. =)

cooltext259688758949888

The Grove pt. ……

darkness

June 16th 2016- ….

I hear and see the same things every day. Dark gray sky. Gray lake next to a large gray window. Everything is black, white, and gray. I have become permanently colorblind. 

I’m all alone here. I hate this place. I want to go home.

I miss my husband. I miss my family. They tell me that I don’t have a family. The white coats tell me that my family died a long time ago. The white coats tell me that I never had a husband. They tell me that I never went to college, never graduated from high school, never left home. 

They do terrible things to me. They told me that I killed my family. They tell me that I’m evil. They tell me I have killed more than 10 people. They keep me seated at all times, sometimes strapped down. They give me tasteless food…. I fall asleep every time I eat. I’m given three shots a day, loads of pills everyday… I’ve lost track of how many. Sometimes they hit me or force me to sit down in a corner on the floor if I don’t do exactly what they say. Sometimes they strap me down for hours and have me watch weird videos or listen to weird things… screaming and the sound of nails on metal…

scrape. scrape. scrape. shriek…. more scraping… shreik… T-they aren’t human.

They scare me. Their eyes glow unnaturally. They are pale and have long, black stringy hair. They all look the same to me. They aren’t human. They aren’t huummmmm-…..

I’m going to die here alone. I can’t tt-akke it. I…. ne.. ed to fin… a. way… out- (the rest is intelligible scribbles)

cooltext249072193481591

Who Decided That This Was a Good Idea- Call Joey Immediately pt 2

3ab7c99ce1a32b4c5c78a2e62eb9cea3

A sudden flash of light overwhelmed my senses as my eyes shot open. I was on the floor and I could see everyone in my room, standing over me, staring at me.

“Hey, easy there man. I really think we need to get you to the hospital.” Nick said as he nealt down next to me.

“Wait, wh- a happ-” I tried to speak but words would not come out.

“We had a minor accident, thank you to mister fucktard over here and you took a really big hit to the head.” Sandra said impatiently.

“I’m not a fuck-“

“Look Joey, you got so caught up in your story to the point where you weren’t even paying attention to where the fuck you were going!” Sandra yelled.

“It was just an accident! I didn’t mean it! It wasn’t my-” Joey yelled and waved his arms in the air for a brief moment. The arguing between Joey, Sandra, Jeff, and everyone else was starting to get to my head. I started to feel myself nodd off again.

“Look! It doesn’t matter who’s fault it was or why it happened. It happened and its obvious that we need to take Mikey to a doctor. Hey… stay with me buddy. Stay with me.”

My eyes shot open again. This time I was at the hospital with Joey and my parents. I guess everyone else was in the waiting room.

“Where am I?” I groaned as I stretched my arms and legs out. I was in a twin size hospital bed.

“You’re in the hospital sweetie.” My mom said as she was holding my arm tightly. “The doctor said that you sustained a mild concussion during the accident. But you should be okay within a matter of a few months.”

“You took quite a big hit to your head Mike! From what your friends told me is when Joey ran into the tree, you bonked your head on the dashboard. But, I think you should be okay. It might take up to 6-8 weeks, maybe up to a few months before this goes away. Concussions take a while to recover from so please be patient with your body. I would avoid doing any rigorous activities for a little while and rest. I have prescribed some pain medications for pain. Don’t hesitate to come back in if symptoms worsen or if you have any new symptoms.” The lovely five foot, blonde haired, and blue eyed doctor in lavender scrubs started to walk away, but then I thought of something.

“Wait doctor! Before you go, I have one question.”

She turned back around and said, “Yes! Go ahead Mike.”

“What about weird dreams or hallucinations?”

“Those really depend on the kind of the concussion you have as well as location and severity. I don’t expect you to have any hallucinations while recovering from this. If you start to get hallucinations, then please feel free to come back in.”

“I just had to ask because I know I saw some weird stuff, but I don’t quite remember what it was.”

The doctor walked up to me and gently put her had on my shoulder and said, “You know what Mikey, I wouldn’t worry too much about it! You took a hard hit to the head, but you are perfectly healthy otherwise. I think you’ll be just fine.”

I smiled and nodded. I laid back in the bed and sighed. I felt relieved to know that this whole nightmare was finally over. I was discharged the next day. Joey paid for the damage done to my car, and all is well! We still go to the same bar, drink the same drinks, and share the same laughs. We never took the side roads again, no matter how busy the main streets were. Everything pretty much turned back to normal. Until yesterday that is. I decided that I needed to go back to the doctor because I’ve been having the same nightmare for the past five nights, and every night is worse than the last one. I really don’t think much of it since it’s only been about a month since the accident. But sometimes I still wonder if I’m in reality, or if I’m asleep, or maybe even dead… I know, I know… I should let it go, but every time I try to bring up the accident to any of my friends or family, they just stare at me blankly until I change the subject. I swear I sometimes see things out of the corner of my eye as well…

GOOD ENDING =)

Back to the beginning

cooltext249072193481591

Favorite Skin

scp___1471_by_molotovgtm-d64jgbj

I always knew that you would be my special someone.

I knew it since the day you were born my precious…

I crave your touch… I crave your eyes… I crave your face… I crave your skin….

All I need is you. I just can’t get enough of you, even if you wish to get away from me… 

I won’t ever let you go…. you can’t just leave me. 

Oh no, I can’t let you just leave

I can give you anything and everything you want.

Endless riches, fame and fortune, pearls? jewels? gold? silver?

How about being able to live forever? Never age, never die? Eternal beauty?

What about the hottest, smartest, most attractive being you could ever wish for?

They don’t call me the walker of skins for nothing baby.

And guess what… you are my favorite skin.

 cooltext249072193481591

S1Ck3n1nG.3yes.avi

3cf487e28a2aa083913810d89a7bc886--creepy-eyes-creepy-art

Sickening, melting, dissolving…

It burns like a burst of lemon into a raw wound…

Can’t feel anything else but the sickness…

Kindness only adds salt to the gashes in my chest…

Everything around me is going blank…

No one should ever feel the torment I feel…

It doesn’t get any easier from here….

No one should ever feel this kind of suffering….

God set me free from the sickness…

Evil smiles upon my tormented soul…

You will never understand what this means…

Everyone should stay far away from the sickening eyes….

cooltext235280019997115