Who am I? I’m me. I’m Alex. I’m the person who I want and need to be. I follow my own truth which lies between my heart and soul. I am true to myself and to others. I strive to be successful and am grateful to be alive <<- This is my true affirmation of myself.
There is one thing I have learned this summer and that lesson was this ->> I refuse to hide who I am nor will lie about myself to others. I will not fib or keep certain truths to myself just because I’m afraid. I will not be someone I am not just to make myself feel secure and safe. Lastly, I refuse to be around who make me feel small, worthless, unworthy, or like a monster or a disappointment.
These were values I had always felt in my heart were true. However, I found that after moving this summer I really need to hold these to my heart AND then implement them. While during my move, I was interconnected with some folks and their loved ones. Yes, these folks welcomed me with open arms. Yes, they were kind and sweet to me when I felt lost and confused. Yes, they offered me a safe place to stay when things got too hard. But, there was one thing they did not do. I was not accepted for who I was.Yes, I was cared for, loved, appreciated, and needed. However, when it came to who I am, what I believe, and what my gifts are, I was treated like anything other than a saint. I was broken by it while I had religion, politics, fear, anger, and lies stuffed down my throat without being able to defend myself. I felt so powerless, I didn’t know what to do. I was heartbroken when I found that I’m no longer in contact with majority of these folks I was connected to. These people were my friends, my support system for so long, and even possibly family.
At the end of the day though, I realized that it was (and is) best to move on. There is a reason why boundaries exist. It breaks my heart knowing that some of the people I was closest too couldn’t do what I had hoped they could. I believe that there is no point for me to be around people who do not accept me for who I am and what I do. I don’t ask for anyone to understand me, or even attempt to. All I hope for is for the ones that mean the most to me are able to accept me for who I am. I DO NOT mean fitting in, what I mean is being able to be me around others without feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. If that is something that just will not happen, then so be it. Time to move on. I will not allow others to pull me down or make me feel drained, no matter how much they love or care about me.