Dreams · Randomness · Universal World · Weird-Crazy-Perhaps Scary · World of Psyche

Dream Journal: The WTF Work Dream

I’m going to be quite honest and say that I get these kinds of dreams if I am under a lot of stress, or if my mind is full of racing thoughts and emotions. So, I can AT LEAST say that I’ve kind of got an idea of why I had this dream.

clock

As I drifted off the sleep, I woke up looking at my phone and saw it was 7:10 am. “What? NO! I overslept!” I exclaimed. I thrashed into my old roommate’s room and asked her what time it was. She was standing next to her dark oak dresser, fully dressed in work attire, putting down her brush and her clock read 7:10 am. “What’s wrong”, she asked me with intent. Her room was lit in such an odd fashion. What used to be the sliding glass door was nothing but a wall of light with the rest of her room being dimly lit. “I overslept and I am going to be late for work! Is that even the right time?” I said nervously as I rushed back into my room somehow in work attire without much an effort to get dressed. The clock had a completely different time on it. I ran back and forth and saw the clock on my phone and my room constantly changing time from 7:10, 7:45, 6:10, and then lastly 8:10. ‘SHIT!’ I yelled to myself as I literally ran in circles to get my things together.

gas-station

The house started to rotate, shift, evaporate, and then mold into a gas station/market on a gray suburban street filled with fog. As our surroundings shifted, my old roommate glanced around her room in confusion. I ran back and forth from my room to her room, through the bathroom with somehow morphed into a milky white tiled hallway into the front section of a gas station. I was panicking about finding my pants and while doing this, my pants were on, disappeared, changed colors, and then reappeared in my hand and was wearing white pants. (For the sake of this dream, the names of the people in this dream will only be represented by uppercase letters). I walked out the glass door which seemed transparent into the street. My old roommate stood by me for a bit and then told me she had to go to work and to have a good day. I got a call on my cell phone, which was no longer a smartphone, but a blue qwerty phone I used to own. One of my bosses H called me and asked where I was. I had explained that I was having trouble with the clocks changing in my home and that I couldn’t find my pants. H calmly said that everything was going to be okay and that he would talk to me about it when I get there. He hung up before I could finish.

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I walk back into the front end of the store, standing in front of the rows of snacks, magazines, and miscellaneous items. Next thing I know, H appears in front of me for a few moments, like as if we were at work and nothing in particular was going on. I was beyond confused. Another one of my bosses, K shows up and H told me that K was going to show me to a new place in the store and what I’d be doing. K told me to follow him, and I did. we walk farther into the store to this market like place that looked a lot like Sizzlers. K explained to me on how I would be stocking and cleaning the rows of food. I walk by a salad bar, much like Sizzlers with the dim lighting and earthy tones and see O and A grabbing some salad. “Hey Alex, how are you doing?” O asked me in a cheery tone as he took the tongs and selected a variety of food to put on his clear platter. “I’m fine, how are you?”.  I came up from behind O to grab some salad. A smiled sweetly at me and O said ,”We are doing great!”. They both walked off and the dream ended. 

-Alex

(All credit goes to original owner(s) of featured media)

 

Alex Speak · Randomness · Synchronicities · Universal World

Sycnchronicities- The Butterfly Effect

I am truly obsessed with The Butterfly Effect (or Chaos Theory). Ever since I heard of it, it just ‘clicked’ with me. This all started by watching a Let’s Play Youtube video of Until Dawn. (I’m honest when I say it takes a lot for something to stick in my mind. I do my best to look at things with an open mind and consideration before diving into anything) The intro pops up with colors fluxing to negative contrast with an image of a butterfly. The butterfly had the description: ‘A tiny butterfly flapping its wings may lead to a devastating hurricane weeks from now’. As the game continued to go forward past the raunchy cut scenes and game-play, the screen projected an image that has stuck in my mind for over a year now.

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(Until Dawn Game-play Image from Until Dawn Wikia)

After I see this image, I turned off the video, went to bed, and went to work the next day. About maybe 1-2 weeks later, at the peak of spring, I start to see butterflies everywhere I go. I noticed that majority of them were white, orange, and yellow. I usually saw the butterflies when I went back and forth to work. Only once did I see a brownish colored moth, which lead to a very difficult phase in my life. It felt as though I was dying, in some odd way. I felt depressed, angry, confused, nor did I understand all of the racing thoughts that zipped through my head. There was so much inner turmoil as I found myself struggling to let go of my past (people, things, old feelings, etc). In the end it was for the best. So, in terms of loss, I lost an old aspect of me that was no longer needed.

I ended up making new friends, getting back into school, gained more experience at work, let go of old stuff, got new stuff, and so much more than I could ever ask for. I have created a life for myself!

So, today I still see tons of butterflies everywhere I go. However, now their colors change and flow depending on where I currently am in life. Now and again I think to myself ‘who knew that a motif from a game could take form in my life’. It all makes sense now.

-Alex

(All credit belongs to original owner(s) of Until Dawn, Until Dawn Wikia, and featured media)

Universal World · World of Psyche

How I Learned That Any Action is Better Than No Action

“There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long-range risks of comfortable inaction.” – John F. Kennedy I, by nature, am a cautious person. I’m sensitive to what’s around me. Always have been. And I think this can be a good thing a lot of times. I am in…

via How I Learned That Any Action is Better Than No Action — The Seeds 4 Life

I want to personally thank Seeds 4 Life and the lovely author to this post.

When it comes to my life, I follow my heart. I’ve found that I can’t go wrong if I simply follow my intuition.

-Alex

Behind the Scenes · Universal World

Written in the Stars

Ok I’m scared as hell, but the book is out there now. I do hope everyone who has followed me, continues to follow me, and has personally connected with me will check the book out. It’s mostly finished. A little revision and editing is still needed, but it’s time. For whatever reason I felt this […]

via Written in the Stars — Re-Imagining the World Together

Alex Speak · Artwork · Randomness · Universal World

Wondering

I wonder…

Is this right?

Is this wrong?

What does ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ mean?

I wonder…

Should, could, would, ought causes harm right?

A battle leading twards a clash between the ego and the soul?

What do all of these things mean anymore?

I wonder…

Is what we see on the media fact?

Or is it a fabrication of the truth projected by colorful static?

Why does it exist?

I wonder…

What is truth?

What is a lie?

What does ‘truth’ and ‘lying’ mean?

I wonder…

What is going on in my head?

What is going on in my heart?

Is any of this real?

I wonder… 

(Credit of featured media belongs to original owner(s))

Alex Speak · Randomness · Universal World · Weird-Crazy-Perhaps Scary · World of Psyche

A Message from the Perspective of a Horror Junkie

 I feel as though there is something that needs to be said about this. Yes, the big elephant in the room that no one wants to address. The sick and twisted nature of forced conformity on others. I’ve heard this all before, and I know you, the one who is reading this right now has. I’m speaking of this from the perspective of a horror junkie. Yes, my life is surrounded by the universe of horror, creepypastas, movies, books, TV, art, etc. It has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. (Yes I am also a spiritualist, an animal-nature lover, a music lover, artsy-fartsy, and just fun stuff in between). Anyway, I am only speaking this in the terms of horror because this is one of the BIGGEST aspects of myself that has been put down, criticized, and grimaced at by others.
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        A few months ago, while I was staying at a ‘friend’s’ house while I was moving and his parents started to find the things that I was into made them feel ‘concerned’ for me (My friend and his family were extremely religious, mind you). A lot of this ‘concern’ they had for me was because of spirituality based, but part of it definitely had to do with my personal tastes with horror. My ‘friend’ had talked to his parents about these aspects about myself without me even being there nor without my knowing. Thereafter, I had made the statement to the both of my friend’s parents saying, “I think you’ve got the wrong idea about me”. Did that make a difference… fuck no it didn’t. So, I ended up sitting in my friend’s dining room for 2-3 hours, being ‘sermoned’ by his family about my god damn beliefs and the relevance of their own family/belief system after an 8 hour shift. I felt as though I had to lie and bullshit my way through, just so I could get through the night with my sanity. I was tired, worn down from moving so much, and just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t lie about everything, but I bullshitted enough so I could feel safe, fearing something could happen to me. But, I was so wrong… very wrong. Now that I look back on it, I should have never done that. 


horror-forest

I don’t care how pious, devoted, religious, or dedicated one is to a specific belief system or way of life. Please do what makes your heart sing, what makes your aura glow, and what brings the highest level of happiness in your life. All I could ever hope for is happiness for all individuals. However, I DO NOT condone taking one’s beliefs and trying to shove it down another’s throat. I was bullied, alienated, put down, attacked, and greatly hurt and betrayed by my ‘friend’. I will say this right now: it does not matter who or what you believe in, what you do, or how you do it; if it harms others, I don’t accept it. Now, with the horror stuff; my ‘friend’s’ parents at one point looked at me in disgust and said, “What’s with all the horror stuff? I mean really, what’s that all about?” I still feel my heart and insides boiling within every time I think back on it.

halloween

Horror has always been my passion. It all started with my family with where some of the only good memories I have with them. My mom and I used to watch anything horror related for hours and hours. We even did this when I was far too little to watch. I could recall jumping at every tense moment during the Halloween series when I was about 8-10 years old. My mom loved to make me and my brother jump by sneaking behind us right as whatever we would watch would start. It wasn’t just movies and tv shows we watched, but my mom and I also shared a passion with great horror writers like Stephen King and Dean Koontz. Anyway, the end of September, which was a little after my birthday was one of my favorite times of the year. Why? One thing: decorating for Halloween. I have vivid memories as a child taking things down from the rafters in the garage, unwrapping dusty newspaper covered decor, brightly colored of orange, white, and purple. My mom and dad would put on eerie but cheesy music while we spruced up the house with the ‘lively’ decor. When I got a bit older into my teens, I started making decor by hand. I carved tombstones from foam and painted them over with several layers of acrylic paint. I also made paper garland, figurines, and candle holders. After my mom started one of her many battles with cancer, horror within the household started to slowly fade away. But, the passion that I hold within my heart today did not. Today, my mom and I still chat about that kind of stuff… and sometimes calls me a weirdo for being so heavily into it!

It did not make a difference about what I said about it or how I said it. I was still put down and bullied by overly pious individuals who did not care for me or my beliefs. I’ve had people give me the same shit over the years on how I was weird because I liked horror (especially those who judged it based on my gender, which still makes me laugh today). This judgement was different. Harsher. Sharper. Apathetic. I was looked at like as if I was a seeping, bubbling pile of sludge left by the hound dogs of hell. The one who I used to consider as my best friend did absolutely nothing as I sat there in tears of anger and betrayal. Before all of this occurred, my ‘friend’ told me initially that he was concerned about how I would view his family and how his family would view me. After hanging out with him for a while, I really felt as though I couldn’t be myself. I truly think that this incident happened for a reason because it had dawned on me that I should never be anything, but myself around others. I have always believed that it is important to be yourself, but what happened this summer really was a wake up call for who your true friends and loved ones are. If I’m ever afraid to be myself around certain individuals, then I should not be around those that make me feel as such. I haven’t really seen or spoken to him or his family since.

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So, the moral of this story is to ALWAYS be yourself, no matter what situation you are in. ANYONE can get bullied. Its not certain individuals of age groups, genders, ethnicity, or belief systems that get bullied, put down, judged or shamed. It can happen to anyone. I say this right now: NEVER be ashamed to be who you are. The things you hold dear matter more than someone who does not give any regards to you or your feelings.

I say this to all people who have and or continue to bully, shame, put down, judge, sermon, or punish people for who they are and what makes up their being:

GO FUCK YOURSELF

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(All credit belongs to the original owner(s) of featured media)