Catching up!

Hello! My apologies for the lack of posts and content lately. I’ve recently been hit by one of many life’s curveballs…. right in the gut, or so it seems. It has taken it’s toll on me emotionally and physically over the past few weeks. Since then, life itself really hasn’t been easy lately, and I’ve found it difficult to find the motivation to continue to pursue all of the great things I had in front of me. After feeling so down and beaten up, I realized that I couldn’t continue to feel defeated from things that were out of my control. I must use my passion to give me drive when I feel stranded in the darkness. With that I am moving forward with my personal passion and drive! 


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Giving Up & In

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I have lost the will to be anything other than me.

The weight of the mask bears too much on my fragile heart.

I’m not a terrible person; I am a person who seeks love and belonging.

I search despite the fact I feel as though I am unworthy for it.

I have grown sick of the twisted melodies flooding my mind every single night.

I no longer wish to hide from the world for it has already consumed me to a morsel of dust.

Dear mind, please let me be me for once.

I no longer wish to fight this losing battle.

Set me free from this disguise so I can finally heal from my seeping wounds.

I deserve to have a chance too…


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(Please help join the cause to fight against Depression by joining forces with Depression Army!)

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Happiness #182- Share

“We have everything we need to be happy, but we aren’t happy. Something’s missing.” ― Ray Bradbury

via Happiness #182 — emotionsoflife2016

Thoughts #981- Share

“Our skin will get old, but the conversations will continue to be the same or even more interesting. Listen to your elders, there is always something new to learn. See yourself IN them.” Manuel Osornio Image source https://www.pexels.com/ Stay Connected!!! Instagram:@_emotions_of_life_2016 Twitter: @emotionsoflife1 Thank you for considering supporting emotionsoflife2016 on Patreon! You make this blog possible

via Thoughts #981 — emotionsoflife2016

More Little Things

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Do you know what brings a smile to your face? What is it that makes you feel light warm fuzzies in your heart? Do these things bring you up when you feel lower than core of the earth? If you struggle to find the reasons, little or small to continue to press on, may I share with you a few things that might spark some light within your heart?

Warm morning sunlight on skin

The smell of rain

Chirping birds outside the window

A freshly made bed

Sleeping deeply into the afternoon

Freshly made homemade cookies

Watching the snow fall from the window

Long lasting hugs

Gentle kisses on the cheek, lips, or head

Gentle warm steam on skin from a hot shower

Warm linens fresh from the dryer

Ice cold water on a hot Summer’s day

Coming home from a long day of work or studies

So, if you just look for the little things such as these each and every day and you just might find your level of happiness increasing as time goes on. There is always something to live for.


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Soul Death Composition

Fallen_angelI have forgotten everything.

Existence itself has become ever so fickle to me.

What does this thing called existence mean?

I can’t remember anything beyond suffering.

My mind has forgotten what exists beyond the clouds.

Is there anything that exists beyond the clouds in my head?

I have forgotten what it was like to be me when I felt alive and whole.

I have been forgotten along with the many other broken souls who lie before me.

We have been left behind within the distant endless swirls of rusty grey dust and ash.

The composition of love is a complex concept for those who have sealed their hearts to avoid the cruel.

The formula of creating the death of a soul is the blackness from unforgiveness, hatred, and unrelenting malice.

Is there hope for the fallen? Is there hope for the broken? Is there hope for the lost? Is there hope for the lonely? Is there hope for the hated? Is there hope for the forgotten?

Yes.


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(NOTE: There is unity, comfort, and support that can be found by confiding in others. Don’t do this alone. You don’t have to do this alone. Help awaits no matter where you are in the world.)

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Dream Journal- The Black Eyes Are Ripping me Apart

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The other night I had a nightmare that left me drenched in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. It was extremely intense and graphic for a mostly non-lucid dream. This is an actual nightmare I had that is still hanging around in my head. Its driving me absolutely insane and I hope writing it down will help me process it.

I was at work walking back and forth past the front doors while I was on my break. I came back from the bathroom when one of my co-workers pointed out that the tail-lights and something else was out on my car. They told me they thought I should know before leaving so I would be safe on the road. Part of me felt like going outside was going to be a bad idea if I did it alone, but I did it anyway. One of the managers tried to stop me and the same person tried to urge me to go with them, but I insisted that I would be right back. It was overcast outside and the parking lot seemed to be dead. I for some reason had a flashlight in my hand like as if I knew it was going to be dark soon. It rapidly changed from an overcast parking lot full of cars to a pitch black void of parking spaces. I went to my car and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw a black eyed woman, probably in her late teens, early twenties. She wore a light jacket, jeans, and converse. I didn’t even see that she had black eyes until after speaking with her for a few moments.

Things at this point started to get a little bit scrambled and dodgy. At one point the scene flashed to me going into an office on a grassy hill with my managers. My back and chest was covered with only a towel while I wore pants. I was absolutely soaked and drained of energy. A few kind ladies where in dully designed office were helping me, trying to calm me down, yet they were completely oblivious to what was really going on. I tried to warn them not to go outside and yet… they still did.

Again, I was snapped back into the dream where I had seen the same co-worker being dragged off by more of the black eyed mutants, yet it seemed as though he got away for a brief second. I couldn’t necessarily tell for sure if he got away until later on towards the end of the dream. Majority of people were cornered by humanoid black eyed beings and were either hidden, ripped apart, or blasted into bits of bone and dust. It was an absolute gore fest as I could only stand outside amongst the blackness, helpless, unable to save my friends. Soon, I wasn’t able to comprehend what the black eyed girl said to me. A few others tried to come my way and talk to me. I ran past them and knew immediately that I just had to do something. I ran past all of the stores in the strip, jumping from platform to platform, listening to the godawful dying screams of my friends. I tried to keep my eye on what I needed to do and there was an ancient vault across the street, behind where I worked with which I knew the answer to this would be within my grasp. I was desperate to find some solution.

I find myself in what appeared to either be an ancient vault or tomb within a warehouse across the street. The walls were lined with thousands of pictographs and symbols I could not recognize. Jewels and fine crystals lined this vault-like marking on the wall which held a very strange artifact. It was a golden oriental Japanese fan. Suddenly, a large mass of jagged, growling, demented beings tried to intimidate me from grabbing the fan. One of them hopped out from the crowed and tried to bribe, threaten, and persuade me from grabbing it. I did it any way and flew out of there free from their grasp as I could hear their dying screams. It was music to my ears to hear the shrieks from hell bound beasts for I knew it meant I was starting to succeed past their evil.

I found myself change shape. I wasn’t Alex anymore, but I was a crane like creature that could use the fan to fly. I knew that I needed to fly out of there to get help while I still could. I could hear encouraging cheers and support from the ones below me. I had to jump from platform to platform in this such bizarre place. It was a set of buildings, old and new, built above a set of small creeks and rivers. It was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I reached the top, I could see beyond the horizon. I was so close to victory knowing I could save so many people and beat these bastards. Unfortunately, that was taken from me too soon when I was gearing to fly off when I heard a scream for help, and that scream asked for me. I jumped down believing I could save them, but as I got down there, I was knocked down and overrun by a few of the black-eyed mutants. They seemed zombie like in appearance and stone cold hearted like a hell frozen over parasite. The sky and everything around me turned red and the screams got louder. I could hear shards of glass and small explosions breaking out. I jumped onto a higher platform to try to get away, but one of the more aggressive ones hopped up and ripped my right hand off, the one that held the fan. The fan’s magical powers stopped working and the banshee could not get it from the hand it held. He tried to bargain with me, and I bluffed it and ran. After that, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat and consumed by fear.


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