Sunday morning rolled along and Jeff still hasn’t made a decision on what to do in regards to Jack. I’m really starting to worry about his state of mind. He didn’t talk to anyone on Sunday, nor did he for the past week. If we asked him questions, he’d just nod or shake his head.
On Tuesday he finally decided to have Jack buried in the local Pet Cemetery which was a couple miles away from the Vet. Eternal Rest Pet Cemetery. It wasn’t very big compared to a regular cemetery, at least not that I could tell. I used to drive by it going to work or school, but now because of everything that happened, I take another route to work and school. We went with Jeff to be with him when they were to bury Jack. I never realised that there was such a thing as this, but with enough money I guess you can pull anything off. Jeff’s parents covered the expenses of the dog’s funeral, or whatever you call it. When Jack’s coffin was lowered into the ground, Jeff fell to his knees and had a massive breakdown. He tried to get into the hole where the coffin was being lowered into, but Danielle and I pulled him up to his knees and eventually his feet. I have absolutely no idea what his intentions were, but damn it was scary. It frightened me to see one of my best friends go completely ballistic to the point of no return.
It’s currently Tuesday and he still hasn’t talked to anyone, not even Danielle. You know, for years Danielle and Jeff had feelings for one another, but were always afraid of expressing them to each other. How do I know this you might ask, well Danielle and Jeff spent quite a bit of time talking to me about both of their troubles as well as their romantic fantasies. They have almost kissed a couple of times, but were always too afraid of ruining what they had as friends. The thing is, no matter how hard things got for Jeff, he would always go to Danielle. However, Jeff has not confided in Danielle like how he normally would. She remained as patient as she could, but it devoured her from the inside. She felt so helpless and to be honest, I did too.
This morning, Wednesday morning, I woke up to a zombie-like Jeff walking through the house aimlessly. He shuffled in circles and seemed stiff as a board. His dark eyes were lifeless, his skin was white paper pale, and his suave black hair was disheveled. He was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Suit, tie, and dress pants. He looked like someone who was either extremely high or is just waking up from a bad hangover. He passed by me in the kitchen and I saw he had three fresh cuts on his neck. I grabbed him by his left wrist and stopped him in his tracks.
“Hey! Jeff! What the hell did you do to your neck??”
I took a closer look on his neck, then his left hand that I was hanging onto for dear life. I saw dried blood on the cuff of his sleeve. I pulled up his sleeve and saw dozens and dozens of cuts up and down his left arm. They were still fresh cuts with blood trickling down from his arm to the floor. I looked at him in shock and felt my heart sink and shatter to pieces. Eyes started to well up in my eyes.
“I need help Alex.” He looked at me with his empty eyes. “I want to die and be buried to my dog. I want to die and be buried with all of my loved ones who died from the fire on that Christmas morning. I just want to die. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to burden Danielle and y-” Jeff’s eyes started to roll into the back of his head and I grabbed him before he fell onto the dark wooded floor. Jeff is about 5 inches taller than me and weighs more than I do, but I still managed to hold him up with the best of my ability.
“No, no, no, no, no! Jeff, stay with me.” I patted his face constantly until he jolted out of it. “You’re not going to die! You’re not going to die! We’re going to get you some help Jeff.” I sat Jeff down on the couch and I immediately pulled my phone out and called 911. Jeff was taken to the Crestlake Hospital which was about 30 minutes from our house. His parents were called and they came to the hospital within a few hours. Jeff was admitted to the hospital (which in all actuality kind of looked like a hotel).
I finally have some good news; something that has helped take the edge off. I didn’t want to mention this so soon because of what happened today, but I really thought that maybe bringing some positivity to this site just might help. Anyway, I asked a girl from one of my classes out on Monday and she said yes! She and I really hit it off on the first day of our Sociology 110 class. We study together, text each other non-stop, and now I just finally gathered up enough courage to finally ask her out. We’re going to go to the cafe that’s not too far away from my house this Friday. Neither one of us have to work then which was awesome. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world! It has been forever since I have been with anyone.
And also more good news, from what I heard from Danielle, Jeff and Danielle are FINALLY together. Thank fucking god! Danielle didn’t give me a whole lot of details, but from what she told me, Danielle sat on his hospital bed, cried and told Jeff how much she meant to him, including how she felt. Jeff finally broke his silence about how he felt and made a promise not to ever do what he did again. About 10 minutes later, the nurse and Jeff’s parents came in and found both of them making out, laying on top of one another. She said believe it or not, his parents seemed relieved to see those two together. Unfortunately it was late and past visiting hours so Danielle had to leave and come back home.
When she came home I gave Danielle a big hug and congratulated her. She seemed absolutely exhausted. Her brown hair was disheveled, her blue eyes barely sayed open, and she was almost out of breath.
“Thank you so much for your help Alex. You’re a true hero for saving Jeff’s life. I think Jeff is in a better state of mind now. At least from what I can tell from what happened earlier.” Danielle gave an awkward laugh. “I think I’m going to go to bed now. I know its only 9:00, but I’m so ready to pass out.”
“I’m going to bed too Dani, no worries. Today was just pure chaos and insanity.” I gave out a small sigh.
“Right.” with that we were both off to bed.
It’s currently 3:00 am and I can’t sleep. My mind is just all over the place. I really hope to god that those two being together will help Jeff get through this mourning process with Jack. Also, is it wrong for me to post something like this on my blog? Is it wrong to open a new chapter in my life as my friend is so unstable that he almost committed suicide? I mean, Jeff and Danielle have opened a new chapter in their lives too, but at this point, I really don’t know what is right or wrong anymore. What I do know is I am starting to hear Pascow’s voice as well as the voices of others within my head. I’m going to get myself checked out, just a sanity check, you know? I’m not crazy. I know I’m not crazy. This whole event was traumatizing for everyone. I mean, thankfully I’m in one piece, but sometimes I feel like Pascow seems to suggest otherwise. I’m going to do the best I can and ignore him. That’s all you can do, right?