Weekly Funnies- Too Funny For Halloween

Pumpkin

For those who don’t enjoy Halloween or the terror behind it all, here’s something that I know will make your Halloween! Not everything needs to be ‘spoopy’ or scary this time of year. There’s always room for a laugh or two, oh and maybe a D’awwww or two.

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Oh god… not the spiders, NOT THE SPIDERS!!!!

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I’m the pumpkin man! I’m not made of snow, but I’m still just as cute! 

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New year, new cut, new style.

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Don’t text and ‘fly’ god dammit!

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I’m soooooooo KAWAII!!!! Love me! Love me!

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I don’t know how to break this to you but… you don’t have a green thumb…. sorry.

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Awww shucks, he just wants a kiss! 

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Wait, what?

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The bar of chocolate a day keeps the Grim Reaper away!

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Hey! Don’t judge me.

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Smooth and classy. =3

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Most unique support group ever… ’nuff said.


I hope that bringing on the funnies brightened your day! Happy Halloween everyone!

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Falling Gravestones

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First and foremost, I am fake being of existance.

Also, I never truly was alive.

Life is just one big joke.

Life is something that never had existed, and probably never will.

I’ve been dead for so long, I forgot what it means to be alive.

Nothing reminds me of the so called life I once lived.

Go ask the ghosts who roam this field, they can’t remember either.

Ghosts around these parts say that these graves fall for those who have been dead for over a century.

Realistically, I suppose that would be true, except for one small thing….

And my reasoning to this matter is that doesn’t count the marauders who steal, tag, play games, or hold rituals around our graves.

Very few and between have come out of this boneyard alive.

Everyone who comes in will never, ever come out.

See, I know because that is what happened to me when I visited my dead daughter long, long ago…

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M1sSss,.., @nThR0p3.exe

85718bf70bd1fee6ff39805945bd8224--quotes-on-death-dark-fairytaleI don’t have a name. I don’t have a face. I don’t have an identity. I don’t have anything. I’m not anything. Don’t patronise me with your questions, I’m not a fool.

I’m often refered as ‘It’, ‘The Thing’, ‘silhouette’, ‘Shadow being’, ‘Misanthrope’. It doesn’t matter to me. They all mean the same thing.

I exist for one reason, one reason with which I’ve never truly had a single grasp of. No… I don’t believe I’ll have any grasp of it any time soon. It doesn’t really matter to me. Nothing really matters to me.

Nonetheless, here I am. I do not harm others, nor do I help them. I truly don’t desire much of anything anymore. I have no emotions, no desires, no intentions… I am just here. I just am. We just are. This just is… Nothing more, nothing less.

I do not wish to find my soul purpose, nor do I wish to find ‘who’ or ‘what’ I truly am. I’m not dead, nor am I alive. The darkness is my life. It always has been, and always will be. I have no desire for anything other than to exist amongst the shadows. The shadows are not a safe place for you to be in. So please, don’t join me or keep me company. I wish not to be disturbed by any means, and neither do the others who reside with me. 

I might be indifferent when it comes to any interaction. However, the other beings who exist in the shadows have a completely different way of ‘handling’ any kind of interaction. They are not to be toyed with. 

Also, Just as a warning… (like it really matters) I am a being of the human race (unfortunately)… don’t mistake me for the ones who lurk around in the shadows… in your home, in your bed, around you, behind you… they are not human and you cannot be saved now… toy with them, and you will end up like me. If you end up like me, then you will no longer have a heartbeat. 

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These Halls

nFKjLkO “Aw mom! Do we really have to go to bed?” the small innocent voice of my daughter whined. Even at 5 years of age she loved to stay up late.

“Can you tell us just one more ghost story? Halloween is tomorrow!” older brother, age 10 chimed in. 

“Haven’t you two heard enough scary stories tonight?” I said in a playful, yet somewhat serious tone. “I don’t want you to have nightmares tonight.”

“But mom, we love your stories.” youngin’ from the middle, age 8 spoke up. “Your stories are the best stories in the whole entire world!” 

All three chimed in and said,”Pleeeeaaasssseeee???” Goodness gracious… it was hard for me to say no. I love my children to death, and I would do anything for them.

“Okay, how about I make a deal with you guys. Since tomorrow is Halloween, after you are done with trick or treating and carving pumpkins, how about we have a special scary story night?”

The eldest tilted his head and asked,”Special scary story night?” 

“Yes! I have one whopper of a story to share, and the best part is, it’s a TRUE story!”

All jaws dropped, followed with Ooos and Ahhs. “Really mom?? A TRUE story??” my littlest one asked.

“YUP! That’s right. It’s my scariest story yet. We can make popcorn, bake pumpkin seeds, eat trick or treat candy, and get set up in the living room! And… we can stay up as late.”

“Later than 8?” Middle child asked.

“Yes, later than 8 and later than 9.” As soon as I said that, they all started to giggle and jump up and down on the bed in me and my husband’s room. It looks like the staying up late part did the trick. I rarely ever let my kids stay up, nor do I let them sleep in unless if it’s on the weekends; even then its no later than 9 am.

“Ok, ok, alright guys. But, here’s the catch. If you go to bed asap, then we will make this a priority! Do we have a deal?” I stuck my hand out in a handshake gesture.

They hesitated at first, but then all three of them grabbed my hand at once and shook it as hard as their little arms could. “Deal!” 

“Group hug!!” All of us squished together in one big group hug. Dad comes waltzing in and taps the open bedroom door lightly. “Hey Daddy! Wanna join the group hug?” 

“Hey why not! Grrrrraaawwwrrrrrggggg!!” We plopped onto the bed and joined in on the hug. We were a very tight knit family, and my husband, John was a wonderful husband and an even better Dad. “Alright guys, you heard Mom, time for bed.”

“Okkkaaayyyy.” They all chimed in once again and ran back to their colorfully lit rooms. “Good night Mom! Good night Dad!” and just like that, lights were out, and they were out. 

“Ahh so I take it you could hear my latest proposition I made to them.” John crawled towards me, sat right next to me, kissed me, and put his arm around me. 

“Indeed I did.” I kissed his cheek as we cuddled with one another. “You weren’t going to tell the kids about THAT story, were you?” John’s serious tone concerned me just a bit.

“Yes, I was. I think it’s time that they knew.” I looked up at John, giving him an assuring look. I felt a knot developing in the pit of my stomach. 

“I’m not sure if it’s the best idea, but if it feels right to you honey, then go ahead and tell them.” John kissed me on the forehead. “How deep into detail are you going to go?”

“Not too much detail. Just the ‘juicy’ stuff I suppose. Like for example, how I got some of the scars on my face and hands.” I smiled. John laughed at this response. “I promise that it won’t go any farther than that.”

“Okay honey. I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with this.” 

“I am! What could possibly go wrong by telling the kids a good ghost story from the past?” As soon as I said that, the knot in my stomach continued to grow tighter. I felt a sense of regret and terror trickling up my spine. They need to know the truth eventually. I can save the more gruesome details for another time… yes, perhaps when they are older… tomorrow is going to be interesting.

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The Grove pt. ……

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June 16th 2016- ….

I hear and see the same things every day. Dark gray sky. Gray lake next to a large gray window. Everything is black, white, and gray. I have become permanently colorblind. 

I’m all alone here. I hate this place. I want to go home.

I miss my husband. I miss my family. They tell me that I don’t have a family. The white coats tell me that my family died a long time ago. The white coats tell me that I never had a husband. They tell me that I never went to college, never graduated from high school, never left home. 

They do terrible things to me. They told me that I killed my family. They tell me that I’m evil. They tell me I have killed more than 10 people. They keep me seated at all times, sometimes strapped down. They give me tasteless food…. I fall asleep every time I eat. I’m given three shots a day, loads of pills everyday… I’ve lost track of how many. Sometimes they hit me or force me to sit down in a corner on the floor if I don’t do exactly what they say. Sometimes they strap me down for hours and have me watch weird videos or listen to weird things… screaming and the sound of nails on metal…

scrape. scrape. scrape. shriek…. more scraping… shreik… T-they aren’t human.

They scare me. Their eyes glow unnaturally. They are pale and have long, black stringy hair. They all look the same to me. They aren’t human. They aren’t huummmmm-…..

I’m going to die here alone. I can’t tt-akke it. I…. ne.. ed to fin… a. way… out- (the rest is intelligible scribbles)

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Game Over

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I’M DEAD! I’M DEAD! I was in over my head!

I’ve been stuck in space, stuck in a game, stuck in my mind.

I had to fight for a lonely piece of bread.

I had to find against my own kind.

I lost my friends, my friends to this stupid, stupid game.

It was going to be fun, they said.

I don’t even remember why we did it; it was just oh so lame.

Instead of living, we died instead.

Space is definitely not an open place.

I know this for sure.

We told each other it wasn’t competitive and to go at our own pace.

But when someone decided to involve food in the game, it became too painful to endure.

We’re dead, we’re dead. We were over our own heads. 

We were separated somehow, I don’t know when. Why can’t we be all together when we’re dead?

Now we roam space looking for company and bread.

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Creepy tongue twisters~ Can you say them 5 times fast?

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October is here! Finally! Why not kick off the month with some creepy tongue twisters. Can you say them 5 times fast? Perhaps maybe even more than 5 times faster? Go on! Give it a try! 

  1.  Creepy cannibals consume raw meat. 
  2.  Creepy creaky caskets creak open before dawn. 
  3.  Creepy undead cannibals carelessly crawl the streets at night.
  4.  Creepy clowns cruelly torture their victims.
  5.  Creepy callous spirits take form to creep people out.
  6.  Creepy crawly coarse monsters claw away at their victim’s corpses.
  7.  Creepy vampirous civilians only come out at night to play.
  8.  Creepy creatures consume skin from clueless victims. 

Did you enjoy these? Feel free to give them a try or challenge your friends with these silly creepy tongue twisters. Also feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions! 

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