Categories
Randomness Writing and Poetry

The Line

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Did I cross the line? Break a boundary? Crack a foundation?

I cannot see the damage that I have done, but I sure feel the sting of blank consequences.

What line did I break to cause this agony?

Please tell me what I did wrong. Please tell me what I did to deserve this.

I’m six feet deep in pain, and the worst has yet to come.

It burns my skin to ash, splits my bones, slits my veins, drains my blood, fails my organs…

Shatters my soul, breaks my spirit, ends me…

I’ve died millions of times only to come back that I never truly lived, and never truly died.

Everything reminds me of the wrong in me instead of the right. God I wish I didn’t care anymore.

I wish I didn’t care anymore.


(inspired by anonymous)

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Categories
Alex Speak Universal World World of Psyche Writing and Poetry

Soul Death Composition

Fallen_angelI have forgotten everything.

Existence itself has become ever so fickle to me.

What does this thing called existence mean?

I can’t remember anything beyond suffering.

My mind has forgotten what exists beyond the clouds.

Is there anything that exists beyond the clouds in my head?

I have forgotten what it was like to be me when I felt alive and whole.

I have been forgotten along with the many other broken souls who lie before me.

We have been left behind within the distant endless swirls of rusty grey dust and ash.

The composition of love is a complex concept for those who have sealed their hearts to avoid the cruel.

The formula of creating the death of a soul is the blackness from unforgiveness, hatred, and unrelenting malice.

Is there hope for the fallen? Is there hope for the broken? Is there hope for the lost? Is there hope for the lonely? Is there hope for the hated? Is there hope for the forgotten?

Yes.


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(NOTE: There is unity, comfort, and support that can be found by confiding in others. Don’t do this alone. You don’t have to do this alone. Help awaits no matter where you are in the world.)

(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured image)

 

 

 

Categories
Alex Speak Dreams Synchronicities World of Psyche

Dream Journal- The Black Eyes Are Ripping me Apart

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The other night I had a nightmare that left me drenched in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. It was extremely intense and graphic for a mostly non-lucid dream. This is an actual nightmare I had that is still hanging around in my head. Its driving me absolutely insane and I hope writing it down will help me process it.

I was at work walking back and forth past the front doors while I was on my break. I came back from the bathroom when one of my co-workers pointed out that the tail-lights and something else was out on my car. They told me they thought I should know before leaving so I would be safe on the road. Part of me felt like going outside was going to be a bad idea if I did it alone, but I did it anyway. One of the managers tried to stop me and the same person tried to urge me to go with them, but I insisted that I would be right back. It was overcast outside and the parking lot seemed to be dead. I for some reason had a flashlight in my hand like as if I knew it was going to be dark soon. It rapidly changed from an overcast parking lot full of cars to a pitch black void of parking spaces. I went to my car and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw a black eyed woman, probably in her late teens, early twenties. She wore a light jacket, jeans, and converse. I didn’t even see that she had black eyes until after speaking with her for a few moments.

Things at this point started to get a little bit scrambled and dodgy. At one point the scene flashed to me going into an office on a grassy hill with my managers. My back and chest was covered with only a towel while I wore pants. I was absolutely soaked and drained of energy. A few kind ladies where in dully designed office were helping me, trying to calm me down, yet they were completely oblivious to what was really going on. I tried to warn them not to go outside and yet… they still did.

Again, I was snapped back into the dream where I had seen the same co-worker being dragged off by more of the black eyed mutants, yet it seemed as though he got away for a brief second. I couldn’t necessarily tell for sure if he got away until later on towards the end of the dream. Majority of people were cornered by humanoid black eyed beings and were either hidden, ripped apart, or blasted into bits of bone and dust. It was an absolute gore fest as I could only stand outside amongst the blackness, helpless, unable to save my friends. Soon, I wasn’t able to comprehend what the black eyed girl said to me. A few others tried to come my way and talk to me. I ran past them and knew immediately that I just had to do something. I ran past all of the stores in the strip, jumping from platform to platform, listening to the godawful dying screams of my friends. I tried to keep my eye on what I needed to do and there was an ancient vault across the street, behind where I worked with which I knew the answer to this would be within my grasp. I was desperate to find some solution.

I find myself in what appeared to either be an ancient vault or tomb within a warehouse across the street. The walls were lined with thousands of pictographs and symbols I could not recognize. Jewels and fine crystals lined this vault-like marking on the wall which held a very strange artifact. It was a golden oriental Japanese fan. Suddenly, a large mass of jagged, growling, demented beings tried to intimidate me from grabbing the fan. One of them hopped out from the crowed and tried to bribe, threaten, and persuade me from grabbing it. I did it any way and flew out of there free from their grasp as I could hear their dying screams. It was music to my ears to hear the shrieks from hell bound beasts for I knew it meant I was starting to succeed past their evil.

I found myself change shape. I wasn’t Alex anymore, but I was a crane like creature that could use the fan to fly. I knew that I needed to fly out of there to get help while I still could. I could hear encouraging cheers and support from the ones below me. I had to jump from platform to platform in this such bizarre place. It was a set of buildings, old and new, built above a set of small creeks and rivers. It was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I reached the top, I could see beyond the horizon. I was so close to victory knowing I could save so many people and beat these bastards. Unfortunately, that was taken from me too soon when I was gearing to fly off when I heard a scream for help, and that scream asked for me. I jumped down believing I could save them, but as I got down there, I was knocked down and overrun by a few of the black-eyed mutants. They seemed zombie like in appearance and stone cold hearted like a hell frozen over parasite. The sky and everything around me turned red and the screams got louder. I could hear shards of glass and small explosions breaking out. I jumped onto a higher platform to try to get away, but one of the more aggressive ones hopped up and ripped my right hand off, the one that held the fan. The fan’s magical powers stopped working and the banshee could not get it from the hand it held. He tried to bargain with me, and I bluffed it and ran. After that, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat and consumed by fear.


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(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured media)

Categories
Dreams World of Psyche

Dream Journal: The Dream I Wish to Forget

I hate this dream. I hate it with a passion. I wish I never had it. It just reminds me how much the ego and the mind can really get to you sometimes. Anyway, moving on.

I cannot quite remember where this dream started. What I can remember being on a porch that sat on an endless grassy field that stretched for what seemed an eternity. I had Laurie, my best friend and a link to my soul family standing in front of me. She was smiling and looking towards me as we remained silent. I could recall the smell of steak and other foods sizzling on the barbecue. It smelled amazing. Then all of a sudden a flash of a computer screen, an old boxy square one from the early 2000’s was right in front of me. I was sitting within a dark bedroom and I was chatting with dear Laurie online. We were having a fight of some sorts, I’m not too sure what about though. Its almost like as if part of me was enraging and ranting over nothing, but deep within myself I was dying. I wanted it to stop. One of my worst fears came true, Laurie told me she was going to block me and that we will never speak or see each other again. She also went talking about how she was going to go enjoy time with other people in my life. I remember screaming and crying at the stupid screen. I held my face and kept screaming “NO!” and “Why!?”. Someone came into frame and tried to gently pull me away from the computer. I was reluctant, but then eventually walked away from the computer.

All of a sudden, the computer flashed and my vision went back and forth between the screen of the computer, the grassy porch, and the inside of an open floor home seeing Laurie getting ready to serve a plate of food inside. There were a few others in there as well, but I could not tell who they were. Still feeling lost, disdained, and confused with the flashing imagery in my head. I grabbed towards one of them as the person who tried to pull me away from the computer said “NO! Hey, wait, what are you doing?”. What was interesting was that his presence never left even though I went through the portal. I was transported to the same open floor house where Laurie resided. I was frantic, yet relieved and excited to see her. She was happy to see me as always, and so was another gentleman who was there, different from the person who stayed behind me the whole time. I broke down and told Laurie what had happened and how upset I was, and she had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. I told her about the online chat and being blocked, there was one thing that she said that made a chill run up my spine. “Dear, that wasn’t me. I didn’t block you on Facebook or anywhere for that fact.” I asked who did, she shrugged and said “It was probably someone else dear, I don’t know.” A joke was thrown in there about a doppleganger. It made my blood run cold.

 

Laurie walked off with a gentle breeze and carefree demeanor into the outdoor yard. I asked where she was going, but then she disappeared. I had the view of a sliding glass door which had the view of a massive pool surrounded by columns, marble, and greenery. I heard a noise and ran to the left. The whole house morphed into what felt my old childhood home and something from a nightmare. A creepy old lady came up to me and asked what my business was, than told me to beware of the dark shadows and monsters that lurk the house at night. A dog-like monster ran past her and she pulled out a shotgun then loaded it. She told me not to worry and ran off with a loud ‘Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I’ll get ya fucker if its the last thing I do! Come here you little dirty rat dogs! I’ll get ya!’ and some other weird nonsense. The dogs didn’t seem to pay too much attention to me, even when I tried to stop them, they just nipped at me without physically touching me then running off. I saw flashes off so many strange things in my head, but couldn’t keep track of what they were. That concludes the dream I wish to forget.