Confession #8- Lover of Numbers

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“I cannot deny that I am a lover of numbers, not just any numbers: Angel Numerology. It was a concept of synchronicities that was integrated into my life by one of many Doreen Virtue’s books and written pieces. I have always believed in God (Creator) and that everything happens for a reason, and yes I have indeed heard of angels and spirit guides. However, I did not realize how much of an influence they as well many as other Ascended Masters impacted our everyday lives. Nor did I realize that the Universe itself has a way of reaching out to us; letting us know that we are on the right path. Or maybe besides that, something of importance that is crucial for our life’s journey.

It’s also not just Angel Numerology I love, I also just enjoy Numerology. I love how these numbers tie into our everyday lives. Each number has its own unique meaning; everything from birthdates, transactions, license plates, timers, clocks, pageviews on a website, etc. I even have my favorites like anything involving 7’s. 7 is my lucky number! Anyway, all of the pictures in the slideshow are some of many examples of synchronicities that I have had the pleasure and luck to catch on camera! I hope you enjoy some of the links I’ve posted as well as the pictures too.”

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Note: I have a Patreon and a Paypal, for those who wish to continue to help me on my journey! Thank you!

Confession #7- Apophenia and Pareidolias

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“I’ve always been able to pick up on things that not all people can. I can easily pick out a face, a being, an interesting pattern or form of imagery out of nothing. I can’t quite remember how long I’ve been able to pick up on little things like that, but I love being able to see the hidden beauty in day to day items. This is more than just simply having a wild imagination. The human mind is such a powerful thing, so powerful that it can make you see things that aren’t really there. Do you happen to see any Pareidolias in the slideshow of pictures I have shuffling towards the top of this post?”

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Hey! I now have a Patreon and Paypal for those who wish to contribute towards my journey. Any and all help will always be appreciated! Thank you!

Confession #5: Fear of Death Complex

23df25064d0585f9129d3b5a86d11f05 “Let me start off by saying that I do not fear PHYSICAL death; the flatline, the last breath, the last heartbeat, the last moment of life only to be ended so suddenly like the flame from a candle blown out. I must emphasize that I don’t fear dying as well. 

What impacts this is my own personal truths about the aspect of physical death. I must note that horror has never really made a difference with the fear of life or death in my eyes, surprisingly. I’ve never been one of religion, really. I am know my stuff when it comes to religion and belief systems, and I’m very open-minded. I’m spiritual and open minded, not religious. However, I will NOT do anything to shove my own beliefs into one’s throat just because it might differ from my own. That’s pure ignorance. Do I believe in God? Yes, I do. But I am also a believer of things such as Reincarnation, Awakening and Ascension, Angels and Ascended Masters, having a divine life purpose, Universal Consciousness, LOA (Law of Attraction), Karma, and lastly, everything happens for a reason. I also believe that there is malevolent energy out there… parasites, voids of energy that take on our own fears, and just plain negative energy. 

What I fear is the darkness the outward manifestations that surrounds the concept of death. Whether it be physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual, there are some factors about it that scare me so. I cannot explain why, but sometimes the darkness from death manifests itself outwardly.

For example, there have been times in my life where I can smell this ungodly stench b5693754f9477e28acab5720b23b71a4--cousins-tattoo-ideaswhenever someone has passed away, be it a loved one or someone close. Sometimes it smells like moist, sticky, foul, rotting soil beneath the undergrowth of trees or greenery from above. I have never been to a cemetery, nor a funeral home, nor any place that has involved death. The times that I have smelled this foul odor is when I was about 8 years old and then again at the age of 13. As I’ve gotten older, when the time of death has come, the smell has only gotten worse. I’ve seen the smell manifest in ways unrelated to physical death, but more along the lines of death/ending of a chapter in my life be it an aspect of a relationship with someone. Thankfully it has been a while since I have picked up on the smell. The best way I can describe the smell now is death and decay, it’s indescribable. The good news is, the smell doesn’t come often. Lastly, I must add that I have smelled foul odors in locations where death is prominent (i.e. a place where someone has died in the past). 

Another thing I fear is the nightmares. I have PTSD and am prone to having nightmares from time to time, but sometimes other factors affects the nightmares such as death. I’ve had countless nightmares about death. They vary between myself, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my dog Zuzu, and other people I hold dear in my life. It’s never subtle either. When I see death of others in my dreams often violent, gruesome, unforgiving, intense, and horrifying. And nightmares where I do not see people die, I’m given the imagery from what I can describe as an abstract version of death. 

Lastly, it’s the sickness that I see in others, or even just the concept of sickness makes me cringe. I watched my mom battle cancer for seven years. She’s had breast cancer twice, colon cancer, then lastly, lung cancer. She’s had chemo, radiation, and several surgeries over the past few years. I remember as a teenager I watched how ill she was, and I could feel death hanging around us. It was the worst feeling in the world; not being able to do a single thing about this. I always felt this heavy weight on my shoulders and my chest, back, legs, every fiber of my being felt pinned down by death’s presence. Besides my mom, I have seen many individuals struggle with cancer, addictions, and many other health conditions. (Not to worry, my mom is A-okay now! My mom has been tested this year and has been declared cancer free has a clean bill of health!!!)

In the end, I always strive for life, rebirth, and new beginnings, but I also honor and accept that there is a balance of life and death.

However, without a doubt there is nothing more horrifying that being stuck between your fears and the time flux of death and decay, regardless of its appearance.”

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Confession #4

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“I have had many days where I don’t want to do anything but to eat and sleep. These days of not wanting to get out of bed only occurs in patterns. It wasn’t always like this though, I used to feel like I couldn’t get out of bed nearly 24/7. I am proud to say that this conundrum has improved greatly over time. However, the thing is I STILL have days where I can’t get out of bed. What happens is I end up having so many ideas on all of these things I want and need to do. I pep-talk myself to get up and go do stuff… but there are some days where it just does not work no matter what I do. I’m not ashamed to admit it that I have those days and I know deep down in my heart and soul that I’m not the only one who is struggling with this. I give much love and light to those who are struggling to this very day.”


Please don’t try to do this alone; you don’t have to. You are loved, you are needed, and there is always something to live for. ❤

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Confession #3

chocolate

“I am a major, major, major chocolate addict. I know that might not be an out of the ordinary confession for many, many people have sweet teeth and chocolate addictions. However… I decided to take it into my own hands to turn the OCD stigma into something positive in my eyes. OCD in reality means Obviously Chocolate is Delicious!!! So, remember that OCD has it’s own definition! (P.S. I am munching on some chocolate while writing this lovely post!”

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I’m on Patreon and Paypal! Any kind of support that is offered is greatly appreciated. 

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to contact me at ASnowpasta@gmail.com.

Confession #2

Back-to-School

“If I had the option to go back in time to when I was in my teens, I would simply decline it. If I had the option to change my past, again I would simply decline. If I had the power to change anything related to school, again I would simply decline that as well. Having all of this power in my hands doesn’t mean anything if I had to repeat a phase(s) in my life that I wish to change.”

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Hello! I’m now on Patreon and Paypal! Any kind of support will always be supported and appreciated. 

For any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to contact me via: ASnowpasta@gmail.com

Confession

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“All I ever feel is unconditional love for all. Even if I don’t know it or deny it, the love within me is always there. I even feel unconditional love for the most vile things in this world. To this day, I still question how this can be.”

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I‘m now on Patreon and Paypal! Any support that is given is greatly appreciated!

For questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to contact me via: ASnowpasta@gmail.com