Nameless Dreamer- Saying Goodbye to the Old World

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“Let’s go!” Before the girl could speak, the orb swiftly picked up the girl and flung her over the endless waterfall. She looked down at the infinite bottom below her that never seemed to end. The Indigo orb catches her by her shoulders and hovers with her above one of the floating pieces of rock. The orb placed her down onto the rock and floated by her face. The orb appeared to have new features that it didn’t have before. Larger wings of gold and a ring of light floating above it.

“Spirit orb… is that a halo above your head?”

“You may call it that if you wish.”

“What else would it be?”

“Now that is a lesson for another day!”

“And… your wings are bigger. Much bigger than they were before.”

“Yes! That they are. Like you, I am still growing. We never stop growing. None of us do.”

“Well, what is it that I’m growing?” The girl feels her shoulder blades towards the lumps on her back and have found that they are even bigger than they were before. They were both about 6 inches in length and had a soft, fuzzy web like texture to them. “What is this??”

“You’re growing into the divine soul that you’re meant to illuminate unto us all.”

“Say what?” The girl tilts her head to the side in response to the orb’s statement.

“In other words, you’re right where you need to be. But first, there is one thing that you must do before moving forward.” The orb gently taps the girl’s nose. 

“What is that?” The orb circled around her head and darted off. 

“This way!” 

“Are you insane??? I can’t reach these floating island thingys!”

“Yes you can! Just jump!” With that the girl looked upwards to the smaller floating boulders that were to her left. With all her might, she crouched down to her ankles and jumped onto the next floating boulder. The sense of gravity seemed to be nearing towards non-existant. She hovered high above the boulder before slowy landing on top of it. Whoa! That was freaky!

“Be careful dear girl. The gravity here is far different from the gravity that you have been acustomed to. Now, let’s get going!” The orb continued to dart off to the skies. It weaved and wobbed around boulders, trees, and other creatures and oddities that existed in this strange place. The girl was not too behind the Indigo Orb. She miraculously kept close to the orb. Her movements weren’t weighed down by anything and she traveled faster than the fastest creature known to man. But how was this possible for a young girl? The orb and girl stop upon a crescent shaped boulder that was high up in the lavender skies. There was a fairly large bubble floating at the middle of the boulder. “This is it.”

“What is this?” The girl took a close look and saw something startled her, causing her fall to backwards onto the grassy boulder. Her mouth was agape at what she saw. What she saw was flashes of her everyday life that she once knew. Her place of work, her home, her college, her friends, and her family. Old memories of laughter, tears, loss, celebrations, and everything inbetween rotated within the bubble. 

In a soft, but somber voice, the orb said, “It is time to let this go.” Those words made the girl’s stomach drop lower than ever before. Her heart started to feel heavy and it hurt, greatly.

“What do you mean by let this go spirit orb?” 

“It’s time to let this go.”

“You don’t mean… pop it, do you?” She looked back at the orb and then at the orb. The girl’s heart began to race and she felt an uncontrollable sense of panic. It ran through her body like watercolor paint within a fresh drop of water. 

“No. I won’t do it!” With that she fell onto the ground in pure agony. This was far worse than the pain she felt on the solid surface of the water in the beginning. The pain was throbbing pins and needles that permeated through her entire being. It paralyzed her to the ground and she could not move. 

“If you do not let it go, the pain within your body and soul will only get worse.” 

“But everything I know and love will go away! And I don’t want it to go away!” She cried harder than any time she has cried in her entire existence. It was as deep as her pain, if not deeper. A deep soul cry that echoed through the stars. She couldn’t explain where this feeling was coming from and why, but what she did know was this pain came from somewhere. 

“Come now, that is far from the truth! Just because you let go of something, doesn’t mean that it is gone forever.” 

“Will I die if I do this? Will I forget everything?” All of the faces of people she loved dearly pressed their faces against the inside of the bubble, except for one that was especially significant to her. However, she couldn’t quite remember who. At the time it just truly didn’t matter anymore. 

“No you will not. I will help you up so you can pierce this bubble.” The orb lifted the pain from the girl’s body and she was finally able to rise to her feet. Tears rolled down her warm tender cheeks and every part of her body was stiff and achy. She looked at the bubble again and saw that the inside of it turned cloudy and gray. Screaming and crying eminated from the bubble, begging the girl not to touch it. “All you need to do is touch it and it will burst. It will be a bit overwhelming, possibly scary when you do it, but I can assure you that the feeling will be gone within a few moments.” 

“Okay.” The girl took a deep breath and walked up to the bubble. The screams and cries got louder, nearly ear shattering loud. The girl took another deep breath, closed her eyes, then touched the bubble with her right hand. A massive ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’ eminated from the bubble as it burst. A massive wave of wind from the bubble knocked the girl to her knees. Silence replaced the screams. The bubble was gone, and so was everything that flashed before her eyes. The girl’s mind went completely blank. She covered her face with her hands and cried once more. The orb floated to her face and surrounded her body with light. 

“It will be alright dear girl. It’s over.” The light surrounded the girl turned into a bubble of infinite light. The light made her feel like she was being carressed by the softest being that ever existed. With each tear that dropped, an ounce of pain dissipated from her body. However, she didn’t feel a sense of relief for several minutes until something cold and wet nudged at her hands. It kept nudging at her hands until the girl removed her hands from her face. A familiar friendly face appeared in front of her eyes. 

“Feather!!!!!!” She tightly grabbed onto the glowing white puppy and held on for dear life. “I thought that you were gone!” She backed away at an arm’s length to get a closer look at her beloved friend. The puppy tilted his head and smiled. She hugged the puppy again and gave her a kiss on the cheek. The puppy began to relentlessly lick her face until the tears were gone. “So, it’s not over?”

“It has only just begun dear girl. And the best part is, you have a friendly face to join you on this new journey.”

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Part 1- Intro | Part 2- The Development of Wings | Part 3- An Awakening | Part 4- Growing Pains | Next Part

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Positivity and Funnies: Affirmation 8

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Why do we worry so much about having control?

It is not possible to have control over everything, except for ourselves.

And even then at the end of the day, does it even matter?

It doesn’t.

The less we focus having control over everything, the less we have to worry about, right?

Things happen for a reason.

We may not know that reason, but is really such a bad thing not to know nor to have control over it?

Things always work themselves out in the end.

Stop worrying about the little things; everyday stressors, deadlines, commitments, expectations, time, time, time….

It’s okay, I promise. 😉

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Silly but True? No, but True.

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I know it’s not easy.

You have to let go.

Don’t radiate anger.

Don’t radiate pure hate.

Don’t radiate malice.

No good comes from it all.

Please don’t drain your life force.

Embrace inner color.

Radiate your inner light.

Radiate pure love.

Spread pure happiness!

Dude, let that shit go man!


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Loss Frozen Through Thoughts

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Painful thoughts throb in my mind as I drag through the days.

I’m not the same person as I used to be before everything happened. 

I changed after I knew I wasn’t wanted, needed, appreciated, and loved.

The hoops you had me jump wore out my legs, twisted my insides, and drained my spirit.

My heart and soul were bent and twisted to fit the kind of companion you wished for.

Sometimes I was your personal pet that you trained to be your own and no one else’s.

Sometimes I was your scapegoat to take the heat from your mistakes.

Sometimes I was used as a venting tool only when it was needed.

But never a true companion….

My own efforts to succeed beyond the finish line that was made for me went unnoticed.

A single mistake lead to harsh punishments and companion shaming… which led to companion hating.

You chose when to punish me and you chose when to forgive me.

The unconditional love you promised to give to me and all others was a fallacy.

Everyone else in your eyes was either a walking flaw or a soul who could do no wrong.

You could never see the pain you have caused, nor the damage that was done to me.

My world became shrouded in darkness for all to see.

Thoughts and feelings of sorrow froze into a nonstop neverending loop of madness.

Any spot of sunlight in my life appeared to be vile and obscene in your eyes.

One day I grabbed a sunspot and wrapped it around my body.

I let the light lift me up even when you attempted to grab my feet and pull me down.

I decided that I wanted to change and go to the next level.

I changed for the better. 

I changed to embrace a new tomorrow. 

You didn’t come with me.

You didn’t grow and flourish like how you said you would.

You didn’t wish for me to be happy or succeed.

You didn’t want to be happy and instead wished for pain on others.

You didn’t want to wish for a better tomorrow.

You didn’t want to be my true companion.

Life didn’t seem to work out in the way I wanted it to.

Unfortunately it just had to be this way.

Patches of old thoughts have yet to thaw out today, but for the most part it is Spring in my mind.

I still miss the old memories, the long laughs, the warm smiles, and times that were good to each other. 

But I can’t miss you, wish for your return, nor have you in my life again.

It has to be this way for the both of us.

I won’t question that.

I’m ready for a new tomorrow.

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Synchronicity: Going with the Flow

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These synchronistic events happen for a reason;

Not for a season.

It’s time surrender to and allow the eternal flow of the Universe to come;

It’s power will show you exactly where you need to go.

In reality, it’s really not that hard to go with the flow;

You know?

The only thing that stops us is the mind.

It stops us from growing, learning, perceiving, and even being kind.

Get past the mind, get past the ego, and get past all of the fear.

In reality, there really is nothing to fear my dear.

So let go and let be.

Sooner or later, our truth will be bestowed onto you and me.

Just fill yourself with love and light, that’s all you need see?

-Alex

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Dream Journal- Part 2: The Archangel Encounter

(Note- due to size of dream journal entry, this will be a 3 part entry made up of 3 separate posts. This is part 2. Names and identities will remain anonymous.)

The affectionate night with Cain seemed to blend and bleed itself into a dream of soft, pastel, rose-colored streams of colored water that reflected ourselves sleeping with one another. I woke up with Cain standing behind me and found Janice and a few others still there in the morning. I was worried about her and asked where her significant other was. She told me that she had her boyfriend and not to worry. Well, I set up a special surprise and got her boyfriend to come to see us. He walked behind Janice and tapped her on the shoulder. She was ecstatic to know that he was there because he had been out of town for the longest time. They both kissed, walked off, and waved goodbye to me.

I turned towards Cain and we were starting to walk off as I heard my mom call to me. I run towards her and Cain had an expression of discomfort and worry on his face. I was excited to see her and gave her a hug. She told me about how she missed me and I expressed the same thing to her and we both asked each other a few mundane questions about our everyday lives. It was cut short when my mom sharply interrupted me and told me to drop every single thing that I was doing. I became ever so confused and asked her what she meant. She got even deeper as she told me to drop my job, my home, my surroundings, my friends, and now this new venture for it wouldn’t be good for me. She also told me she knew best and that I needed to come home. I kept trying to tell her that I couldn’t, even wouldn’t because I was happy. It didn’t seem to phase her at all and I just felt like part of me was being sucked in and couldn’t get away.

Cain told me it was time to go and I refused to leave, thinking that there was something wrong with my mom. She then tried to reach her hand out to me and told me not to go, crying hysterically. She started to morph and decay into a very nasty form that no longer even represented my mom. Cain grabbed me and said, “Come on Alex! Let’s go! You have got to let go of the past! Come on, let’s go!”. We both ran out of the stadium and into a completely different place from the school. I started to cry myself, feeling like part of me was being ripped away. Cain slowly walked up to me and gently carressed my hair and face, kissed me, hugged me and then stood in front of me with his arms on my shoulders. Our surroundings slowly started to morph into a softly sunlit green pasture with lofty trees and roaring mountains. 

In a gentle but stern voice, Cain explained to me how I had to drop my past and leave it behind me. I was hysterical and again felt as though something important was being ripped towards me. Cain was so patient with me, that I greatly appreciated. Anger started to grow more apparent on his face and I knew it was not towards me. He kissed me on my forehead, said I love you swiftly, and I said it in returned. He turned around and told me he would be right back and not to follow him. I asked for him to wait, but before I could go further, a few of my friends ran past me and followed Cain. Janice stopped for a second to tell me to stay here. I could hear a massive inhuman shriek coming from the distance as they ran across the stage and it morphed into a stone part of the mountain. 

I could no longer see them. I looked upon my surroundings and saw more hills, trees, and a body of water a few hundred yards away from me. I heard a soft male voice hit my ears and saw an angellic presence in front of me. To me, it looked like Archangel Chamuel. Long dirty blonde hair, soft rose white wings, a robe made of pinks, reds, and gold. His face looked immortal. I do not quite remember the message he protrayed onto me. But what I could understand was to not feel bad for others who have done wrong, don’t pity for people of the past, I’m doing the right thing, move forward, move on with my goals and dreams, have fun with friends, and stay with Cain. 

(Move onto part 3 of Dream)

(Back to part 1 of Dream)

-Alex

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2016- Wrapping Up a Year I Wish to Forget

2016, I am so happy that it is starting to wrap up. I wish to forget this year for so many reasons. I spent majority of this year stuck in a thick fog of darkness with which I never had a moment’s thought that I could get out of it. I considered constant sadness and misery to be a normal part of life, which in reality that’s not the case at all.

The first reason I wish to forget is because of how many close friends I have lost in such a short span of time. Many people who I had wished to be my friends turned out to be something that they were not. The flip of a die could reveal one face of my frenemies as another flip could reveal the worst. I was heartbroken to lose such wonderful friends, even though my connections with them weren’t as wonderful. This happened do to a wide variety of reasons. One, I outgrew them. I was heading down another past where as others would either lay dormant or head into a completely different direction, that’s just a part of life. Two, they have betrayed my trust. It takes a lot to upset me, but what really upsets me is when someone makes a promise to be trustworthy only to turn around and question why it is I could trust them. Three, the creation of lists on things I have done wrong. I still fathom why I have met so many people who wish to take the easy way out and to blame their own actions on others. Four, I’ve been turned into a human punching bag. Normal to lose one’s cool when in the moment, but a repetitive nature to hurt others becomes toxic. Five, I allowed them to take advantage of me. My kindness can be a downfall to others who only wish to feed off of you for their own personal game. I still continue to put my love and kindness to others despite that possibly being an open door to abuse. Lastly, they gave up. True friends NEVER give up on one another. No matter how hard things get, true friends stick around through the end. Some of my past friends have been their support for so long only to just stop and give up when it gets too difficult for them. Its like throwing in the towel to something so precious in the world.

My second reason to drop this behind me is because I spent far too much time neglecting my own health. I spent far too much time stressing on the future where it just ruined me in the end. I couldn’t sleep, I either under or over ate, I was constantly sick, missed far too much work and school, going to the doctor made no difference, and I could not relax no matter what I did. The things I used to enjoy no longer seemed to phase me or encourage me to move forward. Now, that is a different story. I am so much happier and healthier now.

Third reason is spending too much time feeling personal anger, guilt, and beating up myself over something I could never control. I always felt as though it was my fault for my family having so many conflicts and conundrums. To me, my presence seemed to only make things so much worse. I have learned otherwise now that I cannot control the actions of others. I let my guilt and anger build up so much to the point whether I questioned if my life was worth living. I no longer feel this way anymore and haven’t for many months now.

Lastly, death’s presence could be felt looming over my shoulders. The deaths of so many famous people and fearing the potential death of some of my loved ones made my blood run cold. I could not shake off the violent nightmares and flashbacks. I still fear these things today, but now I have learned that there is absolutely nothing to fear. The best thing now is cherish every moment of life and love every bit of it, even the bad stuff.

I am ready to let go of the hell that brought me near to death and back this year. I am ready to put the past behind me and to look forward to the new year. The future is truly bright and I know this to be true. Now, I’m opening the door to the unknown and I can’t wait to see what the other side entails.

-Alex