Weekly Funnies- Too Funny For Halloween

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For those who don’t enjoy Halloween or the terror behind it all, here’s something that I know will make your Halloween! Not everything needs to be ‘spoopy’ or scary this time of year. There’s always room for a laugh or two, oh and maybe a D’awwww or two.

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Oh god… not the spiders, NOT THE SPIDERS!!!!

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I’m the pumpkin man! I’m not made of snow, but I’m still just as cute! 

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New year, new cut, new style.

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Don’t text and ‘fly’ god dammit!

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I’m soooooooo KAWAII!!!! Love me! Love me!

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I don’t know how to break this to you but… you don’t have a green thumb…. sorry.

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Awww shucks, he just wants a kiss! 

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Wait, what?

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The bar of chocolate a day keeps the Grim Reaper away!

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Hey! Don’t judge me.

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Smooth and classy. =3

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Most unique support group ever… ’nuff said.


I hope that bringing on the funnies brightened your day! Happy Halloween everyone!

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Creepy tongue twisters~ Can you say them 5 times fast?

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October is here! Finally! Why not kick off the month with some creepy tongue twisters. Can you say them 5 times fast? Perhaps maybe even more than 5 times faster? Go on! Give it a try! 

  1.  Creepy cannibals consume raw meat. 
  2.  Creepy creaky caskets creak open before dawn. 
  3.  Creepy undead cannibals carelessly crawl the streets at night.
  4.  Creepy clowns cruelly torture their victims.
  5.  Creepy callous spirits take form to creep people out.
  6.  Creepy crawly coarse monsters claw away at their victim’s corpses.
  7.  Creepy vampirous civilians only come out at night to play.
  8.  Creepy creatures consume skin from clueless victims. 

Did you enjoy these? Feel free to give them a try or challenge your friends with these silly creepy tongue twisters. Also feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions! 

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Who Decided that this was a good idea: Put your earbuds in and snooze

 Apple-OEM-Earbuds-for-iPhone-6-and-6-Plus“Hey Mike, are you okay?” Jen asked drowsily as she stretched her arms upward with a yawn.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I’m going to just pop my ear buds in for a bit and snooze.”

“Are you sure you’re alright? You normally wouldn’t turn down hearing anything what your clown of a best friend would say.” Sandra asked with concern.

I laughed and said, “Haha, you’re right about that. With Joey there never really is a dull moment.”

“Hey, what can I say? I’m the kind of person that always has a story to tell and a crowd to impress.” It made sense that Joey was this way. He had always wanted to be an author or writer of some sort. He was excellent at public speaking and had such a great way with words. He wasn’t quite the athletic type, but in grade school he nailed his performances in the Theatre arts, Writing Contests, and the Debate Teams he participated in every single time. His room lines the medals and trophies to tell the tale.

“Tonight is an exception though. I really just want to get some sleep for a few minutes before we go home.” I got all kinds of stares from my buds in the back seat. Jeff or should I say ‘Electron addict’ didn’t even lift an eye from his brand new ipad. “It has nothing to do with Joey, I swear.”

“Come on guys lay off. If Mike wants to sleep, he can sleep!” Joey smiled sweetly while gently patting my shoulder. With that being said, I put in my earbuds and fell right to sleep. Listening to meditation music always helped me sleep. My mom played it for me when I was little to help me sleep and relax when I was stressed. I’ve always been a generally anxious person. However, meditation and practicing mindfulness and spirituality makes things a bit easier on me. I was out like a light.

The next second I felt a thud that made me move forward a bit and saw that we were stopped in the middle of the road in pure darkness. Not even the lights of the car were on. The only thing I could see was the screen of my phone that shined a blue light upon my face. I felt a hand grab my right shoulder and I looked back at a gruesome sight. My friends faces were gone and replaced with what I could describe from a surrealists’ painting. Their eyes were black and lined with blotches of red and white circles. Their mouths were wide open and stretched from various angles which looked like wet paint puddles you’d find on the floor in child’s craft area. Their faces were grey and smudged with an ash like material. They all in unison started to moan and growl at once while staring at nothing. It continued to grow louder, and louder, and louder until another hand, which was Joey’s grabbed and yanked my left shoulder down to his face… my god his face… It was just an open mouth drooling black blood…. with his eyeless, noseless, and earless head covered by his curly red hair. He made the same goddamn noise that the others did! I screamed and jumped out of the car with my cellphone in hand. I fell onto the shallow ditch on the side on the road that started to cave in. Those faces who posed as my friends stared down at me as I fell straight down into a rickety old wooden coffin lined with cotton several meters under ground. There was a hole about the size of my body up top and those things stood around the hole. They had their mouths open and they drooled black liquid down onto my face, hands, feet, torso, just everywhere. It then turned into bucket fulls of putrid black liquid onto me….

Read on to part 2…..

or

Go back to the beginning


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Dream Journal- The Black Eyes Are Ripping me Apart

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The other night I had a nightmare that left me drenched in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. It was extremely intense and graphic for a mostly non-lucid dream. This is an actual nightmare I had that is still hanging around in my head. Its driving me absolutely insane and I hope writing it down will help me process it.

I was at work walking back and forth past the front doors while I was on my break. I came back from the bathroom when one of my co-workers pointed out that the tail-lights and something else was out on my car. They told me they thought I should know before leaving so I would be safe on the road. Part of me felt like going outside was going to be a bad idea if I did it alone, but I did it anyway. One of the managers tried to stop me and the same person tried to urge me to go with them, but I insisted that I would be right back. It was overcast outside and the parking lot seemed to be dead. I for some reason had a flashlight in my hand like as if I knew it was going to be dark soon. It rapidly changed from an overcast parking lot full of cars to a pitch black void of parking spaces. I went to my car and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw a black eyed woman, probably in her late teens, early twenties. She wore a light jacket, jeans, and converse. I didn’t even see that she had black eyes until after speaking with her for a few moments.

Things at this point started to get a little bit scrambled and dodgy. At one point the scene flashed to me going into an office on a grassy hill with my managers. My back and chest was covered with only a towel while I wore pants. I was absolutely soaked and drained of energy. A few kind ladies where in dully designed office were helping me, trying to calm me down, yet they were completely oblivious to what was really going on. I tried to warn them not to go outside and yet… they still did.

Again, I was snapped back into the dream where I had seen the same co-worker being dragged off by more of the black eyed mutants, yet it seemed as though he got away for a brief second. I couldn’t necessarily tell for sure if he got away until later on towards the end of the dream. Majority of people were cornered by humanoid black eyed beings and were either hidden, ripped apart, or blasted into bits of bone and dust. It was an absolute gore fest as I could only stand outside amongst the blackness, helpless, unable to save my friends. Soon, I wasn’t able to comprehend what the black eyed girl said to me. A few others tried to come my way and talk to me. I ran past them and knew immediately that I just had to do something. I ran past all of the stores in the strip, jumping from platform to platform, listening to the godawful dying screams of my friends. I tried to keep my eye on what I needed to do and there was an ancient vault across the street, behind where I worked with which I knew the answer to this would be within my grasp. I was desperate to find some solution.

I find myself in what appeared to either be an ancient vault or tomb within a warehouse across the street. The walls were lined with thousands of pictographs and symbols I could not recognize. Jewels and fine crystals lined this vault-like marking on the wall which held a very strange artifact. It was a golden oriental Japanese fan. Suddenly, a large mass of jagged, growling, demented beings tried to intimidate me from grabbing the fan. One of them hopped out from the crowed and tried to bribe, threaten, and persuade me from grabbing it. I did it any way and flew out of there free from their grasp as I could hear their dying screams. It was music to my ears to hear the shrieks from hell bound beasts for I knew it meant I was starting to succeed past their evil.

I found myself change shape. I wasn’t Alex anymore, but I was a crane like creature that could use the fan to fly. I knew that I needed to fly out of there to get help while I still could. I could hear encouraging cheers and support from the ones below me. I had to jump from platform to platform in this such bizarre place. It was a set of buildings, old and new, built above a set of small creeks and rivers. It was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I reached the top, I could see beyond the horizon. I was so close to victory knowing I could save so many people and beat these bastards. Unfortunately, that was taken from me too soon when I was gearing to fly off when I heard a scream for help, and that scream asked for me. I jumped down believing I could save them, but as I got down there, I was knocked down and overrun by a few of the black-eyed mutants. They seemed zombie like in appearance and stone cold hearted like a hell frozen over parasite. The sky and everything around me turned red and the screams got louder. I could hear shards of glass and small explosions breaking out. I jumped onto a higher platform to try to get away, but one of the more aggressive ones hopped up and ripped my right hand off, the one that held the fan. The fan’s magical powers stopped working and the banshee could not get it from the hand it held. He tried to bargain with me, and I bluffed it and ran. After that, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat and consumed by fear.


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The Nymph: Tendencies

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I’ve grown ever so tired from being a lonely being in a lonely forest.

My abode has been desecrated by those who hate me and want to take my life.

Tagged, ripped apart, looted, and then down to the ground in ashes overnight.

I lost all of my humanoid trophies and possessions from the fire.

Nothing left to comfort me during my lonely nights.

My precious cadavers, teeth, hair, skin, eyes, entrails, everything is gone.

I have left it all behind after it was burnt to the ground.

I made an important discovery which might lead to my future success of ending this torment.

A gravel like dirt path, one that has very recent tread marks on it. 

So I followed the path by night for it is my primal time.

After a night of traveling on foot I made a new discovery…

Ah and just a few hours before sunrise… I found something! A place of dwelling! A rather small one I would say, and it sits up on the ground too and not below… huh.

Some of the lighting still appears to be on and one of the windows is cracked open.

Oooooohhh! I can’t wait to meet my new trop- er friend-companion, yes.

I gentle morph the frame of my body so I can slide in without making a single sound.

I entered into a dimly lit room… it was odd and had many pearly white and shiny reflective surfaces.

Ah! Look at this! It appears to be a relatively young man lying in bed, resting for the night.

I tiptoe with glee and jump directly onto his tender stomach.

Ohhhh he must be MINE!!!!

His skin… his hair… his eyes… his lips, teeth, oh so perfect.

Perfect structure, perfect posture, perfect everything.

I cannot wait for you to enter my world dear friend… but this time things are going to be different.

I won’t let you live now that I have you within my hands.

I wish for company that is long dead, like me… but still so perfect.

Preservation, tender care, embalming, and worshipping these humanoid beings is key.

My tendencies is to embalm and re-create the human structures to be something of mine.

You will come with me so we can trap others my beautiful one.

Come with me my dear one… this will be fun.

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Flatlining Candle Light

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From the beginning of days I knew I would fade away.

Fade away from wick to wax to dust…

Wasn’t that enough?

Isn’t the slow decay of my life enough to satisfy you evil one?

I only have what feels like centuries to go, yet my drilling pain has not yet been alleviated.

Is it just me that you are after?

If it is, why so demonic fallen angel?

What is it that resides in the void of my soul you ever so desire?

Is it love, hope, faith, a crutch?

A hidden stairway back to heaven?

A heaven which you rejected and denied?

The answer will continue to be unknown.

I’ve been programmed to die since the date of my first birth.

I’ve lived hundreds of lives only to die the way I did within the first.

Death through suffering and pain.

I continue to feel that pain centuries later.

I’m flatlining within your palms.

The palms of a malevolent being of infinite power.

God help me…

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