Weekly Funnies- Too Funny For Halloween

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For those who don’t enjoy Halloween or the terror behind it all, here’s something that I know will make your Halloween! Not everything needs to be ‘spoopy’ or scary this time of year. There’s always room for a laugh or two, oh and maybe a D’awwww or two.

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Oh god… not the spiders, NOT THE SPIDERS!!!!

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I’m the pumpkin man! I’m not made of snow, but I’m still just as cute! 

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New year, new cut, new style.

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Don’t text and ‘fly’ god dammit!

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I’m soooooooo KAWAII!!!! Love me! Love me!

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I don’t know how to break this to you but… you don’t have a green thumb…. sorry.

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Awww shucks, he just wants a kiss! 

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Wait, what?

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The bar of chocolate a day keeps the Grim Reaper away!

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Hey! Don’t judge me.

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Smooth and classy. =3

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Most unique support group ever… ’nuff said.


I hope that bringing on the funnies brightened your day! Happy Halloween everyone!

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Falling Gravestones

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First and foremost, I am fake being of existance.

Also, I never truly was alive.

Life is just one big joke.

Life is something that never had existed, and probably never will.

I’ve been dead for so long, I forgot what it means to be alive.

Nothing reminds me of the so called life I once lived.

Go ask the ghosts who roam this field, they can’t remember either.

Ghosts around these parts say that these graves fall for those who have been dead for over a century.

Realistically, I suppose that would be true, except for one small thing….

And my reasoning to this matter is that doesn’t count the marauders who steal, tag, play games, or hold rituals around our graves.

Very few and between have come out of this boneyard alive.

Everyone who comes in will never, ever come out.

See, I know because that is what happened to me when I visited my dead daughter long, long ago…

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M1sSss,.., @nThR0p3.exe

85718bf70bd1fee6ff39805945bd8224--quotes-on-death-dark-fairytaleI don’t have a name. I don’t have a face. I don’t have an identity. I don’t have anything. I’m not anything. Don’t patronise me with your questions, I’m not a fool.

I’m often refered as ‘It’, ‘The Thing’, ‘silhouette’, ‘Shadow being’, ‘Misanthrope’. It doesn’t matter to me. They all mean the same thing.

I exist for one reason, one reason with which I’ve never truly had a single grasp of. No… I don’t believe I’ll have any grasp of it any time soon. It doesn’t really matter to me. Nothing really matters to me.

Nonetheless, here I am. I do not harm others, nor do I help them. I truly don’t desire much of anything anymore. I have no emotions, no desires, no intentions… I am just here. I just am. We just are. This just is… Nothing more, nothing less.

I do not wish to find my soul purpose, nor do I wish to find ‘who’ or ‘what’ I truly am. I’m not dead, nor am I alive. The darkness is my life. It always has been, and always will be. I have no desire for anything other than to exist amongst the shadows. The shadows are not a safe place for you to be in. So please, don’t join me or keep me company. I wish not to be disturbed by any means, and neither do the others who reside with me. 

I might be indifferent when it comes to any interaction. However, the other beings who exist in the shadows have a completely different way of ‘handling’ any kind of interaction. They are not to be toyed with. 

Also, Just as a warning… (like it really matters) I am a being of the human race (unfortunately)… don’t mistake me for the ones who lurk around in the shadows… in your home, in your bed, around you, behind you… they are not human and you cannot be saved now… toy with them, and you will end up like me. If you end up like me, then you will no longer have a heartbeat. 

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These Halls

nFKjLkO “Aw mom! Do we really have to go to bed?” the small innocent voice of my daughter whined. Even at 5 years of age she loved to stay up late.

“Can you tell us just one more ghost story? Halloween is tomorrow!” older brother, age 10 chimed in. 

“Haven’t you two heard enough scary stories tonight?” I said in a playful, yet somewhat serious tone. “I don’t want you to have nightmares tonight.”

“But mom, we love your stories.” youngin’ from the middle, age 8 spoke up. “Your stories are the best stories in the whole entire world!” 

All three chimed in and said,”Pleeeeaaasssseeee???” Goodness gracious… it was hard for me to say no. I love my children to death, and I would do anything for them.

“Okay, how about I make a deal with you guys. Since tomorrow is Halloween, after you are done with trick or treating and carving pumpkins, how about we have a special scary story night?”

The eldest tilted his head and asked,”Special scary story night?” 

“Yes! I have one whopper of a story to share, and the best part is, it’s a TRUE story!”

All jaws dropped, followed with Ooos and Ahhs. “Really mom?? A TRUE story??” my littlest one asked.

“YUP! That’s right. It’s my scariest story yet. We can make popcorn, bake pumpkin seeds, eat trick or treat candy, and get set up in the living room! And… we can stay up as late.”

“Later than 8?” Middle child asked.

“Yes, later than 8 and later than 9.” As soon as I said that, they all started to giggle and jump up and down on the bed in me and my husband’s room. It looks like the staying up late part did the trick. I rarely ever let my kids stay up, nor do I let them sleep in unless if it’s on the weekends; even then its no later than 9 am.

“Ok, ok, alright guys. But, here’s the catch. If you go to bed asap, then we will make this a priority! Do we have a deal?” I stuck my hand out in a handshake gesture.

They hesitated at first, but then all three of them grabbed my hand at once and shook it as hard as their little arms could. “Deal!” 

“Group hug!!” All of us squished together in one big group hug. Dad comes waltzing in and taps the open bedroom door lightly. “Hey Daddy! Wanna join the group hug?” 

“Hey why not! Grrrrraaawwwrrrrrggggg!!” We plopped onto the bed and joined in on the hug. We were a very tight knit family, and my husband, John was a wonderful husband and an even better Dad. “Alright guys, you heard Mom, time for bed.”

“Okkkaaayyyy.” They all chimed in once again and ran back to their colorfully lit rooms. “Good night Mom! Good night Dad!” and just like that, lights were out, and they were out. 

“Ahh so I take it you could hear my latest proposition I made to them.” John crawled towards me, sat right next to me, kissed me, and put his arm around me. 

“Indeed I did.” I kissed his cheek as we cuddled with one another. “You weren’t going to tell the kids about THAT story, were you?” John’s serious tone concerned me just a bit.

“Yes, I was. I think it’s time that they knew.” I looked up at John, giving him an assuring look. I felt a knot developing in the pit of my stomach. 

“I’m not sure if it’s the best idea, but if it feels right to you honey, then go ahead and tell them.” John kissed me on the forehead. “How deep into detail are you going to go?”

“Not too much detail. Just the ‘juicy’ stuff I suppose. Like for example, how I got some of the scars on my face and hands.” I smiled. John laughed at this response. “I promise that it won’t go any farther than that.”

“Okay honey. I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with this.” 

“I am! What could possibly go wrong by telling the kids a good ghost story from the past?” As soon as I said that, the knot in my stomach continued to grow tighter. I felt a sense of regret and terror trickling up my spine. They need to know the truth eventually. I can save the more gruesome details for another time… yes, perhaps when they are older… tomorrow is going to be interesting.

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Weekly Funnies- Fall Fashionistas!!!

30475fabbf2bb24bc7daff3dfccce061         Ahhhh, can you feel it? The gentle autumn breeze that has that cold crispness that you can feel in your nostrils and lungs. Fresh, rejuvenated, free… How about the sweet smell of Pumpkin spice, apple cinnamon, or perhaps fresh pine? Can you see the cute fall apparel lining the shelves that will bring on the warm fuzzies? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Autumn is here! Sooner or later, it’s going to be Winter!

Whoa, hold on there! We shouldn’t skip ahead just yet. Let’s just stay in the here and in the now, where all of the other looney fall lovers are! Anyway… here are a few looneys who stick out from the crowd!

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Oh my… nothing is getting in the way of this pumpkin prince, I errr mean bad-ass warrior.

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Well it looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the leaf pile! XD

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Ohhhh come now! Autumn is NOT that bad… is it?

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Pedal to the metal baby! Woo!

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This is exactly how I felt as soon as the summer solstice came. >.<

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 Very punny autumn kitteh. XD

I hope you all have a wonderful pumpkin spice filled day!

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Weekly Funnies- You Had One Job! Part 2

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Yayyyyy more silly fails!!! Bring on the fails! Woot woot! Hell to the yeah! =D Alright, seriously enough of that mumbo jumbo. Lets get to it.

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Ohhh so THIS is what dogs REALLY look like! phenomenal!

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I’ll take 10 fuckering lights please!

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What is this fucketry? Did someone Teepee the road???

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Someone takes things far too literally.

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I have been deceived… sad face. =(

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Oh my god its going to take me FOREVER to climb these stairs!

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Uhhhh are you sure about that one?

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God dangit Jeremy! You had one job!

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Wait, what?

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What in the actual hell is this???? My OCD moniter is through the roof!

Alright, that’s enough fails for now. Ugh, I need to take a break from humanity…. a nice long break.

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Heya, I hope you enjoyed this post. If you like You Had One Job Fails, there’s a lot more where that came from on You Had One Job or @_youhadonejob1 via Twitter!

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Weekly funnies- You Had One Job!

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We all make mistakes right? Well… these featured mistakes take fails to the next level. The question you have to ask yourself is, “How the hell do people manage?” Well, lets take a look at some of their magnificent masterpieces.

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If you add the letter ‘S’ to the mix it will become the ‘FRIES’ lane.

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What in the world??? Who formatted this???

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Whoever done this is a purely evil person.

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Wrong species Bub.

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I’m not entirely sure how someone could mess this up.

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Now, how do I go about doing that?

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It doesn’t seem like you’ll get very far with this right turn.

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Laziness level: expert. It still does the trick, right?

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I think someone needs to take some geography classes.

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Don’t tell me what to do! Gosh!

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One letter can make such a big difference.

Alrighty ladies, germs, and everything inbetween, I hope you all got a kick from some pretty gnarly fails. I sure did. =)

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