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Mind Shambles

Ugh, why do I keep getting these headaches?

It’s like as if a nebula within the universe itself is blowing up in my head.

Crashing of the elements as the synapses go wild from unknown stimuli.

What the hell is causing this?

Nothing works.

I’ve tried it all.

Advil, Excedrin, Aleve, Tylenol, you name it. It doesn’t work.

Anything that has been prescribed by a doctor only makes it worse.

It has now gotten to the point where it has disabled me.

I’m 16 years old now, and have been dealing this for as long as I’ve lived I think, I’m not sure.

It used to be as minor where I’d just miss a few days at school, lay in bed, and wait it out.

I dropped out of school. I am homeschooled now.

I miss my friends, I miss my teachers, and I even miss the people that used to bully me.

You know how when you feel a migraine coming on that you become oversensitive to everything?

Smell, Touch, Taste, Sight, Sound?

Now, for me its constant.

All of the windows in my home have been boarded up.

There is nothing scented in my house, only natural and odorless cleaners are used.

Everything I eat is bland and its the same thing over and over again.

Crackers, soup, eggs, toast, plain pasta, rice, and also this other stuff my parents give me…

It kind of reminds me of meatloaf, but its not meatloaf.

Anyway, there is no music or TV in my house anymore.

It’s so quiet. Not even the ticking of a clock can be heard.

The only form of entertainment I have is 15 minute increments on my computer.

I’m allowed to be on my computer for about an hour.

After that, its taken away.

My parents don’t look at me the same anymore.

They look at me like as if I’m vile or just this thing.

I’m writing this because I overheard my parents whispering to each other last night.

I swear one of them mentioned how they could make the situation ‘better’ if I wasn’t there anymore.

I don’t know what to say or think.

I no longer have siblings. My older brother moved out about 3 years ago, which was right around the time I was able to somewhat function at school.

He’s about 26 now and I haven’t seen him since he left. In fact, I didn’t see him when he moved. I have no idea where he is now.

My parents always told me that my brother Riley went off to study abroad… but they won’t tell me where they went.

You know, out of all of this, there’s one thing I don’t understand.

I often get this really weird crawly itchy feeling on the back of my head and my ears ring quite often. Nobody will tell me what this means.

Last night, my mom put something in a glass of water and handed it to me. It kind of tasted funny.

I asked her what it was, and she simply replied, “Oh! Its just a fiber supplement. It will help your tummy feel better”.

The thing is… I’ve never really had problems with my stomach, even with the headaches.

That’s why I’m annoyed about the fact that I can’t eat anything else but bland food and the weird meatloaf thing.

I write this out to anyone who may see it. Anyone who sees this, please send help.

I hope that some of my friends, peers, or other family members can see this.

I can’t drive, I can’t just walk out of my house without my parents knowing this.

But tonight, I’m going to try to make a break for it.

I’ve got to go now. My door just cracked open.

I really wish these damn headaches and ear ringing would stop!

Itchy. Uermph.

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