Thank Christ you have come for me.
Insert the decadent nectar into my skin.
I can’t live within my whole shell, I’m not clean.
I cannot return to my kin.
Forgive me dear doctor for I have committed the worst blessings with no sins.
I’m not sick enough for my dearest master.
Rip open my splintered bones, splice my cells, sync my neurons, split my tissue.
Give me more, give me more, give me more!!!
I need it, I feel it, I crave it, you love it.
They stare at me as I sleep, its hurts so good.
Your hands on my head arouse me so much.
Press harder on my skull please.
Harder… harder… harder…
I can’t die.
I CAN’T DIE!!!!
ASnowpasta Chronicles turns 3 today!!!!
My, my where did the time go?
I never thought that in a million years I would be this dedicated to anything like this in my life.
I have poured so much time and energy into this site and it never gets old.
And yet, the truth is this is only the beginning for this site.
I cannot thank you all enough for the love and support that has made this site a reality.
I’m grateful for everyone who continues to follow me on this wonderful journey called life.
Here’s to three years and many more to come.
Don’t chase after your nightmares; they might chase after you.
I chased the wrong kind of dreams, and now they’re chasing me.
I can’t stop them; they’re inflicting irreversible pain unto me.
They have come for me and I know it.
Their claw marks burn and their bites make me ache.
I drown the dying screams with synthetic happiness.
It’s stitched with fake love and patched with false hope.
The nightmare breeders tear the stitches apart and swallow the patches whole.
Tears can’t cleanse the bloodied rust from the walls.
Don’t be like me.
Chase your dreams, not your nightmares.
Or else your nightmares will chase you.
Hope must exist somewhere.
Because I’m still living.
Last night before bed I decided to spend some time doing some heavy meditation. I spent a little over 30 minutes meditating with binaural beats with music. When I was meditating, I saw and felt something very very magical.
At first I saw myself in the cosmos and I was gently floating into the arms of a goddess like figure, made from the stars and cosmos around us. I could feel myself falling into a deeper state of meditation.
I saw myself standing on the ground right next to a middle-sized tree. I wasn’t in a human form at all. I remember being some kind of animal, a mix between a wolf, a dragon, and something else. I was a light blue color with bright blue eyes. I could see myself running and then taking off from the ground and going up higher and higher into the summit. I could see orbs and smaller energy forms forming around my shoulders and wings as I went through several layers of clouds. They followed me as the ones who were meant to stay on the ground, stayed on the ground. I was tempted to look back, but I didn’t. I was urged to keep going higher.
At one point I heard something say, “This is what happens when you get sick and don’t take care of yourself” I saw myself falling from the sky and then falling into a body of water. I felt tired and alone. I wasn’t able to get back up into the sky. I came back out and wandered along the side of the water, through thick brush and trees, trying to find a place to recuperate. I found a place to lie down for a bit. Then I remember getting up and finding a small waterfall. There was someone there by the waterfall. I don’t quite remember who the person was, but they felt familiar. I also remember at that point being a human again. The waterfall began to glow and then light began to fill everything around us. Life began to bloom and the color was restored within everything around me. The person by me waved at me and then I took off into the skies again.
After awhile all I could see is what appeared to be a valley created by the cosmos. It was filled with dark red and purple dust. I could hear a gentle voice speaking affirmations to me which made me feel at ease. That same voice told me to ignore the ones that spoke poorly about myself, the one filled with negativity that would throw me off. That was the voice that was my ego; the ego that is influenced by anger and fear. After that I woke up feeling relaxed and ready for bed.
Your efforts to coerce me to bloom will be all for naught.
Allow your efforts to wash away in the rains of time.
Never will I reveal my true self to another soul.
Never will I show my face under the starry night sky.
Never will I show my eyes to you.
Never will I shine.
Never will I step into the spotlight for others to see.
Never will I show you who I am.
I exist just how a lotus exists.
The lotus never reveals her secrets to another.
I was not born from searing hatred, nor skin ripping cold.
I am real, I can feel, I exist.
Nonetheless, no one will ever gaze upon the emotions within me.
The spectrum from sadness to joy will remain behind closed lips.
I just am as this just is as just you are.
I remain behind the fan, behind the lenses, behind the door, behind the walls, behind the human I reside in within this lifetime.
Why do we worry so much about having control?
It is not possible to have control over everything, except for ourselves.
And even then at the end of the day, does it even matter?
The less we focus having control over everything, the less we have to worry about, right?
Things happen for a reason.
We may not know that reason, but is really such a bad thing not to know nor to have control over it?
Things always work themselves out in the end.
Stop worrying about the little things; everyday stressors, deadlines, commitments, expectations, time, time, time….
It’s okay, I promise. 😉
Would you smile if you knew that it could save someone’s life?
Would you smile if it could wash away someone’s pain?
Would you smile if it could improve someone’s mood in seconds?
Would you smile if it could change someone’s life?
Would you smile if it brings happiness and joy to your own life?
Would you smile if you knew it would make you feel good?
Would you smile just because you can?
Regardless of the cause, I sure would.