Dream Journal- The Black Eyes Are Ripping me Apart

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The other night I had a nightmare that left me drenched in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. It was extremely intense and graphic for a mostly non-lucid dream. This is an actual nightmare I had that is still hanging around in my head. Its driving me absolutely insane and I hope writing it down will help me process it.

I was at work walking back and forth past the front doors while I was on my break. I came back from the bathroom when one of my co-workers pointed out that the tail-lights and something else was out on my car. They told me they thought I should know before leaving so I would be safe on the road. Part of me felt like going outside was going to be a bad idea if I did it alone, but I did it anyway. One of the managers tried to stop me and the same person tried to urge me to go with them, but I insisted that I would be right back. It was overcast outside and the parking lot seemed to be dead. I for some reason had a flashlight in my hand like as if I knew it was going to be dark soon. It rapidly changed from an overcast parking lot full of cars to a pitch black void of parking spaces. I went to my car and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw a black eyed woman, probably in her late teens, early twenties. She wore a light jacket, jeans, and converse. I didn’t even see that she had black eyes until after speaking with her for a few moments.

Things at this point started to get a little bit scrambled and dodgy. At one point the scene flashed to me going into an office on a grassy hill with my managers. My back and chest was covered with only a towel while I wore pants. I was absolutely soaked and drained of energy. A few kind ladies where in dully designed office were helping me, trying to calm me down, yet they were completely oblivious to what was really going on. I tried to warn them not to go outside and yet… they still did.

Again, I was snapped back into the dream where I had seen the same co-worker being dragged off by more of the black eyed mutants, yet it seemed as though he got away for a brief second. I couldn’t necessarily tell for sure if he got away until later on towards the end of the dream. Majority of people were cornered by humanoid black eyed beings and were either hidden, ripped apart, or blasted into bits of bone and dust. It was an absolute gore fest as I could only stand outside amongst the blackness, helpless, unable to save my friends. Soon, I wasn’t able to comprehend what the black eyed girl said to me. A few others tried to come my way and talk to me. I ran past them and knew immediately that I just had to do something. I ran past all of the stores in the strip, jumping from platform to platform, listening to the godawful dying screams of my friends. I tried to keep my eye on what I needed to do and there was an ancient vault across the street, behind where I worked with which I knew the answer to this would be within my grasp. I was desperate to find some solution.

I find myself in what appeared to either be an ancient vault or tomb within a warehouse across the street. The walls were lined with thousands of pictographs and symbols I could not recognize. Jewels and fine crystals lined this vault-like marking on the wall which held a very strange artifact. It was a golden oriental Japanese fan. Suddenly, a large mass of jagged, growling, demented beings tried to intimidate me from grabbing the fan. One of them hopped out from the crowed and tried to bribe, threaten, and persuade me from grabbing it. I did it any way and flew out of there free from their grasp as I could hear their dying screams. It was music to my ears to hear the shrieks from hell bound beasts for I knew it meant I was starting to succeed past their evil.

I found myself change shape. I wasn’t Alex anymore, but I was a crane like creature that could use the fan to fly. I knew that I needed to fly out of there to get help while I still could. I could hear encouraging cheers and support from the ones below me. I had to jump from platform to platform in this such bizarre place. It was a set of buildings, old and new, built above a set of small creeks and rivers. It was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I reached the top, I could see beyond the horizon. I was so close to victory knowing I could save so many people and beat these bastards. Unfortunately, that was taken from me too soon when I was gearing to fly off when I heard a scream for help, and that scream asked for me. I jumped down believing I could save them, but as I got down there, I was knocked down and overrun by a few of the black-eyed mutants. They seemed zombie like in appearance and stone cold hearted like a hell frozen over parasite. The sky and everything around me turned red and the screams got louder. I could hear shards of glass and small explosions breaking out. I jumped onto a higher platform to try to get away, but one of the more aggressive ones hopped up and ripped my right hand off, the one that held the fan. The fan’s magical powers stopped working and the banshee could not get it from the hand it held. He tried to bargain with me, and I bluffed it and ran. After that, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat and consumed by fear.


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Cosmic Brain Fog

Flowing and rowing through this again.

Magma flow burning my skin.

Why is this flow going through my head?

It hurts so much it makes me wish I was dead.

I wish not to die by the skin or the soul.

I wish for this flow to die by putting out the coal.

Success and love is my only goal.

And then I heard a voice say: ‘Walk slowly, speak softly, think slowly my dear.

Life within this moment and there will be nothing to fear.

Tread forward slowly like a gentle waltz in a marble ballroom.

What is going at the speed as the fastest land mammal in the world going to do?

Or even faster than the speed of light, do you really think that would leave you a clue?

I’m afraid it won’t, don’t you see? 

Flying at the speed with which your mind can only allow won’t set you free.’

So this whole entire time it’s been this Cosmic Brain Fog that has been slowing me down.

All of this stress, pressure, and scalding heat throbbing through my temple, third eye, and crown.

It was caused by nothing. Really? I find that hard to believe.

This society doesn’t think so, and sometimes neither do I.

As long as the fog dissipates from my eternal flow, then I don’t give a fuck.

I’ll go with the flow.

Take This into Consideration… Big Decisions Must Be Made to Move Forward

letting-goLife’s choices are more than just a fork-pronged path. The road less traveled and the one mostly traveled on is an urban myth. The choices that life provides is a simple root that massively spreads to the surface which blossoms when the sun rises.

Within a specific time frame within these rooted paths, we are often faced with two decisions much similar to the fork-pronged path. Do we ‘let it go and move on’ or ‘hold onto it because of would, could, should”. The rock that stands in our way as well as the chains that tie us down from flight is the karma of not letting go. I am guilty of with holding these rocks and chains.

However, slowly which is rapidly turning into quickly like the first rain of the year which always floods our streams has turned this reality around. It finally hit me within the part that matters the most, our hearts. My heart. I withheld some physical, emotional, and spiritual baggage because I worried about how others would feel if I chose to let these things go. I had worried I would block my own path by making fatal choices. I considered the greatest needs of others, when I should have been addressing my own. Weeks and weeks of over analyzing, over thinking, and over complicating things led me to this point.

Not letting go and waiting around for things to change did not do me any service. It blocked my path, stinted my growth, and blocked me from the stars with which I wanted to embark on. Enough was enough, I thought. I let go of the physical items as well as other aspects related to them go for I knew this would keep me from blossoming into a new tomorrow. Guilt, anger, sadness, and shame no longer drag me down farther into the earth for I feel free after letting these things go. I realized it was my fears that was stopping me all along.

So I say this to you… if you are holding onto anything that is holding you back; anything sentimental whether it be a physical item, thought patterns, past plans, or something of the like-let it go asap. Let go of all self-blame, guilt, anger towards yourself, and remorse. Negativity in any way, shape, or form will only add a bulky boulder which will stand right in the middle of your path. Don’t compare yourself to others; I shared this wisdom what felt like ages ago that every individual is on their own path. Lastly, know that everything under the sun and the stars beyond happens for a reason. Much love and light to you all.

-Alex

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