Who decided that this was a good idea: Go after Joey- DEAD END

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Alright, enough is enough! I decided to go after Joey, I’m his closest friend. I knew deep in my gut that something was wrong and I had to make things right regardless of how tired I was.

“Joey! Where are you bro?! Joey!!” I yelled as I ran down the concrete path that went past the parking lot. I didn’t care how much of a racket I was making, I needed to find Joey. I paused for a moment and tried to call his parents, but all I could hear was static and a busy signal. I tried calling two or three times where the last time I called I heard a “Ha” on the line. The childlike voice spooked me and caused me to almost drop my phone. I hastily put my phone away and I made a left and ran down an arched pathway which lead to the library. The shadows that the ivy covered gave off in the moonlight looked like long gangly hands with serrated claws. I saw a person walk straight into the large wooden and stained glass library doors. “Joey?” I ran after the figure that stepped in.

Thankfully our library was open 24/7 which was excellent for anyone who needed to pull an all nighter. It was deserted when I came in. Not a single student or late night staff member in sight. “How am I going to find Joey in this massive five-story library?” I thought to myself. Each floor held rows upon rows of books, study areas, computers and copiers, small sound proof conference rooms, and some floors had a cafe area where coffee and food was sold 24/7. Everything was oddly neat. The light tan carpet was oddly clean, everything smelled like pine and lemon sceneted disinfectant. All of the tables and computer areas were spotless, and it was unnaturally quiet. The lights were slightly dimmed and lightly flickered which made it feel even weirder. “PSSTTT!! I’m over here Mike!” I heard a voice that sounded just like Joey’s and I started to feel a sense of relief.

“Joey, where are you?” I turned around and saw him standing by an elevator that sat to my right side. He seemed so off; his cheeks and eyes looked wet and puffy, like as if he was crying, but he still tried to force a smile upon his face. However, his eyes were dialated and the color on his skin other than his face seemed to be flushed. “Hey man, I’ve been worried! Are you alright?”

“Come with me Mike.” He gestured me to follow him into the elevator. For whatever reason, I felt a sinking feeling within my stomach and chest. It wasn’t over…

“Now, you’re my best friend, you know this right?” Joey asked as he put his right hand on my shoulder.

“Joey, what’s going on? Where are we going?” He looked at the button selection on the elevator as the doors slowly closed. He selected the basement option, which I thought was strange because noone was allowed to go into the basement with the exception of staff members.

“Dude, why are we going to the basement? We’re not supp-”

“I just have to show something to you real quick, trust me!”

“I do trust you but I-” The elevator door squeaked and gently slid open. It was absolutely pitch black and the only source of light was from the elevator. Joey pulled me into the dark room and held me by the neck. He had what felt like superhuman strength! I couldn’t move a single muscle; I felt paralyzed in his grasp. “Joey please, let me go.”

“No. Why should I anyway?” He said calmly and quietly, almost in a whispered tone. “We’ve literally been friends forever man. I’ve been meaning to show this to you for so long now! I haven’t showed this to anyone else because I don’t trust this with anyone else. Unfortunately, my little surprise managed to get out and I had to go get it back here. I love you Mikey, you are my bestest friend! A long lost brother I’ve never had!” He began to laugh maniacally and his grasp tightened on my neck. I felt myself being lifted off the ground as his laugh grew louder and louder.

A pair of glowing red eyes opened up in the darkness and before I could scream, everything went numb.

BAD ENDING

Start from the very beginning

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Dream Journal- Gentle Breeze in a Small Autumn Town

A few nights ago I had a very subtle, yet heavily detailed dream. I somehow managed to find myself in the hometown of one of my dearest friend. I found myself in the front of a fast food restaurant, possibly a Burger King, McDonald’s, In N Out, or something like that. It sat in its own lot which sat in the middle of what appeared to be a town square. I honestly do not know how I quite got there. I had visions of being transported there and yet, at the same time I had visions of being dropped off by someone who drove me over to this fast food joint. My dear friend who wore a black hoodie and jeans came up to me, welcoming me with open arms. They seemed pretty calm and laid back, ignoring the fact that I had absolutely no idea how I got here.

He urged us to go for a walk around town so he could show me around. We held casual conversations as he showed me around. The town seemed old time with buildings built closely next to one another. The paint and wood on some of the buildings chipped and wore away while others looked brand new and refurbished. There was Halloween decorations hanging on the edges of the roofs of all the buildings. Paper pumpkins, orange and black streamers, plastic bat and ghost decor, pumpkins and gourds lining the front end, etc. The breeze pulled off part of the streamers and one of the paper pumpkins. I tried to run after it to catch it, but it flew off into the gently faded blue skies. One of the town-folk told me not to worry about it and to let it fly away. 

Soon my friend and I started to get into an older, disheveled part of town. We walked by a small brick church with a cemetery sitting on the right side of it. I felt very unsettled about this area. Neighborhoods and streets stretched endlessly and it was a little bit more noisy here than any other part of town. The cemetery had tombstones nearly stacked on one another with tall grass and weeds entwined around the tombstones and semi-barb wired fence. I felt even more unsettled when I saw three teenagers running out the church and through the cemetery. I large man with an Italian accent stood on the steps of the church and screamed at the teens. He looked at us and started to walk towards us with aggression. My friend managed to convince him that we didn’t do anything wrong and I stood back. The large man said that it was okay for us to stay for a little bit, but not for too long. All three of us stuck around in the cemetery and the large man shared old urban legends and ghost stories that surrounded the town and this cemetery. I felt on edge and the tombstones started to glow. I could see non-corporal human-like beings starting to surround us. I really didn’t like it, but the large man and my friend embraced it more than anything else. I said I was going to leave, but then my friend followed me, then suddenly things went back to normal. I woke up feeling quite intrigued. 

This was quite a strange dream, does it mean anything to you? Have you had any dreams similar in nature as to this one?

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P.S. Hey! You can now find me on Patreon AND I have a Paypal. Any kind of help and support that you can give will always be appreciated. Thank you so much for your love and support!

Dream Journal- If Death was a Human

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It has definitely been awhile since I have made any dream journal entries. This dream that I had a few nights ago really stuck out to me because of its nature and overall message. I have never seen Death as an actual physical, human-like being… until I had this dream. 

I was walking with a large group of people, which seemed to be a class from school. We were in a different state, Oregon or Washington most likely. There was a bit of a chill in the air and very low humidity. The scenery was mostly a dull gray color with the exception of the greenery and the colorful neon lights that lined the inside of a bar that we were about to go into. What was strange about this is we were on a campus or town square of some sort, and it was deserted with the exception of me and the class I was going with. We went into the bar which all of a sudden felt as though it was on water with a gentle ebb and flow tilting the room side to side. It was a basic classic bar with everything made from oak and bright neon signs and wine glasses hanging from the ceiling above the bar area. All of a sudden we were surrounded by these strange men with glassy eyes who grabbed a large amount of people and pushed them through a large black door. They tried to grab me too, but I yanked away from them and made it out the front door. 

I was back outside with dozens of people who were standing in a large circle. There was a malevolent looking woman, dressed in black and red, with this black swirling mist that loosely wrapped around her body like a serpent pacing around me and a few other people. She had a wicked smile, black and red eyes, light blonde hair, and pearl white teeth. There was an amphitheater and stage and a large bed of navy blue water that sat before the stage. Everyone appeared to be in a trance and more people slowly walked to the circle which grew in size. I challenged the malevolent woman on what was happening and she claimed that this was the work of death itself; which the woman presumed to be death. Cracks of thunder and lightning came from the sky that lit up our surroundings and all of the entranced people were picked up from the lightning and were placed in several different locations. Folks were transported to a concrete coliseum with a grassy stage while others were transported to open fields of nothingness as well as several random locations in the city such as a prison yard, the stage, and the bar. 

I could see where all of the people were and how they were to die, and I felt so helpless. It was torture watching tens, hundreds, thousands of people being annihilated with the blink of an eye. A light jolted through the innocents by the thousands, which caused the earth to raise for a single moment, and as soon as it started it stopped. Their bodies went limp and I felt myself screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. I looked back at the woman and again, screamed at her, asking her why. It was just me and her at that moment in time. Suddenly parts of her body started to show between the seams of her clothes and the truth of her form was revealed: she was made up of several different body parts from different people, stitched together limb by limb. Each limb differed in shade ever so slightly, but generally it was all the same. Soon out of the woman’s mass, a man with thick black hair, dark eyes, ‘perfect’ structure, and looks that could kill. These two people were made by the body parts of the fallen. The man soon claimed himself as being death and I was stuck with them. 

I felt so much anger and rage as I saw both of them live in luxury. They had everything they could ever want, except everything was either black or dark-colored damask. They had everything from their own personal amphitheater, massive mansion filled with riches, and exotic creatures that could only ever exist in a dream. They had all of the power in the world, being able to kill by the millions who were entranced by their black magic. But then… they got bored. This created slight conflict with Death and his mistress. Suddenly, their body parts that were stitched together started to slightly tear, mix, and morph with other body parts. I held light within my own hands; it radiated around my body and I took my chance to disable Death. With the use of my light, their most prized exotic animal, also made from the dead dissolved and melted to nothing. Death’s mistress popped into a cloud of smoke and light then dissolved to dust. Death had lost control of his own humanoid form and I walked from their room onto the outdoor stage that faced the water.

I stared up at the sky and heard a deep voice praising me and encouraging me to go forward. A light started to envelop me and I could hear the voices of many cheer me on, even though I felt so unsure. I was then given wings, which I had all along as well as many other gifts added on to my being. The edges of each gift lit up like lightning and felt warm and sensitive to the touch. I knew right then and there what I had to do as the light parted the clouds in the sky, and the angelic beings which glowed in pure light, came down to me and started to guide me. I ran through the field of nothingness to find if anyone was still alive. I was heartbroken to find that I couldn’t find any survivors, until I went a little bit farther down. I was relieved to hear that there were still many others that were alive who still needed my help. I managed to help free people of their trances, then my vision turned to light as I woke up.

I still wonder if the dream reflects anything going on it my life literally or metaphorically… who knows?

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Hey! You can now find me on Patreon, and I also have Paypal! Any kind of help and support you can give will always be appreciated! Thank you!

When Will It Happen?

dab9f7b1f5faa306c9b90fcfe1c91fa3--life-and-death-grim-reaper When will it happen?

When should I expect it to happen?

When am I going to hear back from you, doctor?

When will I be free from this room?

When will I be free from six years of confinement?

When will I see the sun?

When will I feel the rain gently kiss my cheeks?

When will you tell me the reason why I’m in here doctor?

When will I know what I did wrong?

When will I know how I got these bruises and scrapes all over my body?

When will I know where all of this blood came from?

When will I have my knife set back, doctor?

When will I know who the person laying in a pool of blood is?

Is it you?

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P.S.- I am now on Patreon and Paypal! Any help and support that you can give is always appreciated. Thank you so much

 

Confession #6

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 “My favorite color used to be yellow when I was very, very little. I had yellow EVERYTHING! Yellow room, bedspread, furniture, clothes, you name it. Every birthday my mom would buy me yellow flowers because I loved them so much. I especially loved sunflowers and always wanted to try to grow some in our backyard. I always thought that my taste in color was unique and others did too! When I got older… my taste in color changed ever so dramatically…

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For whatever reason, I became obsessed with everything pink! Pink clothes, pink room, pink walls, pink furniture, pink rug, pink sheets, pink everything. This surprised my parents because growing up, I wasn’t a very ‘girly girl’. God only knows why I loved pink then, because I certainly didn’t when I was younger! I didn’t like the idea of wearing makeup or girly clothing until I got a little bit older, and even then I still wasn’t really 100% into it. A big part of me held onto the idea of having a pink room for so long because of my mom’s battle with breast cancer when I was a teenager (she’s fine now!). 

Then as I continued to grow, my taste in color changed again…

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Huzzah! Purple! Purple, violet, indigo, lavender, lilac… I LOVE purple. Before I moved to where I am now, my parents and I purple-fied my room. It was more subtle than any of my other past room decor. In fact, my old room is still purple, with a few slight changes that have been added to it. My current home has a lot of purple and black furniture. 

Overall as an artist, I enjoy using cooler colors and shades more so than using warmer colors and hues. It truly doesn’t matter what medium I use, I’ll always choose cooler colors over warmer colors.”

What were your favorite colors growing up? Did those colors have any special meaning to you?

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Confession #5: Fear of Death Complex

23df25064d0585f9129d3b5a86d11f05 “Let me start off by saying that I do not fear PHYSICAL death; the flatline, the last breath, the last heartbeat, the last moment of life only to be ended so suddenly like the flame from a candle blown out. I must emphasize that I don’t fear dying as well. 

What impacts this is my own personal truths about the aspect of physical death. I must note that horror has never really made a difference with the fear of life or death in my eyes, surprisingly. I’ve never been one of religion, really. I am know my stuff when it comes to religion and belief systems, and I’m very open-minded. I’m spiritual and open minded, not religious. However, I will NOT do anything to shove my own beliefs into one’s throat just because it might differ from my own. That’s pure ignorance. Do I believe in God? Yes, I do. But I am also a believer of things such as Reincarnation, Awakening and Ascension, Angels and Ascended Masters, having a divine life purpose, Universal Consciousness, LOA (Law of Attraction), Karma, and lastly, everything happens for a reason. I also believe that there is malevolent energy out there… parasites, voids of energy that take on our own fears, and just plain negative energy. 

What I fear is the darkness the outward manifestations that surrounds the concept of death. Whether it be physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual, there are some factors about it that scare me so. I cannot explain why, but sometimes the darkness from death manifests itself outwardly.

For example, there have been times in my life where I can smell this ungodly stench b5693754f9477e28acab5720b23b71a4--cousins-tattoo-ideaswhenever someone has passed away, be it a loved one or someone close. Sometimes it smells like moist, sticky, foul, rotting soil beneath the undergrowth of trees or greenery from above. I have never been to a cemetery, nor a funeral home, nor any place that has involved death. The times that I have smelled this foul odor is when I was about 8 years old and then again at the age of 13. As I’ve gotten older, when the time of death has come, the smell has only gotten worse. I’ve seen the smell manifest in ways unrelated to physical death, but more along the lines of death/ending of a chapter in my life be it an aspect of a relationship with someone. Thankfully it has been a while since I have picked up on the smell. The best way I can describe the smell now is death and decay, it’s indescribable. The good news is, the smell doesn’t come often. Lastly, I must add that I have smelled foul odors in locations where death is prominent (i.e. a place where someone has died in the past). 

Another thing I fear is the nightmares. I have PTSD and am prone to having nightmares from time to time, but sometimes other factors affects the nightmares such as death. I’ve had countless nightmares about death. They vary between myself, my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my dog Zuzu, and other people I hold dear in my life. It’s never subtle either. When I see death of others in my dreams often violent, gruesome, unforgiving, intense, and horrifying. And nightmares where I do not see people die, I’m given the imagery from what I can describe as an abstract version of death. 

Lastly, it’s the sickness that I see in others, or even just the concept of sickness makes me cringe. I watched my mom battle cancer for seven years. She’s had breast cancer twice, colon cancer, then lastly, lung cancer. She’s had chemo, radiation, and several surgeries over the past few years. I remember as a teenager I watched how ill she was, and I could feel death hanging around us. It was the worst feeling in the world; not being able to do a single thing about this. I always felt this heavy weight on my shoulders and my chest, back, legs, every fiber of my being felt pinned down by death’s presence. Besides my mom, I have seen many individuals struggle with cancer, addictions, and many other health conditions. (Not to worry, my mom is A-okay now! My mom has been tested this year and has been declared cancer free has a clean bill of health!!!)

In the end, I always strive for life, rebirth, and new beginnings, but I also honor and accept that there is a balance of life and death.

However, without a doubt there is nothing more horrifying that being stuck between your fears and the time flux of death and decay, regardless of its appearance.”

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I feel it too

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Yes… the ultimate trigger of fear does it alright…

There it is… right in front of you… a few inches from your face.

Ultimate evil.

Can you feel that cold, sweaty, clammy, uncontrollable buzz in your arms and legs that makes you feel the NEED to move?

Yes, you know what I’m talking about.

Millions of fibers sparking off in your body telling you to MOVE away from the evil being in front of your face.

That feeling that makes standing still hurt so so much!

Your limbs and insides feel like a bottle of soda shaken to its core ready to burst.

Do you feel shame for having to move? 

Do you feel shame for having to keep still?

Do you blame yourself for running?

Do you feel guilt for feeling that things are out of your control?

Do you feel guilt for being helpless?

Helpless like a fish out of water.

What is it that you feel?

Can you describe it with words? Feelings? Touch? Movement?

It is not your fault dear friend. 

I feel it too.

I feel it every single day.

You are not alone in this endless waltz of fear and insanity.

I am right by your side as we waltz on for an eternity.

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Outro thought: What doesn’t kill you make you stronger, right? What is it that you’re running from?

P.S. Hey, I’m now on Patreon and Paypal! Please feel free to connect with me if you wish! Any support that you can give will always be appreciated thank you!

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to email me at ASnowpasta@gmail.com