May 25th 2015- I don’t even know what’s going on….

Yes! That is now my header for today’s great clusterfuck of events! One thing lead to another which lead to another and now… and now Joshua is being held in protective custody. No one will tell me anything, not even Steve. I kept pushing the question on Steve and all he could tell me is I don’t know… One minute my brother was in his room, as fine as he can be in this shitty situation. Then the next he is being taken out on the gurney through a pair of double doors which automatically lock whenever someone has walked through them. There are cops and people in white coats everywhere… they took Steve into the double doors too. He struggled. I couldn’t help him. I got up and fell flat on my face. Flat on my face. My ears are ringing and everything is fuzzy.

This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening………

I need help. I think they gave me something…. The monster of blackness is near…. it took my parents and now it’s going to take me. I feel its hollowed eyes on me. I can see its wide toothy grin with serrated yellow and brown teeth. I can feel its breath on my face. I can feel it looming over my shoulders… this heaviness… I don’t know how much time I have left. I write this as a way to find calm but god dammit it’s not working. The cops and people in white coats are starting to close in around me with syringes and handcuffs… arms drawn. They should just kill me too…. I want to die. Free me from the monster of blackness… save me. save me. svea em. sven ma. me svea. save. me.