Who Decided That This was a Good Idea: Stay in the Car and Wait for Authorities Pt 2

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A fuzzy vision of me sitting in the passenger seat of the car heading into a tree briefly flashed within my sight and smacked me right back into reality. My whole body sprung upwards like a heavily wound up Jack-In-The-Box. I shot up from the bed I found myself in, drenched in sweat with my heart was pounding outside of my chest. I was greeted by the officers as well as a nurse and a doctor in royal blue scrubs. “Joey! Jen! Nick! Guys! Where am I? GOD!!-” I screamed out at the top of my lungs. Both officers gently shushed me and gestured me to lay back. They caressed me and rubbed my back and shoulders until I calmed down.

“Shhhhh… Michael it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over now. I need you to lay back and relax.” The nurse gently pushed against my chest and gestured me to lay back. Both the young officer and sheriff slowly backed away from me and moved to the front of the bed where I could both see them. 

“Why am I in the hospital? What happened? Where are my friends? Were you able to find them?” I couldn’t control myself. Part of my mind told me to stay calm while the other told me that I needed answers. “What happened to me? Where are my friends? Are they alive? Are they…” the solemn looks from everyone described it all.

“Only one of your friends survived the crash, Joseph I bel-” 

“Joey?? Where is he? Can I see him now??? What happened to the rest of my friends? Where are they??” The impact from my injuries forced me to lay back down. Any movement I made the excruciating pain that much worse.

“They died on impact son. Two of your friends were launched quite a distance away from the car due to the mere force of the accident. Th-” 

“Please… I don’t want to hear any more about it. I…” I completely lost myself within my own tears and cried harder than I have ever cried in my entire life. All I could remember was sitting up in the hospital bed, head between knees. The officers stayed by my side the whole entire time, and I am so grateful that they did. 

A few hours later, my mom and dad came. They burst through the doorway of my room. “Michael! Thank god you’re alright… oh my baby!” I could remember my mom crying out as she held me close to her chest. My Dad held me and my mom close together in a massive bear hug. We held each other for what felt like an eternity. The officers stayed sitting in the chairs right in front of the windows. 

“Mom, Dad I’m sorry I-“

“Shhhhhhh it’s alright. It’s alright. There is nothing for you to be sorry for.” My mom interrupted me as she gently stroked my hair. “We’re all just glad that you’re okay.”

“If there anything we can get for you son?” My Dad said as he gently leaned closer to me. My Dad looked solemn, tired. I’ve never seen my Dad like this before, not even when Grandpa died. His hair was disheveled, his gray eyes were bloodshot, and his skin almost colorless.

“No, I’m okay Dad, thanks though.” I nodded, assuring him I was okay. He walked out the door and joined the officers who were sitting in the cafe, which was thankfully down a couple doors from where I was. 

I was in the hospital for a few weeks before I was allowed to go home. Joey was in critical condition for a few days, then slowly started to decline. He died not too long after. His back was broken in four different places, had a punctured lung, eternal bleeding, and had severe brain injury from the impact of his head ramming into the steering wheel. 

I attended all of my friend’s funerals. Each one was back to back to back. It rained for what seemed to be like an eternity. A small monument in the shape of a heart was engraved into a sheet of bedrock that was put on a hill in the cemetery. Like the rain, our tears dropped endlessly. I dropped out of school and moved back home. I just needed time to recover before I could face reality again. What is reality now? I’m starting to question myself. In fact, I’m starting to question if I ever truly made it out of that accident, or if I’m still alive, stuck in some sort of flux in time or space. 

I think I’m still stuck in this nightmare. I really don’t think this is over. I see my dead friends everywhere I go. They stand around and they just stare at me with empty eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I always see this black thing. It’s kind of like a dog or a rat… Another thing is… I haven’t been able to sleep since the accident. The accident was over four months ago, and I still haven’t slept. That’s not humanly possible. I also can’t feel my toes and feet as I walk, and when I do walk I feel like I’m not entirely touching the ground… what’s going on?

Bad Ending… ?

But wait… there’s more to this… read on…

or 

Start at the very beginning

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Red Winter River

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Deadly beauty at its finest.

The elixir of the red rose’s thorns mixed within a river of ice.

That is what we are.

The Red Winter river flows during this time of great transition.

I met my love here, right at the moment when we were both born.

Bonded blood by blood, skin by skin, bone by bone, particle by particle, being by being.

Sweetly satisfying to the touch.

Forever held together by intimacy and passion.

Soul flames burning as one.

In order for us to continue to spread love in the red is to find a host.

We’re waiting for you my dear…

We need new blood… we need you.

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Dream Journal- If Death was a Human

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It has definitely been awhile since I have made any dream journal entries. This dream that I had a few nights ago really stuck out to me because of its nature and overall message. I have never seen Death as an actual physical, human-like being… until I had this dream. 

I was walking with a large group of people, which seemed to be a class from school. We were in a different state, Oregon or Washington most likely. There was a bit of a chill in the air and very low humidity. The scenery was mostly a dull gray color with the exception of the greenery and the colorful neon lights that lined the inside of a bar that we were about to go into. What was strange about this is we were on a campus or town square of some sort, and it was deserted with the exception of me and the class I was going with. We went into the bar which all of a sudden felt as though it was on water with a gentle ebb and flow tilting the room side to side. It was a basic classic bar with everything made from oak and bright neon signs and wine glasses hanging from the ceiling above the bar area. All of a sudden we were surrounded by these strange men with glassy eyes who grabbed a large amount of people and pushed them through a large black door. They tried to grab me too, but I yanked away from them and made it out the front door. 

I was back outside with dozens of people who were standing in a large circle. There was a malevolent looking woman, dressed in black and red, with this black swirling mist that loosely wrapped around her body like a serpent pacing around me and a few other people. She had a wicked smile, black and red eyes, light blonde hair, and pearl white teeth. There was an amphitheater and stage and a large bed of navy blue water that sat before the stage. Everyone appeared to be in a trance and more people slowly walked to the circle which grew in size. I challenged the malevolent woman on what was happening and she claimed that this was the work of death itself; which the woman presumed to be death. Cracks of thunder and lightning came from the sky that lit up our surroundings and all of the entranced people were picked up from the lightning and were placed in several different locations. Folks were transported to a concrete coliseum with a grassy stage while others were transported to open fields of nothingness as well as several random locations in the city such as a prison yard, the stage, and the bar. 

I could see where all of the people were and how they were to die, and I felt so helpless. It was torture watching tens, hundreds, thousands of people being annihilated with the blink of an eye. A light jolted through the innocents by the thousands, which caused the earth to raise for a single moment, and as soon as it started it stopped. Their bodies went limp and I felt myself screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. I looked back at the woman and again, screamed at her, asking her why. It was just me and her at that moment in time. Suddenly parts of her body started to show between the seams of her clothes and the truth of her form was revealed: she was made up of several different body parts from different people, stitched together limb by limb. Each limb differed in shade ever so slightly, but generally it was all the same. Soon out of the woman’s mass, a man with thick black hair, dark eyes, ‘perfect’ structure, and looks that could kill. These two people were made by the body parts of the fallen. The man soon claimed himself as being death and I was stuck with them. 

I felt so much anger and rage as I saw both of them live in luxury. They had everything they could ever want, except everything was either black or dark-colored damask. They had everything from their own personal amphitheater, massive mansion filled with riches, and exotic creatures that could only ever exist in a dream. They had all of the power in the world, being able to kill by the millions who were entranced by their black magic. But then… they got bored. This created slight conflict with Death and his mistress. Suddenly, their body parts that were stitched together started to slightly tear, mix, and morph with other body parts. I held light within my own hands; it radiated around my body and I took my chance to disable Death. With the use of my light, their most prized exotic animal, also made from the dead dissolved and melted to nothing. Death’s mistress popped into a cloud of smoke and light then dissolved to dust. Death had lost control of his own humanoid form and I walked from their room onto the outdoor stage that faced the water.

I stared up at the sky and heard a deep voice praising me and encouraging me to go forward. A light started to envelop me and I could hear the voices of many cheer me on, even though I felt so unsure. I was then given wings, which I had all along as well as many other gifts added on to my being. The edges of each gift lit up like lightning and felt warm and sensitive to the touch. I knew right then and there what I had to do as the light parted the clouds in the sky, and the angelic beings which glowed in pure light, came down to me and started to guide me. I ran through the field of nothingness to find if anyone was still alive. I was heartbroken to find that I couldn’t find any survivors, until I went a little bit farther down. I was relieved to hear that there were still many others that were alive who still needed my help. I managed to help free people of their trances, then my vision turned to light as I woke up.

I still wonder if the dream reflects anything going on it my life literally or metaphorically… who knows?

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When Will It Happen?

dab9f7b1f5faa306c9b90fcfe1c91fa3--life-and-death-grim-reaper When will it happen?

When should I expect it to happen?

When am I going to hear back from you, doctor?

When will I be free from this room?

When will I be free from six years of confinement?

When will I see the sun?

When will I feel the rain gently kiss my cheeks?

When will you tell me the reason why I’m in here doctor?

When will I know what I did wrong?

When will I know how I got these bruises and scrapes all over my body?

When will I know where all of this blood came from?

When will I have my knife set back, doctor?

When will I know who the person laying in a pool of blood is?

Is it you?

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P.S.- I am now on Patreon and Paypal! Any help and support that you can give is always appreciated. Thank you so much

 

Confession #5: Fear of Death Complex

23df25064d0585f9129d3b5a86d11f05 “Let me start off by saying that I do not fear PHYSICAL death; the flatline, the last breath, the last heartbeat, the last moment of life only to be ended so suddenly like the flame from a candle blown out. I must emphasize that I don’t fear dying as well. 

What impacts this is my own personal truths about the aspect of physical death. I must note that horror has never really made a difference with the fear of life or death in my eyes, surprisingly. I’ve never been one of religion, really. I am know my stuff when it comes to religion and belief systems, and I’m very open-minded. I’m spiritual and open minded, not religious. However, I will NOT do anything to shove my own beliefs into one’s throat just because it might differ from my own. That’s pure ignorance. Do I believe in God? Yes, I do. But I am also a believer of things such as Reincarnation, Awakening and Ascension, Angels and Ascended Masters, having a divine life purpose, Universal Consciousness, LOA (Law of Attraction), Karma, and lastly, everything happens for a reason. I also believe that there is malevolent energy out there… parasites, voids of energy that take on our own fears, and just plain negative energy. 

What I fear is the darkness the outward manifestations that surrounds the concept of death. Whether it be physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual, there are some factors about it that scare me so. I cannot explain why, but sometimes the darkness from death manifests itself outwardly.

For example, there have been times in my life where I can smell this ungodly stench b5693754f9477e28acab5720b23b71a4--cousins-tattoo-ideaswhenever someone has passed away, be it a loved one or someone close. Sometimes it smells like moist, sticky, foul, rotting soil beneath the undergrowth of trees or greenery from above. I have never been to a cemetery, nor a funeral home, nor any place that has involved death. The times that I have smelled this foul odor is when I was about 8 years old and then again at the age of 13. As I’ve gotten older, when the time of death has come, the smell has only gotten worse. I’ve seen the smell manifest in ways unrelated to physical death, but more along the lines of death/ending of a chapter in my life be it an aspect of a relationship with someone. Thankfully it has been a while since I have picked up on the smell. The best way I can describe the smell now is death and decay, it’s indescribable. The good news is, the smell doesn’t come often. Lastly, I must add that I have smelled foul odors in locations where death is prominent (i.e. a place where someone has died in the past). 

Another thing I fear is the nightmares. I have PTSD and am prone to having nightmares from time to time, but sometimes other factors affects the nightmares such as death. I’ve had countless nightmares about death. They vary between myself, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my dog Zuzu, and other people I hold dear in my life. It’s never subtle either. When I see death of others in my dreams often violent, gruesome, unforgiving, intense, and horrifying. And nightmares where I do not see people die, I’m given the imagery from what I can describe as an abstract version of death. 

Lastly, it’s the sickness that I see in others, or even just the concept of sickness makes me cringe. I watched my mom battle cancer for seven years. She’s had breast cancer twice, colon cancer, then lastly, lung cancer. She’s had chemo, radiation, and several surgeries over the past few years. I remember as a teenager I watched how ill she was, and I could feel death hanging around us. It was the worst feeling in the world; not being able to do a single thing about this. I always felt this heavy weight on my shoulders and my chest, back, legs, every fiber of my being felt pinned down by death’s presence. Besides my mom, I have seen many individuals struggle with cancer, addictions, and many other health conditions. (Not to worry, my mom is A-okay now! My mom has been tested this year and has been declared cancer free has a clean bill of health!!!)

In the end, I always strive for life, rebirth, and new beginnings, but I also honor and accept that there is a balance of life and death.

However, without a doubt there is nothing more horrifying that being stuck between your fears and the time flux of death and decay, regardless of its appearance.”

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Who decided that this was a good idea: Go to bed and leave the front door unlocked

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At this point, I didn’t know what else to do other than just go to bed and leave the front door open. Joey is an adult, he can make his own decisions. Is it possible that maybe something was wrong with him medically? I can’t say for certain. I decided that going to bed and not meddling with anything else would be good… yeah. I don’t want to make things worse! What am I saying??? I’m rambling to myself…

I went up the stairs, walked inside to our flat and gave out a loud yawn. However, as I stretched and yawned, something didn’t feel quite right… and it is unusually cold. It wasn’t your typical early to mid autumn chill… I mean it felt like a walk in freezer. I looked to my left and noticed that the two large windows that sat above our L-shaped couch were left wide often, but there was barely even a breeze coming out of them. I don’t recall leaving them open, but figured Joey might’ve done it. He’s not as anal about keeping the windows closed like how I am. When I closed the windows everything warmed up just a little bit. But still, something felt off. It was still chilly and the tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. The only thing I could hear is my heartbeat throbbing between my ears and my heavy breathing. I felt as though someone else was in the room with me. Suddenly a loud crashing noise snapped me out from my weird trance and created a rush of adreneline skyrocket through my veins. I hop into the small kitchen and saw our glass pitcher shattered on the white and gray linoliem tiled floor. The old chestnut cabinets were left all open as well as the drawers. The dining room that sat across from the small kitchen had scraps of paper, pens, books and napkins all over the place. 

I had enough. I didn’t care if all of this shit was paranormal or not. I was over it and was ready to go to bed. I began to clean up the shattered glass, scattered items, and closed the cabinets and drawers. At one point I heard a large boom above me as well as a short, disembodied cackle, then the chill and tense feeling in the house stopped. I left out a huge sigh of relief. I made the kitchen and dining room spotless within 10 minutes, and oddly it was quite satisfying. After cleaning everything up, I took a long and hot shower, got into my gray, black, and white pjs, and hopped into bed. I was out like a light as soon as my head hit the pillow. 

I had a very brief dream that lasted for maybe a few seconds and it scared the bejeezus out of me. I saw myself sleeping and saw a patchy gray colored humanoid like figure with jagged teeth, sunken red eyes, and no hair. It was completely naked and its whole body appeared to be drenched in sweat or something for it shined in the moonlight like a rubber glove. It’s face only inches away from mine, violently convulsing, twitching, and screaming to the top of its lungs, which caused me to lunge forward out of my deep slumber. I saw that it was 4:30 am and before I could do anything, I just told myself that it was a bad dream and went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later at around 7:30 am. I walked into Joey’s room, seeing that the door was open and saw that his bed was empty. His room looked like it had been untouched since the day before, but what was even more bizarre was that EVERYTHING in that room was neat and tidy. Joey is far from being the kind of person to keep things spotless, he’s always been this way growing up. I was astonished! Books were put away, laundry and random nick knacks that covered the floor was picked up and put away, and the room smelled so pleasant! Damn, even I couldn’t imagine seeing his room thing clean like this! I felt the back of my neck and back tingled and my insides squirmed. I couldn’t move. Suddenly my phone went off and I saw a text message from Joey. He was okay, he was at his parents house and was going to stay there for a few days. He apologized profusely about what happened last night. I texted him back, telling him no worries and was happy to hear that he was ok. 

After I texted Joey, I walked into the bathroom and saw a sight that I will never forget. It was Joey hanging from the hook on our bathroom door. I screamed and fell straight on my ass. He was covered in what appeared to be black ash and fresh blood. Half of his face and skull was missing and had a massive hole in his body… he was gutted out. His clothes had rips and patches of bile, foul odered liquids, and blood. His arms and legs dangled losely everytime his body swayed side to side. A large pool of blood gathered onto the once spotless blue tile. I could not believe what I was seeing. 

“This can’t be happening!!! Joey!!” I squeaked as my eyes welled with tears. “How could this be? I JUST texted you!” I slowly stood up as I began to sob uncontrollably. I didn’t know what to do, and I still don’t. I turned back for a second when I got back up from the floor, and turned back around to the bathroom floor to find that Joey was gone. However, the puddle of blood and a few bits of bone and flesh remained on the floor and door. “What in the actual fuck is going on???? I am losing my fucking mind!”. Good god what is happening to me???

Investigate the bathroom further for clues

or

Call the police

or 

Do nothing

or

Start from the beginning…


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(gif credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured gif)

I do, don’t you?

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‘Tis my life’s calling, you know… the darkness fills my soul with enlightenment.

The night is my sanctuary, my happy place, my dwelling, the origin of who I really am.

Don’t insult me with petty excuses on why the darkness should be feared.

It should be loved and embraced by any light spot that blinds you willingly. 

How can you see with those lights in your eyes? Can you see your inner truth now?

Learn to adjust to your eyes to the blackness… allow yourself to succumb to it’s beauty.

Allow it to grip your insides like worms consuming an apple. 

Allow them to eat your hideous mask from the inside out. 

Embrace the decay for it shall lead you to rebirth.

Death is the new birth.

Welcome.


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(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured image)