Who Decided That This was a Good Idea: Stay in the Car and Wait for Authorities Pt 2

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A fuzzy vision of me sitting in the passenger seat of the car heading into a tree briefly flashed within my sight and smacked me right back into reality. My whole body sprung upwards like a heavily wound up Jack-In-The-Box. I shot up from the bed I found myself in, drenched in sweat with my heart was pounding outside of my chest. I was greeted by the officers as well as a nurse and a doctor in royal blue scrubs. “Joey! Jen! Nick! Guys! Where am I? GOD!!-” I screamed out at the top of my lungs. Both officers gently shushed me and gestured me to lay back. They caressed me and rubbed my back and shoulders until I calmed down.

“Shhhhh… Michael it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over now. I need you to lay back and relax.” The nurse gently pushed against my chest and gestured me to lay back. Both the young officer and sheriff slowly backed away from me and moved to the front of the bed where I could both see them. 

“Why am I in the hospital? What happened? Where are my friends? Were you able to find them?” I couldn’t control myself. Part of my mind told me to stay calm while the other told me that I needed answers. “What happened to me? Where are my friends? Are they alive? Are they…” the solemn looks from everyone described it all.

“Only one of your friends survived the crash, Joseph I bel-” 

“Joey?? Where is he? Can I see him now??? What happened to the rest of my friends? Where are they??” The impact from my injuries forced me to lay back down. Any movement I made the excruciating pain that much worse.

“They died on impact son. Two of your friends were launched quite a distance away from the car due to the mere force of the accident. Th-” 

“Please… I don’t want to hear any more about it. I…” I completely lost myself within my own tears and cried harder than I have ever cried in my entire life. All I could remember was sitting up in the hospital bed, head between knees. The officers stayed by my side the whole entire time, and I am so grateful that they did. 

A few hours later, my mom and dad came. They burst through the doorway of my room. “Michael! Thank god you’re alright… oh my baby!” I could remember my mom crying out as she held me close to her chest. My Dad held me and my mom close together in a massive bear hug. We held each other for what felt like an eternity. The officers stayed sitting in the chairs right in front of the windows. 

“Mom, Dad I’m sorry I-“

“Shhhhhhh it’s alright. It’s alright. There is nothing for you to be sorry for.” My mom interrupted me as she gently stroked my hair. “We’re all just glad that you’re okay.”

“If there anything we can get for you son?” My Dad said as he gently leaned closer to me. My Dad looked solemn, tired. I’ve never seen my Dad like this before, not even when Grandpa died. His hair was disheveled, his gray eyes were bloodshot, and his skin almost colorless.

“No, I’m okay Dad, thanks though.” I nodded, assuring him I was okay. He walked out the door and joined the officers who were sitting in the cafe, which was thankfully down a couple doors from where I was. 

I was in the hospital for a few weeks before I was allowed to go home. Joey was in critical condition for a few days, then slowly started to decline. He died not too long after. His back was broken in four different places, had a punctured lung, eternal bleeding, and had severe brain injury from the impact of his head ramming into the steering wheel. 

I attended all of my friend’s funerals. Each one was back to back to back. It rained for what seemed to be like an eternity. A small monument in the shape of a heart was engraved into a sheet of bedrock that was put on a hill in the cemetery. Like the rain, our tears dropped endlessly. I dropped out of school and moved back home. I just needed time to recover before I could face reality again. What is reality now? I’m starting to question myself. In fact, I’m starting to question if I ever truly made it out of that accident, or if I’m still alive, stuck in some sort of flux in time or space. 

I think I’m still stuck in this nightmare. I really don’t think this is over. I see my dead friends everywhere I go. They stand around and they just stare at me with empty eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I always see this black thing. It’s kind of like a dog or a rat… Another thing is… I haven’t been able to sleep since the accident. The accident was over four months ago, and I still haven’t slept. That’s not humanly possible. I also can’t feel my toes and feet as I walk, and when I do walk I feel like I’m not entirely touching the ground… what’s going on?

Bad Ending… ?

But wait… there’s more to this… read on…

or 

Start at the very beginning

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Dream Journal: Werewolves and School Lessons in a Cemetery

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Bare with me when I say that this dream is extremely difficult to describe. It’s even more difficult for me to describe how I feel in regards to this oddball dream. There’s nothing more to it than that.

So, the dream starts off with what seems to be entering different locations, almost like entering different dimensions per door I walk through. I go from a hallway which looked like it belonged to a school, very similar in nature to the college I am currently attending, but with a bit more of a white wash with green lockers on the walls. The next room I enter is a highway that goes through a small town which was surrounded with flat farmland. Eventually it led me to a bizarre cemetery.

This is no ordinary cemetery (of course it’s not an ordinary cemetery, when are my dreams anything ordinary?) it existed in a dimension of space and time where it was constantly shifting, changing, morphing, and rotating. I could recall working with the ghosts of children who passed over 200 years ago to help stop the growing of the mound. There were many other human and animal spirits who roamed around the cemetery as well. The mound that was in the middle of the cemetery that began to grow over time. Even the other parts of the cemetery morphed into anything from classrooms, open reception rooms, and the view of the top row of an indoor amphitheater which faced an old-fashioned stage. My goal was to work with the restless spirits to reconnect with their loved ones, move on into the light, and heal so they can rest peacefully. With every soul I helped, the more that the land of the cemetery would heal. Patches of dried earth, decrepid tombstones, and dead greenery were fully restored.

However, the mound turned into a massive wall of broken earth, trees, graves, and human spirits that made the wall glow between the cracks of the broken earth. Soon the land that surrounded the cemetery briefly turned into the streets which were not too far away from my home. The sky was overcast, the sidewalk was lined with perfectly shaped trees, and a variety of small and medium buildings surrounded the area. Everything seemed to be oddly clean. I quickly got into action, jumped upon the mound, and destroyed bit by bit with my bare hands. Some pieces were broken off by the light of my own heart. The restless spirits of the mound screamed at me as their own fort they built was destroyed. When I finished destroying the mound, I stared at them and told them they needed to move on. The spirits began to go to the left which led back into the old country highway.

Suddenly the cemetery morphed into the amphitheater that briefly disappeared during the whole ordeal of smashing the mound. I remember walking back and forth between a classroom filled with blue light from a projector, to a red carpeted hallway were some teens reached out to me for help, which in reality they really didn’t need my help. I reached the amphitheater where I could see an open door which led to a street on the left side of the stage. I got on the stage and was immediately pounced by a werewolf. It wasn’t any ordinary werewolf, it was one of my old teachers. I was frightened, thinking that this creature was going to tear me apart, but in reality the creature licked my face and was affectionate just like any beloved canine would. I felt a flash of warm, pink and red energy cover me as this happened. This happened several times when I was on the stage. The creature would pounce onto me and others would try to stop the werewolf. The werewolf tried to attack other people and I tried to stop him. But then I found myself turning into a werewolf. I felt free from the things that held me back. All of my problems seemed to have vanished. I howled and ran after the werewolf whom presumed to be one of my teachers.

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Dream Journal: Suicide or Escape

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This is the third time that I have had this dream now, and this time I can fully recall all of the details of this dream. Within the span of about 3-4 months I have had this same exact dream, with the exception of certain aspects of the dream emphasized per dream occurrence. Everything about this dream felt so trippy and unreal, and yet at the same time crystal clear. I must have been in some sort of trance in the dream, if that’s even possible.

Here are a couple interesting things about this dream: Three places were heavily focused on in the dream (which I will describe shortly), but why 3 specific places? Also, a few of the same people from work have showed up in this dream just like how they have before. For example, Ty has shown up in not just one dream, but in several dreams such as the Pyramid Dream and Vulnerabilities and Tattoos Dream.

On with the dream! I found myself in my hometown, specifically at my parents house. Ty and another coworker was patrolling the neighborhood which, oddly he did so for my safety. It was late and the only thing that illuminated the streets were the orange glow of street lamps and a couple lights that were on in front of my parent’s house. It also was made apparent that there was a random Target down the street. LITERALLY in the middle of the street too. Ty came by on my street specifically and my parents and I waved hello. He stopped by to see if everything was okay and if we needed anything. My mom harshly stopped Ty in his tracks to complain about the poor treatment of raccoons and other animals that lived our neighborhood. Ty pulled me aside and in almost a whisper, asked me what that was about. I had absolutely no idea! My mom then chimed in and said a very snarky, nasty comment about work that I could not hear, but made apparent to Ty that I did something I wasn’t supposed to, which I wasn’t sure what I did, in fact. The lights of the house and the street lamps began to move and change color. I overheard another co-worker coming and then something about my job possibly being on the line.

My head was a major mess. I kept thinking about work, home, school, family life, and past trauma and problems that suddenly were brought forward by this statement. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to be out of the spotlight, alone. I felt the eyes of my parents on me and a few others as other people could be heard in the distance. I bodly said to Ty that I wished to die, I wished for suicide. I began to cry and I ran off where others could not see me. I could magically manifest wings that could help me fly into the trees or bushes to hide as well as to fly off to places where I could be seen. I could hear Ty and others scrambling around as I would take off from hiding spot to hiding spot in the middle of the night. I cried what felt like for an eternity fleeing down the road past my old high school and making a left upon this path which was partially covered by a rainforest. I went through the tunnel of trees that led to the most beautiful place I have ever seen. A massive waterfall took half of my view from the left side and the right side had a row of Tikis, statues, and precious stones. a path weaved between the trees and past the row of hills. I felt magic all around me, orbs and magical beings surrounded me. Some of them wore tribal paint and wooden masks while others just like everyday people like you or me. The wildlife resembled dragon-like beings, maybe even faeries, I couldn’t keep track of them all. I just knew that they knew me and I knew them. I was given the task to straighten around some of the tikis and precious stones not just on the hills, but on the platforms that sat in front of the waterfall which I had to use some sort of telekinetic abilities to move things around. When everything was perfectly aligned, with one thump on one of the many objects let off an echo of a thousand notes. I myself and all of the beings sung and it was so beautiful. I began to ascend the mountain tops in front of me when my dad appeared.

Everything around me hid and I had to go back from where I came. I was in front of the highschool and my dad directed part of the path to be covered in cement. I felt angered by this, but realized I knew how to get in there regardless of the cement. I was gifted, I thought. Suddenly, a weird being came by and caught my dad off guard, forcing him to leave me and tend to something else. I look up the hill that sits right at the high school and envision a massive pileup created by a number of clueless high school students. It happened right in front of my eyes before I could stop it. Bodies landed on top of one another and got stuck between car parts. There was screams as blood and gore was shed, but that soon disappeared into dust which then manifested itself into the form of ghosts that began to enter an odd shaped building within the gym. A haunted building for that matter, I just knew it was. Not just haunted, but there was malevolent energy in that dammed square shaped building. I knew that I had to go back and take care of something around my parent’s neighborhood.

I appeared back into the neighborhood and saw that people scrambled around in the streets looking for me. Ty yelled out for me and apologized for what he had said and that my job was safe. Another coworker confirmed that as well, and they both said they needed to know that I was going to be okay. Ty wanted me to come back with him so he could keep me safe. They begged and pleaded for me to come back over and over again. I didn’t care and thought to myself that this was something I needed to do. I soon headed north from my old neighborhood and went deep into a wooded bridge covered in snow. I could her Ty and my coworkers yelling “Wait!” and “Alex! Come back!”. I knew that they would eventually find my path and follow me. I felt comfortable knowing what I was doing despite the cold. In a vision I could see a line of zombies walking down a path going the opposite direction of the highschool. The got up from the ground and went towards a dysmal place where as I got closer to the light.

So… uh… strange dream, right?

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Confession 9: 5 reasons why I love rain

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“I think it’s a commonality for the sound of rain to soothe others to sleep peacefully. Well, I’m one of those kinds of people that will pass out listening to the sound of the rain tapping against my windows. Even gentle (as well as not so gentle) thunderstorms are music to my ears.

However, I also have another confession: I see rain in a positive light while others might not. Here are a few other ways I view rain: 1. I view rain as getting a free car wash! 2. It gives nature nourishment and love. Sunlight it always a good thing, but without the rain, there would be absolutely nothing except for dust and decay… 3. It washes away the gunk that causes allergies. 4. I’d rather have it rain and have temperatures drop compared to having a blazing hot summer’s day. Despite the fact that I grew up in a place where the weather is generally warm and sunny (Southern Cali), I still really cannot handle heat and humidity all that much. 5. I view it to be a spiritual cleansing as well as a physical one. Can you envision each drop of rain literally washing away the dust and grime that negativity has left behind? Can you envision fresh rain cleansing you of your pain, stress, and negativity that wears you down on a day to day basis? Food for thought!”

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Hey! You can now find me on Patreon and Paypal! Any support and love you can give will go a long way. Thank you so much for helping me along my journey.

Weekly Funnies- Fun Facts about Swearing

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Believe it or not, swearing isn’t always such a bad thing! In fact, there’s some fun facts that we can learn from swearing.

  1. In all seriousness, I prefer to use explicit language and profanity over using euphemisms to sugar coat reality. What is it that you would prefer to do?

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2. If you were to stub your toe, what would you prefer to yell out in pain: “Fish!” or “Fuck!”? What about if you slam one of your fingers closing a door on accident: “Fudge!” or “Fuck!”? In my personal experience, I feel better swearing when in pain rather than to ‘fudge’ it. What do you think?

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Now lastly, here’s one of the real reasons why I made this post today. This is the biggest, most important fact about swearing that makes the act of swearing itself much more innocent and docile:

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Swearing might be such a bad thing after all! What do you think?

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Hey! I am now on Patreon and Paypal! Any extra support and love that you can give will always be appreciated, thank you very much.

Dream Journal- Gentle Breeze in a Small Autumn Town

A few nights ago I had a very subtle, yet heavily detailed dream. I somehow managed to find myself in the hometown of one of my dearest friend. I found myself in the front of a fast food restaurant, possibly a Burger King, McDonald’s, In N Out, or something like that. It sat in its own lot which sat in the middle of what appeared to be a town square. I honestly do not know how I quite got there. I had visions of being transported there and yet, at the same time I had visions of being dropped off by someone who drove me over to this fast food joint. My dear friend who wore a black hoodie and jeans came up to me, welcoming me with open arms. They seemed pretty calm and laid back, ignoring the fact that I had absolutely no idea how I got here.

He urged us to go for a walk around town so he could show me around. We held casual conversations as he showed me around. The town seemed old time with buildings built closely next to one another. The paint and wood on some of the buildings chipped and wore away while others looked brand new and refurbished. There was Halloween decorations hanging on the edges of the roofs of all the buildings. Paper pumpkins, orange and black streamers, plastic bat and ghost decor, pumpkins and gourds lining the front end, etc. The breeze pulled off part of the streamers and one of the paper pumpkins. I tried to run after it to catch it, but it flew off into the gently faded blue skies. One of the town-folk told me not to worry about it and to let it fly away. 

Soon my friend and I started to get into an older, disheveled part of town. We walked by a small brick church with a cemetery sitting on the right side of it. I felt very unsettled about this area. Neighborhoods and streets stretched endlessly and it was a little bit more noisy here than any other part of town. The cemetery had tombstones nearly stacked on one another with tall grass and weeds entwined around the tombstones and semi-barb wired fence. I felt even more unsettled when I saw three teenagers running out the church and through the cemetery. I large man with an Italian accent stood on the steps of the church and screamed at the teens. He looked at us and started to walk towards us with aggression. My friend managed to convince him that we didn’t do anything wrong and I stood back. The large man said that it was okay for us to stay for a little bit, but not for too long. All three of us stuck around in the cemetery and the large man shared old urban legends and ghost stories that surrounded the town and this cemetery. I felt on edge and the tombstones started to glow. I could see non-corporal human-like beings starting to surround us. I really didn’t like it, but the large man and my friend embraced it more than anything else. I said I was going to leave, but then my friend followed me, then suddenly things went back to normal. I woke up feeling quite intrigued. 

This was quite a strange dream, does it mean anything to you? Have you had any dreams similar in nature as to this one?

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P.S. Hey! You can now find me on Patreon AND I have a Paypal. Any kind of help and support that you can give will always be appreciated. Thank you so much for your love and support!

Confession #5: Fear of Death Complex

23df25064d0585f9129d3b5a86d11f05 “Let me start off by saying that I do not fear PHYSICAL death; the flatline, the last breath, the last heartbeat, the last moment of life only to be ended so suddenly like the flame from a candle blown out. I must emphasize that I don’t fear dying as well. 

What impacts this is my own personal truths about the aspect of physical death. I must note that horror has never really made a difference with the fear of life or death in my eyes, surprisingly. I’ve never been one of religion, really. I am know my stuff when it comes to religion and belief systems, and I’m very open-minded. I’m spiritual and open minded, not religious. However, I will NOT do anything to shove my own beliefs into one’s throat just because it might differ from my own. That’s pure ignorance. Do I believe in God? Yes, I do. But I am also a believer of things such as Reincarnation, Awakening and Ascension, Angels and Ascended Masters, having a divine life purpose, Universal Consciousness, LOA (Law of Attraction), Karma, and lastly, everything happens for a reason. I also believe that there is malevolent energy out there… parasites, voids of energy that take on our own fears, and just plain negative energy. 

What I fear is the darkness the outward manifestations that surrounds the concept of death. Whether it be physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual, there are some factors about it that scare me so. I cannot explain why, but sometimes the darkness from death manifests itself outwardly.

For example, there have been times in my life where I can smell this ungodly stench b5693754f9477e28acab5720b23b71a4--cousins-tattoo-ideaswhenever someone has passed away, be it a loved one or someone close. Sometimes it smells like moist, sticky, foul, rotting soil beneath the undergrowth of trees or greenery from above. I have never been to a cemetery, nor a funeral home, nor any place that has involved death. The times that I have smelled this foul odor is when I was about 8 years old and then again at the age of 13. As I’ve gotten older, when the time of death has come, the smell has only gotten worse. I’ve seen the smell manifest in ways unrelated to physical death, but more along the lines of death/ending of a chapter in my life be it an aspect of a relationship with someone. Thankfully it has been a while since I have picked up on the smell. The best way I can describe the smell now is death and decay, it’s indescribable. The good news is, the smell doesn’t come often. Lastly, I must add that I have smelled foul odors in locations where death is prominent (i.e. a place where someone has died in the past). 

Another thing I fear is the nightmares. I have PTSD and am prone to having nightmares from time to time, but sometimes other factors affects the nightmares such as death. I’ve had countless nightmares about death. They vary between myself, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my dog Zuzu, and other people I hold dear in my life. It’s never subtle either. When I see death of others in my dreams often violent, gruesome, unforgiving, intense, and horrifying. And nightmares where I do not see people die, I’m given the imagery from what I can describe as an abstract version of death. 

Lastly, it’s the sickness that I see in others, or even just the concept of sickness makes me cringe. I watched my mom battle cancer for seven years. She’s had breast cancer twice, colon cancer, then lastly, lung cancer. She’s had chemo, radiation, and several surgeries over the past few years. I remember as a teenager I watched how ill she was, and I could feel death hanging around us. It was the worst feeling in the world; not being able to do a single thing about this. I always felt this heavy weight on my shoulders and my chest, back, legs, every fiber of my being felt pinned down by death’s presence. Besides my mom, I have seen many individuals struggle with cancer, addictions, and many other health conditions. (Not to worry, my mom is A-okay now! My mom has been tested this year and has been declared cancer free has a clean bill of health!!!)

In the end, I always strive for life, rebirth, and new beginnings, but I also honor and accept that there is a balance of life and death.

However, without a doubt there is nothing more horrifying that being stuck between your fears and the time flux of death and decay, regardless of its appearance.”

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