A New Nightmare

1695f403ace239f2cfe559470e186024--heart-of-darkness-creepy-photosMy dearest soulmate and beloved friend…

I am the creator of your biggest nightmares.

Betrayal and lust destroyed this.

You betrayed us all…

You said you would always be there for me no matter what.

You promised that we’d always have each other’s backs.

You told me that you’d stay loyal to me forever… me and only me…

You said you had a special spot saved for me in that ‘heart’ of yours… after I died I saw that you don’t really have a heart.

You disappeared without a trace after I disappeared into the abyss you shoved me into.

Well, I have your ‘heart’ now…. you’re shriveled black hole.

Not a single impression of me has been made upon your ‘heart’. 1eac129b71202885598e54e8a744a07e

I sliced it open just as I did with your neck and skull… you lied to me….

You see what you made me do to you? You shouldn’t have lied… 

You told me we’d be together forever… But, you’re the reason why that promise was broken… You’re the reason why I’m dead. 

Because of me, you’re dead physically, but spiritually you are alive and well. You’re bound to this earth just like me. Now we’ll get to be together forever. You can’t run nor hide…

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Dream Journal: Suicide or Escape

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This is the third time that I have had this dream now, and this time I can fully recall all of the details of this dream. Within the span of about 3-4 months I have had this same exact dream, with the exception of certain aspects of the dream emphasized per dream occurrence. Everything about this dream felt so trippy and unreal, and yet at the same time crystal clear. I must have been in some sort of trance in the dream, if that’s even possible.

Here are a couple interesting things about this dream: Three places were heavily focused on in the dream (which I will describe shortly), but why 3 specific places? Also, a few of the same people from work have showed up in this dream just like how they have before. For example, Ty has shown up in not just one dream, but in several dreams such as the Pyramid Dream and Vulnerabilities and Tattoos Dream.

On with the dream! I found myself in my hometown, specifically at my parents house. Ty and another coworker was patrolling the neighborhood which, oddly he did so for my safety. It was late and the only thing that illuminated the streets were the orange glow of street lamps and a couple lights that were on in front of my parent’s house. It also was made apparent that there was a random Target down the street. LITERALLY in the middle of the street too. Ty came by on my street specifically and my parents and I waved hello. He stopped by to see if everything was okay and if we needed anything. My mom harshly stopped Ty in his tracks to complain about the poor treatment of raccoons and other animals that lived our neighborhood. Ty pulled me aside and in almost a whisper, asked me what that was about. I had absolutely no idea! My mom then chimed in and said a very snarky, nasty comment about work that I could not hear, but made apparent to Ty that I did something I wasn’t supposed to, which I wasn’t sure what I did, in fact. The lights of the house and the street lamps began to move and change color. I overheard another co-worker coming and then something about my job possibly being on the line.

My head was a major mess. I kept thinking about work, home, school, family life, and past trauma and problems that suddenly were brought forward by this statement. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to be out of the spotlight, alone. I felt the eyes of my parents on me and a few others as other people could be heard in the distance. I bodly said to Ty that I wished to die, I wished for suicide. I began to cry and I ran off where others could not see me. I could magically manifest wings that could help me fly into the trees or bushes to hide as well as to fly off to places where I could be seen. I could hear Ty and others scrambling around as I would take off from hiding spot to hiding spot in the middle of the night. I cried what felt like for an eternity fleeing down the road past my old high school and making a left upon this path which was partially covered by a rainforest. I went through the tunnel of trees that led to the most beautiful place I have ever seen. A massive waterfall took half of my view from the left side and the right side had a row of Tikis, statues, and precious stones. a path weaved between the trees and past the row of hills. I felt magic all around me, orbs and magical beings surrounded me. Some of them wore tribal paint and wooden masks while others just like everyday people like you or me. The wildlife resembled dragon-like beings, maybe even faeries, I couldn’t keep track of them all. I just knew that they knew me and I knew them. I was given the task to straighten around some of the tikis and precious stones not just on the hills, but on the platforms that sat in front of the waterfall which I had to use some sort of telekinetic abilities to move things around. When everything was perfectly aligned, with one thump on one of the many objects let off an echo of a thousand notes. I myself and all of the beings sung and it was so beautiful. I began to ascend the mountain tops in front of me when my dad appeared.

Everything around me hid and I had to go back from where I came. I was in front of the highschool and my dad directed part of the path to be covered in cement. I felt angered by this, but realized I knew how to get in there regardless of the cement. I was gifted, I thought. Suddenly, a weird being came by and caught my dad off guard, forcing him to leave me and tend to something else. I look up the hill that sits right at the high school and envision a massive pileup created by a number of clueless high school students. It happened right in front of my eyes before I could stop it. Bodies landed on top of one another and got stuck between car parts. There was screams as blood and gore was shed, but that soon disappeared into dust which then manifested itself into the form of ghosts that began to enter an odd shaped building within the gym. A haunted building for that matter, I just knew it was. Not just haunted, but there was malevolent energy in that dammed square shaped building. I knew that I had to go back and take care of something around my parent’s neighborhood.

I appeared back into the neighborhood and saw that people scrambled around in the streets looking for me. Ty yelled out for me and apologized for what he had said and that my job was safe. Another coworker confirmed that as well, and they both said they needed to know that I was going to be okay. Ty wanted me to come back with him so he could keep me safe. They begged and pleaded for me to come back over and over again. I didn’t care and thought to myself that this was something I needed to do. I soon headed north from my old neighborhood and went deep into a wooded bridge covered in snow. I could her Ty and my coworkers yelling “Wait!” and “Alex! Come back!”. I knew that they would eventually find my path and follow me. I felt comfortable knowing what I was doing despite the cold. In a vision I could see a line of zombies walking down a path going the opposite direction of the highschool. The got up from the ground and went towards a dysmal place where as I got closer to the light.

So… uh… strange dream, right?

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Dream Journal- If Death was a Human

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It has definitely been awhile since I have made any dream journal entries. This dream that I had a few nights ago really stuck out to me because of its nature and overall message. I have never seen Death as an actual physical, human-like being… until I had this dream. 

I was walking with a large group of people, which seemed to be a class from school. We were in a different state, Oregon or Washington most likely. There was a bit of a chill in the air and very low humidity. The scenery was mostly a dull gray color with the exception of the greenery and the colorful neon lights that lined the inside of a bar that we were about to go into. What was strange about this is we were on a campus or town square of some sort, and it was deserted with the exception of me and the class I was going with. We went into the bar which all of a sudden felt as though it was on water with a gentle ebb and flow tilting the room side to side. It was a basic classic bar with everything made from oak and bright neon signs and wine glasses hanging from the ceiling above the bar area. All of a sudden we were surrounded by these strange men with glassy eyes who grabbed a large amount of people and pushed them through a large black door. They tried to grab me too, but I yanked away from them and made it out the front door. 

I was back outside with dozens of people who were standing in a large circle. There was a malevolent looking woman, dressed in black and red, with this black swirling mist that loosely wrapped around her body like a serpent pacing around me and a few other people. She had a wicked smile, black and red eyes, light blonde hair, and pearl white teeth. There was an amphitheater and stage and a large bed of navy blue water that sat before the stage. Everyone appeared to be in a trance and more people slowly walked to the circle which grew in size. I challenged the malevolent woman on what was happening and she claimed that this was the work of death itself; which the woman presumed to be death. Cracks of thunder and lightning came from the sky that lit up our surroundings and all of the entranced people were picked up from the lightning and were placed in several different locations. Folks were transported to a concrete coliseum with a grassy stage while others were transported to open fields of nothingness as well as several random locations in the city such as a prison yard, the stage, and the bar. 

I could see where all of the people were and how they were to die, and I felt so helpless. It was torture watching tens, hundreds, thousands of people being annihilated with the blink of an eye. A light jolted through the innocents by the thousands, which caused the earth to raise for a single moment, and as soon as it started it stopped. Their bodies went limp and I felt myself screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. I looked back at the woman and again, screamed at her, asking her why. It was just me and her at that moment in time. Suddenly parts of her body started to show between the seams of her clothes and the truth of her form was revealed: she was made up of several different body parts from different people, stitched together limb by limb. Each limb differed in shade ever so slightly, but generally it was all the same. Soon out of the woman’s mass, a man with thick black hair, dark eyes, ‘perfect’ structure, and looks that could kill. These two people were made by the body parts of the fallen. The man soon claimed himself as being death and I was stuck with them. 

I felt so much anger and rage as I saw both of them live in luxury. They had everything they could ever want, except everything was either black or dark-colored damask. They had everything from their own personal amphitheater, massive mansion filled with riches, and exotic creatures that could only ever exist in a dream. They had all of the power in the world, being able to kill by the millions who were entranced by their black magic. But then… they got bored. This created slight conflict with Death and his mistress. Suddenly, their body parts that were stitched together started to slightly tear, mix, and morph with other body parts. I held light within my own hands; it radiated around my body and I took my chance to disable Death. With the use of my light, their most prized exotic animal, also made from the dead dissolved and melted to nothing. Death’s mistress popped into a cloud of smoke and light then dissolved to dust. Death had lost control of his own humanoid form and I walked from their room onto the outdoor stage that faced the water.

I stared up at the sky and heard a deep voice praising me and encouraging me to go forward. A light started to envelop me and I could hear the voices of many cheer me on, even though I felt so unsure. I was then given wings, which I had all along as well as many other gifts added on to my being. The edges of each gift lit up like lightning and felt warm and sensitive to the touch. I knew right then and there what I had to do as the light parted the clouds in the sky, and the angelic beings which glowed in pure light, came down to me and started to guide me. I ran through the field of nothingness to find if anyone was still alive. I was heartbroken to find that I couldn’t find any survivors, until I went a little bit farther down. I was relieved to hear that there were still many others that were alive who still needed my help. I managed to help free people of their trances, then my vision turned to light as I woke up.

I still wonder if the dream reflects anything going on it my life literally or metaphorically… who knows?

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Who Decided that this was a good idea: Put your earbuds in and snooze part 2

I screamed again and saw that the car door on my right was open and on every side of me, my friends were trying to get me to wake up. Jen and Sandra were on my right, Joey and Nick were on my left, and Jeff was right behind me, getting ready to pour water from an unopened plastic water bottle onto my face. I was wide awake, hyperventilating, and absolutely drenched in sweat. All of my friends, one after another said “Mike, mike are you okay?” and “We’re home now, its okay.” and “It’s over Mike, just calm down.” To my relief… they were all normal. No weird faces, black liquid, or ghoulish screams. My chest and breathing loosened up a bit as I put part of my face in my right hand and cried softly. I couldn’t help it, the dream just felt so real. I find myself to be a generally average person when it comes to being emotional, so this all just hit me by surprise.

“Babe, what happened?” Jen anxiously asked

“It’s all over Mike, you’re home now bud.” Joey said to me in a calming, ASMR like voice.

“Shhhh sweetie, it’s okay now, it’s okay.” Sandra cooed in my ear as she stroked my thick and unkempt black hair.

“Wh-….” I murmured. I sat up and took a few moments to regain a clear state of mind. “What happened? Was I dreaming guys?”

“Not just dreaming man, but a full blown nightmare! You started going absolutely wild when we finally reached the parking lot. Screaming, shouting, crying, the works.” Nick said.

“It must’ve been a nightmare of massive proportions to put you in such a state of panic my dear friend.” Jeff said, trying to sound smart but was in reality being extremely facetious. I knew he meant well though.

“Do you remember what you dreamed about hon?” Jen asked with her lips quivering like jello. I could hear fear and uncertainty in her voice. Like I’ve said before, for as long as I’ve known Jen, she’s always been easily startled and grossed out by the littlest of things. This time however, I had a hard time understanding what it was she could be afraid of. Was it because I was thrashing about? Was it because I was screaming? What is it that made this situation scare her so much?

“Yes… in fact I do and I-” I paused for a moment to try to gather my thoughts. I was so drained from thrashing about in my sleep and drenched from my own sweat and tears. I needed to just get inside and rest for a bit. I was just so done with tonight and everything that happened. I tried to stand up and get out of the car and as soon as I tried to stand up, I felt myself fall forward then pitch blackness embraced me.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in my own bed the next morning. I could feel the gentle morning sunlight peering through the blinds on my window next to my bed. I could hear the cheerful chirping of birds and the gentle autumn breeze blowing loose leaves around. I was in one of my plain white tees as well as in pair of red plaid boxers, but how did I end up in my usual pj gear? I sat up from my bed and saw that my arms were bandaged up to my wrists. The creases underneath my fingernails was caked in blood and weird brownish-black gunk. My head and whole body was hurting like a motherfucker. It felt like as if I got ran over by an army tank or something. I groaned in pain and pulled the covers off my legs and saw my legs were bandaged as well. I looked to my left and picked my phone up off the oak finished end table. It said it was 9:31 am. I was about to jump out of bed when I saw yellow sticky note sitting on the base of my table lamp. It read “Good morning Mike! I hope you’re feeling ok. You had a bit of a tumble last night while trying to get up the stairs. We took you to the ER and the doctor said you’d be fine and that it was best to take you home and let you rest. Don’t worry about your classes Mike, we made sure that the doctor would fax a medical note to your teachers. Please give me a call or text as soon as you see this note. I’ll talk to you later buddy! -Joey and friends”. I was just so confused at this point. What happened last night? How did I fall and get hurt? How in the world did I get back here in my bed?

Now what?

Call Joey immediately

or

Wait for Joey to come home from school/work

or

Go back to part 1 of put your earbuds in and snooze

or

Go back to the beginning


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Who Decided that this was a good idea: Put your earbuds in and snooze

 Apple-OEM-Earbuds-for-iPhone-6-and-6-Plus“Hey Mike, are you okay?” Jen asked drowsily as she stretched her arms upward with a yawn.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I’m going to just pop my ear buds in for a bit and snooze.”

“Are you sure you’re alright? You normally wouldn’t turn down hearing anything what your clown of a best friend would say.” Sandra asked with concern.

I laughed and said, “Haha, you’re right about that. With Joey there never really is a dull moment.”

“Hey, what can I say? I’m the kind of person that always has a story to tell and a crowd to impress.” It made sense that Joey was this way. He had always wanted to be an author or writer of some sort. He was excellent at public speaking and had such a great way with words. He wasn’t quite the athletic type, but in grade school he nailed his performances in the Theatre arts, Writing Contests, and the Debate Teams he participated in every single time. His room lines the medals and trophies to tell the tale.

“Tonight is an exception though. I really just want to get some sleep for a few minutes before we go home.” I got all kinds of stares from my buds in the back seat. Jeff or should I say ‘Electron addict’ didn’t even lift an eye from his brand new ipad. “It has nothing to do with Joey, I swear.”

“Come on guys lay off. If Mike wants to sleep, he can sleep!” Joey smiled sweetly while gently patting my shoulder. With that being said, I put in my earbuds and fell right to sleep. Listening to meditation music always helped me sleep. My mom played it for me when I was little to help me sleep and relax when I was stressed. I’ve always been a generally anxious person. However, meditation and practicing mindfulness and spirituality makes things a bit easier on me. I was out like a light.

The next second I felt a thud that made me move forward a bit and saw that we were stopped in the middle of the road in pure darkness. Not even the lights of the car were on. The only thing I could see was the screen of my phone that shined a blue light upon my face. I felt a hand grab my right shoulder and I looked back at a gruesome sight. My friends faces were gone and replaced with what I could describe from a surrealists’ painting. Their eyes were black and lined with blotches of red and white circles. Their mouths were wide open and stretched from various angles which looked like wet paint puddles you’d find on the floor in child’s craft area. Their faces were grey and smudged with an ash like material. They all in unison started to moan and growl at once while staring at nothing. It continued to grow louder, and louder, and louder until another hand, which was Joey’s grabbed and yanked my left shoulder down to his face… my god his face… It was just an open mouth drooling black blood…. with his eyeless, noseless, and earless head covered by his curly red hair. He made the same goddamn noise that the others did! I screamed and jumped out of the car with my cellphone in hand. I fell onto the shallow ditch on the side on the road that started to cave in. Those faces who posed as my friends stared down at me as I fell straight down into a rickety old wooden coffin lined with cotton several meters under ground. There was a hole about the size of my body up top and those things stood around the hole. They had their mouths open and they drooled black liquid down onto my face, hands, feet, torso, just everywhere. It then turned into bucket fulls of putrid black liquid onto me….

Read on to part 2…..

or

Go back to the beginning


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Dream Journal- The Black Eyes Are Ripping me Apart

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The other night I had a nightmare that left me drenched in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. It was extremely intense and graphic for a mostly non-lucid dream. This is an actual nightmare I had that is still hanging around in my head. Its driving me absolutely insane and I hope writing it down will help me process it.

I was at work walking back and forth past the front doors while I was on my break. I came back from the bathroom when one of my co-workers pointed out that the tail-lights and something else was out on my car. They told me they thought I should know before leaving so I would be safe on the road. Part of me felt like going outside was going to be a bad idea if I did it alone, but I did it anyway. One of the managers tried to stop me and the same person tried to urge me to go with them, but I insisted that I would be right back. It was overcast outside and the parking lot seemed to be dead. I for some reason had a flashlight in my hand like as if I knew it was going to be dark soon. It rapidly changed from an overcast parking lot full of cars to a pitch black void of parking spaces. I went to my car and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw a black eyed woman, probably in her late teens, early twenties. She wore a light jacket, jeans, and converse. I didn’t even see that she had black eyes until after speaking with her for a few moments.

Things at this point started to get a little bit scrambled and dodgy. At one point the scene flashed to me going into an office on a grassy hill with my managers. My back and chest was covered with only a towel while I wore pants. I was absolutely soaked and drained of energy. A few kind ladies where in dully designed office were helping me, trying to calm me down, yet they were completely oblivious to what was really going on. I tried to warn them not to go outside and yet… they still did.

Again, I was snapped back into the dream where I had seen the same co-worker being dragged off by more of the black eyed mutants, yet it seemed as though he got away for a brief second. I couldn’t necessarily tell for sure if he got away until later on towards the end of the dream. Majority of people were cornered by humanoid black eyed beings and were either hidden, ripped apart, or blasted into bits of bone and dust. It was an absolute gore fest as I could only stand outside amongst the blackness, helpless, unable to save my friends. Soon, I wasn’t able to comprehend what the black eyed girl said to me. A few others tried to come my way and talk to me. I ran past them and knew immediately that I just had to do something. I ran past all of the stores in the strip, jumping from platform to platform, listening to the godawful dying screams of my friends. I tried to keep my eye on what I needed to do and there was an ancient vault across the street, behind where I worked with which I knew the answer to this would be within my grasp. I was desperate to find some solution.

I find myself in what appeared to either be an ancient vault or tomb within a warehouse across the street. The walls were lined with thousands of pictographs and symbols I could not recognize. Jewels and fine crystals lined this vault-like marking on the wall which held a very strange artifact. It was a golden oriental Japanese fan. Suddenly, a large mass of jagged, growling, demented beings tried to intimidate me from grabbing the fan. One of them hopped out from the crowed and tried to bribe, threaten, and persuade me from grabbing it. I did it any way and flew out of there free from their grasp as I could hear their dying screams. It was music to my ears to hear the shrieks from hell bound beasts for I knew it meant I was starting to succeed past their evil.

I found myself change shape. I wasn’t Alex anymore, but I was a crane like creature that could use the fan to fly. I knew that I needed to fly out of there to get help while I still could. I could hear encouraging cheers and support from the ones below me. I had to jump from platform to platform in this such bizarre place. It was a set of buildings, old and new, built above a set of small creeks and rivers. It was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I reached the top, I could see beyond the horizon. I was so close to victory knowing I could save so many people and beat these bastards. Unfortunately, that was taken from me too soon when I was gearing to fly off when I heard a scream for help, and that scream asked for me. I jumped down believing I could save them, but as I got down there, I was knocked down and overrun by a few of the black-eyed mutants. They seemed zombie like in appearance and stone cold hearted like a hell frozen over parasite. The sky and everything around me turned red and the screams got louder. I could hear shards of glass and small explosions breaking out. I jumped onto a higher platform to try to get away, but one of the more aggressive ones hopped up and ripped my right hand off, the one that held the fan. The fan’s magical powers stopped working and the banshee could not get it from the hand it held. He tried to bargain with me, and I bluffed it and ran. After that, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat and consumed by fear.


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The Grove- Visiting My Mom and the Nightmare

May 23rd 2015- Waking up from the Nightmare

I just woke up from the worst nightmare I had ever had. It’s 3:22 am and I’m still in fight or fight mode. I’m quite bewildered of this. I don’t get nightmares very often, and when I do they tend to slip away from my memory. The dream I had was just so real, and it was far worse than the one I had the night before my mom passed away.

I still remember that nightmare like as if it happened yesterday. I was 17 when I had this dream… I recall laying in bed then I heard what sounded like a large cluster of voices starting to maniacally laugh, scream, and giggle right in my ears. I jumped up from my bed onto the floor. My bedroom was just so off… My light sky blue bedroom that was normally filled with soft moon light was covered in patches of pulsating red, black, dark blue, grey, and brown orbs of light and sludge filled my whole room. The large white paneled window that sat directly in front of my bed was boarded up and oozing some sort of weird black bubbles. All of my furniture with the exception of my bed was gone. My bed was a grimy, moldy, blood soaked hospital bed that sat in an old rusty white metal frame. I remember how horrible that bed smelled too… My mirrors and pictures were taken down from the walls and replaced with patches of shiny metal bars instead. 

I look to my left to see the door to the bathroom was shaking violently like as if an ungodly forces was trying to break it down. The door began to crack and bits of light shined through that continued to get brighter until BAM! The door explodes in my face and knocks me to the porous floor. And right before me stands an entity that looked like my mother, sounded like my mother, but in no way was my mother. 

I slowly got back up and said, “Mom! What are you doing here? Are you alright?” Something about her felt so off. She had a blank, expressionless face and had this blue light that outlined her body. She wore what appeared to be like a night gown for elderly women, which was odd because she usually wore the same kind of pajamas I did. We loved to have both of our outfits match, even with pajamas.

She gently tiptoed towards me, hugged me gently, went up to my ear and whispered, “I’ll give you a chance and tell you sweetly to come to my grave with me.” I gasped and pushed her away from me. She had this crooked smile on her face with old, rotted out teeth and began to cackle. Her eyes were jet black and she had blood streaming from her eye sockets. Her neck popped out to the right and she began to walk towards me like a rigid robotic kind of child’s toy. 

I screamed to the top of my lungs and I ran to my bedroom door and it was locked. “You can’t run from me now Nikki!” she screamed, now only being a foot or two away from me. I finally was able to swing my door open to see that it was open to space and time. There were stars everywhere, and I even saw a satellite or two float by. I looked down to see the Milky Way just below me and the door. I was trapped, I had to make a decision between being killed by the thing that claimed to be my mother, or jump. So I jumped and I found myself sitting up in bed. Everything was back to normal and I took a deep breath. I remember it being around 3 am when I had that dream. After that ordeal I went back to sleep, woke up at 6 and everything is history.

The dream I had just now was pretty much the same as the dream I had about my mother, but in this dream my father and mother were in it. It still took place in my old bedroom. Everything from the dream was the same as the dream I had when I was 17, only when I opened up my bedroom door it lead to a set of stairs down into what appeared to be a fully furnished basement. It had plaid and chestnut finished furniture with fish and game trophies lining the walls. The walls were a dull grey color and the wall had this old and worn out light tan carpet which smelled like musty fish, bleach, and dust. There was a glass coffee table that sat in front of a large flat screen TV which was placed within an older fashion entertainment center. My Dad was sitting on the edge of the coffee table and even he seemed off as he had the same aura my mom had. I cried and sprinted straight to my dad, desperately grasping onto him for dear life. As I tried to grab him, he held a flat hand out to my stomach and stood up. 

“Daddy!? Daddy please help me, I think something is wrong wi-” 

He slowly stood up and said, “What do you think you are doing to your mother Nikki? Don’t you see she’s been through enough?

“Daddy, I’m not Nikki! It’s me, your daughter Joey! I need your hel-“

He violently grabbed my hair and yanked me closer to him. His eyes went jet black like my mom’s eyes and he uttered a few words behind his serrated teeth, “I have a surprise for you my love. Just wait until you see what it is.”

I screamed at him to let me go, and he did. I turned to run back up the stairs for my mother had disappeared. I heard a very loud screech from what sounded like it was coming from a bird or cat, and I looked behind to see a gruesome sight. It almost made me vomit. Both of my parents wore the same kind of gown and were holding each other’s heads up while smiling like as if it was the best day of their lives. I screamed again and ran for my fucking life up the stairs. But the stairs kept going and going! I heard a guttural voice say, “We love you Joey, oh and tell Nikki we said hello!” off in the distance. Suddenly I felt two hands grab me from the shoulders and then I find myself awake. Steve was holding me tightly and kept saying, “Wake up Jo. Please, wake up, wake up, wake up. I’m here, it’s ok.” 

After Steve calmed me down, I told him the entirety of the dream. Steve was so kind, sweet, and understanding. He already knew about everything that had happened in relations to me and my mother’s death, which indeed includes the nasty nightmare, so it wasn’t hard for him to find a way to immediately calm my nerves. I love Steve so much, he’s my everything. My rock, my companion, my best friend, and my super hero. I don’t know what I’d do without him.


Steve and I ended up watching Netflix from my laptop until we both fell asleep. We woke up at about 11:30 to find Josh sitting in front of the marble island in the kitchen smiling so sweetly. “Good morning! How did you sleep Jo? Steve?”. We both said we slept okay. Josh stepped to the side and said, “I made breakfast for you guys! Freshly cooked omelettes with bacon, sausage, toast, and your choice of fresh fruit is in the fridge all sliced, diced, and ready to go!” I ran up to Josh, gave him a hug and said thank you. Josh was always such an awesome little brother when growing up. When times were tough between my mom and dad, he was always there for me. There were quite a few times where I kicked myself for moving because of leaving Josh behind like how I did, but somehow it didn’t seem to bother him as much as I thought it would. He left a couple years after I did; buried his head in the books so he could become a teacher at a nearby university. Bakersway Community College I believe. He too got an Associates degree in Psychology and became a psychology professor at the same college he went to. I believe he got a Bachelor’s online but for the life of me I do not quite remember what for.

I was so afraid that when Steve and I were going to meet up with Josh that things would be awkward, but they weren’t. I was absolutely exhausted from the flight from Oregon to Michigan and my initial plan was for Steve and I to go straight to Josh, which was only a fifteen minute drive from the Airport. However… instead of going according to plan I asked Steve if we could stop by The Grove for a little while before going to Dad’s old place. He was reluctant on the idea at first, but for some reason I insisted that we needed to go to see my mother’s grave. I have absolutely no clue why I thought stopping by The Grove before meeting up with Josh was a good idea. 

I stood up at that set of stairs for what felt like a century. Steve and I started to walk up towards the steps when my phone started to ring. It was Josh asking if we landed safely and what time we’d be getting to Dad’s old place. Steve gently touched my shoulder and said, “Jo, I think we should save this for another day and go meet up with Josh and get things situated. I know you want to visit your mother’s grave, but I think it could wait.” I nodded in agreement as Steve and I turned around to head back to our rental car. 

I knew I should have just ignored that temptation to see mom, but I just could not help it. Like I said before, I thought things were going to be awkward with Josh. But, they really weren’t. When we got to see Josh, we basically had one big group hug. We chatted for a bit and Josh walked us into the living room. He gave us a brief summary of what he has done and what still needs to be done. Dad’s body was still in the morgue of the hospital, which I found a little bit strange, but then didn’t think too much of it because I’ll be quite frank and say I am clueless when it comes to handling these kinds of things. Josh didn’t quite know either, but he’s had a little bit of help from some of our own close friends and family which made me, Josh, and Steve feel a bit more at ease. 

So the plan today is just to relax, recover from the flight, then start getting our to-do list for Dad done tomorrow. Here goes nothing, and I hope I mean that literally.

Joey

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