I feel as though there is something that needs to be said about this. Yes, the big elephant in the room that no one wants to address. The sick and twisted nature of forced conformity on others. I’ve heard this all before, and I know you, the one who is reading this right now has. I’m speaking of this from the perspective of a horror junkie. Yes, my life is surrounded by the universe of horror, creepypastas, movies, books, TV, art, etc. It has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. (Yes I am also a spiritualist, an animal-nature lover, a music lover, artsy-fartsy, and just fun stuff in between). Anyway, I am only speaking this in the terms of horror because this is one of the BIGGEST aspects of myself that has been put down, criticized, and grimaced at by others.
A few months ago, while I was staying at a ‘friend’s’ house while I was moving and his parents started to find the things that I was into made them feel ‘concerned’ for me (My friend and his family were extremely religious, mind you). A lot of this ‘concern’ they had for me was because of spirituality based, but part of it definitely had to do with my personal tastes with horror. My ‘friend’ had talked to his parents about these aspects about myself without me even being there nor without my knowing. Thereafter, I had made the statement to the both of my friend’s parents saying, “I think you’ve got the wrong idea about me”. Did that make a difference… fuck no it didn’t. So, I ended up sitting in my friend’s dining room for 2-3 hours, being ‘sermoned’ by his family about my god damn beliefs and the relevance of their own family/belief system after an 8 hour shift. I felt as though I had to lie and bullshit my way through, just so I could get through the night with my sanity. I was tired, worn down from moving so much, and just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t lie about everything, but I bullshitted enough so I could feel safe, fearing something could happen to me. But, I was so wrong… very wrong. Now that I look back on it, I should have never done that.
I don’t care how pious, devoted, religious, or dedicated one is to a specific belief system or way of life. Please do what makes your heart sing, what makes your aura glow, and what brings the highest level of happiness in your life. All I could ever hope for is happiness for all individuals. However, I DO NOT condone taking one’s beliefs and trying to shove it down another’s throat. I was bullied, alienated, put down, attacked, and greatly hurt and betrayed by my ‘friend’. I will say this right now: it does not matter who or what you believe in, what you do, or how you do it; if it harms others, I don’t accept it. Now, with the horror stuff; my ‘friend’s’ parents at one point looked at me in disgust and said, “What’s with all the horror stuff? I mean really, what’s that all about?” I still feel my heart and insides boiling within every time I think back on it.
Horror has always been my passion. It all started with my family with where some of the only good memories I have with them. My mom and I used to watch anything horror related for hours and hours. We even did this when I was far too little to watch. I could recall jumping at every tense moment during the Halloween series when I was about 8-10 years old. My mom loved to make me and my brother jump by sneaking behind us right as whatever we would watch would start. It wasn’t just movies and tv shows we watched, but my mom and I also shared a passion with great horror writers like Stephen King and Dean Koontz. Anyway, the end of September, which was a little after my birthday was one of my favorite times of the year. Why? One thing: decorating for Halloween. I have vivid memories as a child taking things down from the rafters in the garage, unwrapping dusty newspaper covered decor, brightly colored of orange, white, and purple. My mom and dad would put on eerie but cheesy music while we spruced up the house with the ‘lively’ decor. When I got a bit older into my teens, I started making decor by hand. I carved tombstones from foam and painted them over with several layers of acrylic paint. I also made paper garland, figurines, and candle holders. After my mom started one of her many battles with cancer, horror within the household started to slowly fade away. But, the passion that I hold within my heart today did not. Today, my mom and I still chat about that kind of stuff… and sometimes calls me a weirdo for being so heavily into it!
It did not make a difference about what I said about it or how I said it. I was still put down and bullied by overly pious individuals who did not care for me or my beliefs. I’ve had people give me the same shit over the years on how I was weird because I liked horror (especially those who judged it based on my gender, which still makes me laugh today). This judgement was different. Harsher. Sharper. Apathetic. I was looked at like as if I was a seeping, bubbling pile of sludge left by the hound dogs of hell. The one who I used to consider as my best friend did absolutely nothing as I sat there in tears of anger and betrayal. Before all of this occurred, my ‘friend’ told me initially that he was concerned about how I would view his family and how his family would view me. After hanging out with him for a while, I really felt as though I couldn’t be myself. I truly think that this incident happened for a reason because it had dawned on me that I should never be anything, but myself around others. I have always believed that it is important to be yourself, but what happened this summer really was a wake up call for who your true friends and loved ones are. If I’m ever afraid to be myself around certain individuals, then I should not be around those that make me feel as such. I haven’t really seen or spoken to him or his family since.
So, the moral of this story is to ALWAYS be yourself, no matter what situation you are in. ANYONE can get bullied. Its not certain individuals of age groups, genders, ethnicity, or belief systems that get bullied, put down, judged or shamed. It can happen to anyone. I say this right now: NEVER be ashamed to be who you are. The things you hold dear matter more than someone who does not give any regards to you or your feelings.
I say this to all people who have and or continue to bully, shame, put down, judge, sermon, or punish people for who they are and what makes up their being:
GO FUCK YOURSELF
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