Dream Journal: Suicide or Escape

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This is the third time that I have had this dream now, and this time I can fully recall all of the details of this dream. Within the span of about 3-4 months I have had this same exact dream, with the exception of certain aspects of the dream emphasized per dream occurrence. Everything about this dream felt so trippy and unreal, and yet at the same time crystal clear. I must have been in some sort of trance in the dream, if that’s even possible.

Here are a couple interesting things about this dream: Three places were heavily focused on in the dream (which I will describe shortly), but why 3 specific places? Also, a few of the same people from work have showed up in this dream just like how they have before. For example, Ty has shown up in not just one dream, but in several dreams such as the Pyramid Dream and Vulnerabilities and Tattoos Dream.

On with the dream! I found myself in my hometown, specifically at my parents house. Ty and another coworker was patrolling the neighborhood which, oddly he did so for my safety. It was late and the only thing that illuminated the streets were the orange glow of street lamps and a couple lights that were on in front of my parent’s house. It also was made apparent that there was a random Target down the street. LITERALLY in the middle of the street too. Ty came by on my street specifically and my parents and I waved hello. He stopped by to see if everything was okay and if we needed anything. My mom harshly stopped Ty in his tracks to complain about the poor treatment of raccoons and other animals that lived our neighborhood. Ty pulled me aside and in almost a whisper, asked me what that was about. I had absolutely no idea! My mom then chimed in and said a very snarky, nasty comment about work that I could not hear, but made apparent to Ty that I did something I wasn’t supposed to, which I wasn’t sure what I did, in fact. The lights of the house and the street lamps began to move and change color. I overheard another co-worker coming and then something about my job possibly being on the line.

My head was a major mess. I kept thinking about work, home, school, family life, and past trauma and problems that suddenly were brought forward by this statement. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to be out of the spotlight, alone. I felt the eyes of my parents on me and a few others as other people could be heard in the distance. I bodly said to Ty that I wished to die, I wished for suicide. I began to cry and I ran off where others could not see me. I could magically manifest wings that could help me fly into the trees or bushes to hide as well as to fly off to places where I could be seen. I could hear Ty and others scrambling around as I would take off from hiding spot to hiding spot in the middle of the night. I cried what felt like for an eternity fleeing down the road past my old high school and making a left upon this path which was partially covered by a rainforest. I went through the tunnel of trees that led to the most beautiful place I have ever seen. A massive waterfall took half of my view from the left side and the right side had a row of Tikis, statues, and precious stones. a path weaved between the trees and past the row of hills. I felt magic all around me, orbs and magical beings surrounded me. Some of them wore tribal paint and wooden masks while others just like everyday people like you or me. The wildlife resembled dragon-like beings, maybe even faeries, I couldn’t keep track of them all. I just knew that they knew me and I knew them. I was given the task to straighten around some of the tikis and precious stones not just on the hills, but on the platforms that sat in front of the waterfall which I had to use some sort of telekinetic abilities to move things around. When everything was perfectly aligned, with one thump on one of the many objects let off an echo of a thousand notes. I myself and all of the beings sung and it was so beautiful. I began to ascend the mountain tops in front of me when my dad appeared.

Everything around me hid and I had to go back from where I came. I was in front of the highschool and my dad directed part of the path to be covered in cement. I felt angered by this, but realized I knew how to get in there regardless of the cement. I was gifted, I thought. Suddenly, a weird being came by and caught my dad off guard, forcing him to leave me and tend to something else. I look up the hill that sits right at the high school and envision a massive pileup created by a number of clueless high school students. It happened right in front of my eyes before I could stop it. Bodies landed on top of one another and got stuck between car parts. There was screams as blood and gore was shed, but that soon disappeared into dust which then manifested itself into the form of ghosts that began to enter an odd shaped building within the gym. A haunted building for that matter, I just knew it was. Not just haunted, but there was malevolent energy in that dammed square shaped building. I knew that I had to go back and take care of something around my parent’s neighborhood.

I appeared back into the neighborhood and saw that people scrambled around in the streets looking for me. Ty yelled out for me and apologized for what he had said and that my job was safe. Another coworker confirmed that as well, and they both said they needed to know that I was going to be okay. Ty wanted me to come back with him so he could keep me safe. They begged and pleaded for me to come back over and over again. I didn’t care and thought to myself that this was something I needed to do. I soon headed north from my old neighborhood and went deep into a wooded bridge covered in snow. I could her Ty and my coworkers yelling “Wait!” and “Alex! Come back!”. I knew that they would eventually find my path and follow me. I felt comfortable knowing what I was doing despite the cold. In a vision I could see a line of zombies walking down a path going the opposite direction of the highschool. The got up from the ground and went towards a dysmal place where as I got closer to the light.

So… uh… strange dream, right?

cooltext233084778546006

 

Letter to Dearest: Epilogue (Grande Finale)

VTIWraU

To my dearest,

This will be my final entry to you; this is the end of all endings. 

My chest burns fucking raw from the absolute zero frost inside my heart.

I endlessly curse the skies and damn the grounds from which I stand upon.

I must know!!! Tell me now… tell me this; why does evil exist?

Apathy, carelessness, selfishness, negligence?

An eternal rage that burns even the most innocent of souls. 

Are you feeling pure joy now?

How can this be oh dearest?

Why must the most unconditionally loving souls disintegrate into nothingness?

The innocents suffer and die while the malevolent entities dance and sing. 

I have caught many in their ruthless acts of violence and abuse. 

I’ve even picked up on the smallest wifs of negligence and abandonment.

I condemn the demented souls that walk upon this earth.

I have never wished harm or suffering to be put upon these things…

Except for now… god damn them!

I wish for the forces of god to come and strike down the ones made of filth and lies.

Eradicate the pure evil that walks upon this earth.

Banish the spirits of the damned that roam within these planes of existence.

Rid the souls of light from the abominations that suck us all dry.

Allow the ones who learn from their mistakes a chance to evolve and learn.

I don’t need this, you don’t need this, we don’t need this! 

I’ve lost my fucking mind!!

When will this fucking madness end???

I’m ending this fucking disasterpiece!

THIS ENDS TODAY.

END!

tumblr_mrt1jbHLpS1sem0e4o1_500

cooltext249072193481591

The Bloodletting

tumblr_static_filename_640_v2

 What brought on the rolling sea of the dead?

What makes this water so red?

Will sanity take place instead?

Well, these are all very good questions but here’s the answer:

Hell fucking no.

Without the bloodletting, there’d be nothing to show.

People by the thousands would never even know.

It wouldn’t be right to let the violence be unnoticed.

Don’t you agree with this? I certainly do!

You can’t rake bloodmuck under the carpet that sticks to the broom like freshly sliced entrails.

The bloodmuck will continue to overflow and flood civilians.

The bloodmuck is your own filth.

You created the bloodmuck during the sacred bloodletting.

Time to clean it up… good luck.

blood425


cooltext235279995878110

(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured media)

Letter To Dearest- Disasterpiece

vtiwrau

Here I am once again my Dearest;

I am here writing to you once again great disasterpiece creator.

I motherfucking hope that you are happy.

Will my overall being suffice? Or does my vile nature do that.

The nature you imbedded in my feet, gnarling barbed roots twisting into the mud, reaching towards the core.

Bounded to the love you gave me to use… I can still feel it pumping in my veins. 

The fibers of my veins erode away from its acidic effects.

It seeps into my skin and reflects outwards into my aura.

My insides burn infinitely from the blinded rage within.

All that exists has gouged out eyes and drilled through eardrums. 

The walking blind, the crawling deaf, the flying dead, the jaded ones.

Why did you create me dearest? For what purpose? I refuse to believe what it could be.

I’ve heard this all before and before and before that and before them.

Before they came, before they appeared, before they spoke, before they listened.

Before it all began. Before my existence. Before all.

Hell is real. She laughs at our expense. She is aroused by our sorrows.

She’s not a devil, nor a demon, nor a being. She’s in your head. 

Hell exists within our minds alone. Her entity exists in our minds.

The Divine Exists too… he watches me, he follows me, he guides me.

Blinding, morphing, creating, changing…

She smiles in my presence… The Divine smiles in my presence…

What the fuck do you want from me?

You won’t singe me, nor save me.

But now it’s just me… who else?

With me… no one other than my ‘divine’ presence. 

I’m no savior, no saint, no prophet, no healer… nothing.

I am the disasterpiece.

I am your disasterpiece.

You’re welcome.


cooltext235279995878110

(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured image)

Blessed Be

Blessed be the gifted

Blessed be the gifted and

Blessed be the gifted and loved

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void of

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void of the 

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void in the universe

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void in the universe… you

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void in the universe… you are

Blessed be the gifted and loved liars of the blackest void in the universe… you are fucked.

cooltext243282752403441


cooltext235279995878110

Dream Journal- The Black Eyes Are Ripping me Apart

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The other night I had a nightmare that left me drenched in a cold sweat, hyperventilating. It was extremely intense and graphic for a mostly non-lucid dream. This is an actual nightmare I had that is still hanging around in my head. Its driving me absolutely insane and I hope writing it down will help me process it.

I was at work walking back and forth past the front doors while I was on my break. I came back from the bathroom when one of my co-workers pointed out that the tail-lights and something else was out on my car. They told me they thought I should know before leaving so I would be safe on the road. Part of me felt like going outside was going to be a bad idea if I did it alone, but I did it anyway. One of the managers tried to stop me and the same person tried to urge me to go with them, but I insisted that I would be right back. It was overcast outside and the parking lot seemed to be dead. I for some reason had a flashlight in my hand like as if I knew it was going to be dark soon. It rapidly changed from an overcast parking lot full of cars to a pitch black void of parking spaces. I went to my car and that is when all hell broke loose. I saw a black eyed woman, probably in her late teens, early twenties. She wore a light jacket, jeans, and converse. I didn’t even see that she had black eyes until after speaking with her for a few moments.

Things at this point started to get a little bit scrambled and dodgy. At one point the scene flashed to me going into an office on a grassy hill with my managers. My back and chest was covered with only a towel while I wore pants. I was absolutely soaked and drained of energy. A few kind ladies where in dully designed office were helping me, trying to calm me down, yet they were completely oblivious to what was really going on. I tried to warn them not to go outside and yet… they still did.

Again, I was snapped back into the dream where I had seen the same co-worker being dragged off by more of the black eyed mutants, yet it seemed as though he got away for a brief second. I couldn’t necessarily tell for sure if he got away until later on towards the end of the dream. Majority of people were cornered by humanoid black eyed beings and were either hidden, ripped apart, or blasted into bits of bone and dust. It was an absolute gore fest as I could only stand outside amongst the blackness, helpless, unable to save my friends. Soon, I wasn’t able to comprehend what the black eyed girl said to me. A few others tried to come my way and talk to me. I ran past them and knew immediately that I just had to do something. I ran past all of the stores in the strip, jumping from platform to platform, listening to the godawful dying screams of my friends. I tried to keep my eye on what I needed to do and there was an ancient vault across the street, behind where I worked with which I knew the answer to this would be within my grasp. I was desperate to find some solution.

I find myself in what appeared to either be an ancient vault or tomb within a warehouse across the street. The walls were lined with thousands of pictographs and symbols I could not recognize. Jewels and fine crystals lined this vault-like marking on the wall which held a very strange artifact. It was a golden oriental Japanese fan. Suddenly, a large mass of jagged, growling, demented beings tried to intimidate me from grabbing the fan. One of them hopped out from the crowed and tried to bribe, threaten, and persuade me from grabbing it. I did it any way and flew out of there free from their grasp as I could hear their dying screams. It was music to my ears to hear the shrieks from hell bound beasts for I knew it meant I was starting to succeed past their evil.

I found myself change shape. I wasn’t Alex anymore, but I was a crane like creature that could use the fan to fly. I knew that I needed to fly out of there to get help while I still could. I could hear encouraging cheers and support from the ones below me. I had to jump from platform to platform in this such bizarre place. It was a set of buildings, old and new, built above a set of small creeks and rivers. It was absolutely beautiful and as soon as I reached the top, I could see beyond the horizon. I was so close to victory knowing I could save so many people and beat these bastards. Unfortunately, that was taken from me too soon when I was gearing to fly off when I heard a scream for help, and that scream asked for me. I jumped down believing I could save them, but as I got down there, I was knocked down and overrun by a few of the black-eyed mutants. They seemed zombie like in appearance and stone cold hearted like a hell frozen over parasite. The sky and everything around me turned red and the screams got louder. I could hear shards of glass and small explosions breaking out. I jumped onto a higher platform to try to get away, but one of the more aggressive ones hopped up and ripped my right hand off, the one that held the fan. The fan’s magical powers stopped working and the banshee could not get it from the hand it held. He tried to bargain with me, and I bluffed it and ran. After that, I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat and consumed by fear.


cooltext231762571452764

(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured media)

Mind Blowing Disorderly Figures: Fuck it All poem

Fear has become the most overrated emotion of all time.

Understanding fear takes more time than it’s worth.

Could it be that there are new emotions that are ready to crawl up our spines to manifest in our brains?

Knowledge is power, right? 

I think maybe it would be worth diving into!

To understand all emotions which link to fear makes things more interesting.

And as always… it’s easier said than done of course.

Lovely…. just lovely.

Lucky for me, I know you can’t hide from me. I’ll figure you out if its the last thing I’ll do!

cooltext235279995878110

(all credit goes to the original owner(s) of featured images)