Alex Speak · Artwork · Randomness · Weird-Crazy-Perhaps Scary · Writing and Poetry

The.Mad

Am I mad, sad, or glad?

Words that describe such emotions are meaningless to me.

What a fickle thing, isn’t it?

Emotions?

Born with something with which many of our own species wish we never were.

I however disagree.

I truly, truly desire the ability to ‘feel’ again.

No, I’m not talking about smell, touch, taste, sight, or sound.

 Or if any of you out there believe in precognition or clairvoyancy.

Nonetheless… I want to feel human emotions again.

I want to smile again, laugh again, feel joy reverberating in my soul again.

I want to cry, feel sadness, know and understand what it means to feel disdain.

I want the many other emotions in between as well.

Confusion, Jealousy, Envy, Anger, Rage, Indifference.

I can’t feel those emotions anymore.

Not even anger.

I don’t feel anymore.

Not since I cut my eyes and tongue out.

I should also mention my eardrums, hair, nails, scalp, and feet.

You’re probably wondering how I’m able to write this.

You see, this was pre-written before I have done any of this.

But, by the time this goes out there onto the internet and to my friends and family…

It will be done and probably far worse.

I’ve already known for a while this was going to happen.

I’ve had non-stop nightmares every single night.

I can’t even tell now if I’m still in a dream, or not.

But every single day feels the same to me.

All I see, hear, feel, and experience is that damn dream.

The feeling of having no emotions whatsoever, even being numb after being ripped apart.

Before I get any further into this, I’ll just say one thing and one thing only;

Don’t conjure the darkness that lurks in your dreams.

I did, and here I am… or was.

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Alex Speak · Synchronicities · Universal World · World of Psyche

Cosmic Thought

What am I?

What are you?

What are we?

What is this?

Who are you?

Who am I?

Who are we?

Is it just me?

Or is it just you?

Or is it all of us?

Its just one.

Only one.

Not one, two, three and a half, quarters, dividers, walls, or blockages.

One unites us all.

That is the truth.

Not everyone likes or accepts the truth.

Those who wish to be silent find this obnoxious and noisy thought that must be stopped.

I call it art, imagination, intuition, beauty, love, cosmic thought.

Dreams

Dream Journal: Sibling Doppleganger

A two hour nap lead me to this kind of dream: I found myself walking down a dirt path lined with lime green grass down a hill. I saw unrecognizable objects, rotations of the moon, sun, night, day, and dimensional shifts happening within a few moments while I was walking down the hill into a small town right by a cyan blue river. I started to see a few small children and animals running around all over the place. They were trying to grab my attention about something then one of the children told me my brother was coming, and so was something else. My brother showed up next to me, but he was translucent, then ran off. I tried to ask what was going on, but he ran off somewhere.

The town, path, and river was engulfed in thick fog and grey. The river turned clear with the bed below it looking hard and gray. The ground had no grass anymore, but had this grey dirt on it. The town turned into an industrial construction site made of metallic bars shaping a partial building. It was dead quiet, until a mysterious being that appeared to be an ordinary human walked up to me and showed me a picture on their phone of the person who was coming. They said his name was Brian. Brian turned out to be a doppleganger who had died about a year and a half after my brother was born. He had a grueling past and I was able to see how Brian died through a vision within the dream. The vision came through what looked like a fish lens kind of window with which I walked up to. There was an accident that happened with him, my brother, and a few other kids going skiing in the mountains. I could see them skiing and having fun, but I saw a child slip and fall on the slope head first. Children and other adults surrounded him and I backed away from the window.

I stepped back and the ordinary looking being was still there. I asked him if that really happened and he nodded. I asked him where Brian was and thought immediately that my brother was in danger. The being disappeared and saw my brother running towards this mine shaft next to the site as a dark-shadow like twin of my brother levitated above the ground, descending the metallic frame and chased my brother back and forth. Its eyes glowed menacingly and its diabolical voice made me cringe. Both my brother and Brian both seemed to shape forms with one another, so it was hard for me to tell who was who. I tried to stop Brian from terrorizing my brother, but they both ran past me. I was again greeted by the children, animals, and a comforting figure that seemed angellic in a way told me that there was nothing I could do and that I needed to go on my path. I woke up not too long after.